Hello I am a mum of 3 and married to my husband of 6 years and been together 21 years. My children are 15 9 and 2. I am looking for some advice and apologise for long winded thread but I really am at my wits end and just don’t know where to turn anymore. So for the past 3-4 years my husband has dealing with cocaine addiction. In this time he has deceived me I was not aware of it until I discovered him taking it in which he said he was relieved I knew and could deal with it and so he would stop for a short while but then he would start again each time I’m finding out by my own discovery. This was devastating because he has broke my trust and totally destroyed our marriage. But I was supportive and helped him get counselling etc in the midst of this I became pregnant with my 3rd child who is now 2 years old but at the time when it was at its worst was when I was 8 months pregnant. He developed cocaine psychosis and I was accused of cheating he believed someone was out to get him it was bad!!! After this I kicked him out and he went to stay at his mums until he got himself sorted. Since then he has moved back in hes got a really good job and everything was fine until March of this year I noticed he’s been taking cash back at petrol stations but was telling me he was putting diesel in work van for which he had a diesel card however he said it wouldn’t always work therefore he was putting petrol in. Anyway these were regular transactions which led to my suspicion. After this discovery I was at the end of my tether and said I can’t keep doing this so we went to therapy together and this seemed to help. However because of all what’s happened I do not trust my husband at all and we have many many arguements over the way he handles money. My main concern is that he takes money from the cash machine and this can be different monetary amounts each day throughout the week. He struggles to tell me what this money is being spent on and says I am treating him like a child for wanting to know what he his spending. He simply sees himself as a high earner so has this right. Our marriage has become so toxic I just don’t know what to do. We have a mortgage but he has an Iva so we cannot sell the property. We discussed him
Moving out but this is also difficult because of his Iva. I am on a low wage and would struggle financially moving out plus my name is on the mortgage. Since the coronavirus I have been working evening shifts to help with social distancing which my husband says is causing problems in our marriage because I’m not home on an evening. I don’t understand this at all. Apologies for the very long message but I’d really appreciate any advice from anyone who has been in this situation 