Codeine addiction

[Gratitude77]

Hi
I'm so ashamed to admit this but for 7 months now I've been taking very high doses of otc codeine daily. To cut a very long story short, I've had enough and tomorrow I'm stopping altogether. I'm scared about any side effects and if anyone else has been in this situation I wonder if you could offer any advice. I've previously tried stopping but felt so awful I started taking the tablets again after 3 days. I just need some support I guess as nobody in my life knows about this. I've kept it so well hidden.

Just checking in to see how you are doing. I hope things are getting better

How are you getting on @Gratitude77

Hi all
The reason I haven't posted anything for a while is because after having several drug free days, I lost my willpower and started taking them again. I was too ashamed to post on here. Currently I'm trying to do what maybe I should have done in the first place and reduce slowly. I can't remember now who it was but a lovely person on this thread suggested it in the beginning but me being me thought I knew best! That post though did stick in my mind and I've reduced by 3 tablets so far this week ... this I've realised is definitely an addiction mentally as well as physically and I hate myself for it. How are you doing Burner? Hopefully better than I did

Morning OP,

It's really tough isn't it.

Well done for sharing.

Have you thought about contacting NA?

They are having meetings via Zoom, and they do have women only ones if you would feel more comfortable.

From a fellow Addict. Clean day 73 today, all being well

Please don’t feel ashamed, it’s really hard. I still crave the lovely feeling morphine gave me. Even after I had stopped the tablets I did have a bottle of oramorph that I’d sometimes take a swig of every now and again. It’s really hard and so different to alcohol.
I linked to a few resources up thread but don’t be hard on yourself. You really have taken the first big step in even wanting to get off codeine. Keep checking in and we can help, no judgment from me at all.

Hi gratitude77,
I read your post and thought ild register to ask how your getting on?

I have a codeine addiction starting 7 years ago after having spine problems and dropped foot, all fine now but my repeat prescription stayed all this time therefore iv taken them ever since, I suffer anxiety etc so I think they helped me through, at least I thought so, as much as the nice happy feeling you get with them, iv realised its fake, doesnt last long and they were making me fuzzy headed, mood swings, irritable, constipated and actually more depressed/isolated.

I tried to taper... no chance, went cold Turkey last year, horrendous withdrawals, thought once they were over physically that everything would be alright... how
wrong was I! That was the easy bit, it was the mental cravings that made me start taking them again, the moment I got my hands on some, took 2 zapain 30/50..... instant relief. Was so dissapointed in myself.
Anyway, tried it again last week, took my last 2 tablets 7 days ago, withdrawals completely different this time, all the usual but no sweating/crying.
Thought it was over but day 7 today and I feel like death all of a sudden, have no energy whatsoever, feel like I have flu, tearful, cant breath, chest pains, diarrhoea, shaking, cant move, feel like led and the restless legs are horrific, wakes me up every half hour all night long, real confused as to why I'm getting such a delayed withdrawal after 7 days when it should be improved by then.

If someone, anyone can please tell me it passes, as I have nobody to talk to who is going through it,
I am craving them now, I can cope with not feeling good I just cant cope with feeling bad if that makes sense.
I cant and wont take any but the thought of the mental mess for months or even years after makes me nervous.

@Gratitude77 how are you doing? I know this is an old thread but I can relate and I really feel for you. Are you ok? Did you manage to reduce? Did you try NA? I’m on this same journey now. I send you my best.

@Leoni2020 how are you doing? I’m on this same journey and reading all these posts from others in the same position is helpful. But sad too. Sorry that so many people are having the same struggle. No one irl knows my secret. I’m an addict.

Hi, unfortunately I'm taking them again.
Iv failed, I'm depressed and fed up and they make me feel better. Know it's not good but I cannot handle feelng so low, mothers little helpers come in all different forms.
I am planning to stop when this lockdown is finally over and change my job to healthcare (currently volunteering for NHS, st John ambulance service)
I know the reason I take them, its because I have no life, stuck at home, lonely, isolated, family dont seem to care about me or my children , unhappy and just low.
That can and will change but untill then, they help me get through. Why they help my mood better than antidepressants I do not know.

How are you getting on?

@Leoni2020 I’m tapering. I started a thread about it and it helped just having it written down. I’ve never discussed my addiction with anyone in real life. Ever. I’m very ashamed.
I’m sorry that things are so difficult for you. I totally understand how drugs can seem to help. To take the edge off life. I’m going to persevere if I can and it would be amazing if I can actually do this. NA meetings have helped a bit. Just for focus and camaraderie. They’re all on zoom now which is great.
Don’t be hard on yourself or think of yourself as having failed. You need the help the tablets give you at the moment. Maybe it’s not the right time for you to stop. One of the drivers for me to stop now is that the drug doesn’t work! It’s lost the effect. So it’s more reason to stop. It’s still the first thing I think of every morning and then throughout the day. I’m taking half my normal dose which is a huge thing for me.
I hope you feel stronger soon. You don’t sound like you have no life. But I know how difficult life can be.

You sound just like me, they dont work on me anymore either.
It started with a back problem 6 years ago, then I kept taking them when the pain went and that was it.
Theyve always just calmed my racing thoughts, worry and depression.

Iv tried tapering, that was awful for me personally as I was clock watching and it made me think about then constantly.... it is the right way to do it apparently but for me, it was dragging out the mental torture.
Iv gone cold Turkey I think about twice now.

Had 3/5 days of feeling quite uncomfortable physically but that soon goes.
I thought I cracked it and was so proud of myself, even went around 10 weeks ( cant quite remember) but unfortunately the mental side was absolutely HORRENDOUS for me. I'm talking suicidal and absolutely miserable.
If only I had just carried on not taking them as that psychological depression would have improved in time as it's your brain waking up and feeling things in life that the codeine was blocking out but I didnt.
I then tried again, withdrawals were not as bad as the first time but bang.... mental struggles back again, I found some in the house , took them and felt happy again.
I cried that night though feeling ild never be able to do this.
Iv never taken drugs , dont drink, always worked, am a good mum to my 2 young boys, full functioning etc but codiene for some reason has got me.
I will get myself out of this though I know I will.

My insides must me a mess. I take zapain 30/ 500. Sometimes take 2, then 2 an hour later, then 3 a couple of hours after that, awful. My instant trigger is stress, It didnt start like that, it happened over the years.
I have EUPD and had a traumatic childhood... apparently it's all connected.

Tapering or cold Turkey... I feel I need to just warn you that after, the mental side will be a problem, maybe not for you as it depends why a person takes them but in my case it's for the contentment, ( although now its bearly that, it's just a habit/ritual.

Please dont give in when you've stopped.
That's the best advice i can give to you.
I thought wahey.... done the physical withdrawal yay iv done it, then BANG. mental problems intensified BIG time.

Why did you start taking them?
How many do you take a day?
How are you feeling whilst in the middle of tapering? Your taking half of your normal dose... blimey well done that good.
Your body will be getting used to this reduction.
Please dont feel ashamed... we're not bad people, I go out of my way to make everyone happy and I'm a nice person, as I'm sure you are too..... it can happen to anyone and it does.
A relative works at the hospital and trust me when I say.... there are top doctors and nurses in the same boat just to get through the day, they also have easy access to them too so hide it extremely well.
We needed them for a reason. Ild neverctouch an illegal drug and genuinely didnt even know what opiates were when the hospital popped them into my mouth when I was due a back OP.
All I knew was these pills made me feel at peace with the world, even making me feel optimistic and enjoying life for the first time ever.... it's only natural to not want to give that feeling up.
Dont put yourself down.xxx

I take them for exactly the same reason as you. To make me feel better, calmer, happier. I don’t cope with stress at all. Reaching for a drug is what I’ve always done.

The fact that they don’t work for me anymore is the main reason I will stop.
I normally take a min 14 tablets of 30mg codeine plus 8 paracetamol and codeine lower strength. Plus sleeping pills.
I’ve taken them for over 10 years now. Obsess over getting them, paying seeing private doctors anything.
I am incredibly surprised that I have tapered in just over a week. I went down to 8 codeine per day (plus the other otc tabs) to 6 to 4 and today only 2. I actually cannot believe this. I haven’t felt any side effects. Only the mental stuff such as being very agitated and less patient. Also my backache is back to how it was 10 years ago! I’m going to try to take two again each day this week. Can barely believe this is possible for me.

The fear is that I will no longer have the feeling of peace optimism and hope for the future. I totally understand why doctors would abuse codeine. It’s extremely seductive. I’m doing NA on zoom every day.

That's good, you need the support, I havent got any support, it all went wrong for me trying to get help ( it's all on first thread)
Doctors are useless and drug place oasis are even worse.
Yes that's what makes me take them again after quitting, the peace and optimism etc.
But its either that or continue taking and I dont want to take them.
Doc put me on tramadol for my arm, its absolutely killing with pain so need to take them but I can feel that could be a slippery slope. Been on them for 4 months now... need to stop right away. cant add another problem in the mix.
Tramadol just make me feel out of it which I quite like but no I wont go there.
Your doing really well, try not to rush it, I did that and it all went wrong. Take your time otherwise you'll suffer minor withdrawals reducing too quicky and then your agitation and patience will get work, it will just drag it out.
X

Thank you Leoni, if you feel willing to try to taper now I can keep you company. But what I know is you absolutely have to be ready and wanting to take control of this for yourself. You can’t feel forced into doing it.
I wrote out a for and against list whilst trying to decide about this. I am here if you need.

Thankyou cissyandflora.
Iv tried every way I know how.
Iv basically got to come to terms with the fact of when I do it, I'm going to suffer severe depression and agitation for months and months after.
But saying that they dont work on me anymore so may aswell be depressed codeine free then depressed on codiene.
I'm here for you when you want to chat to.
Anytime.

I’m not sure whether you have to accept months of depression as a fact. I’m a bit irritated for sure but am using sleeping pills a bit. Just one today. And I plan to stop that too.
I think if you’re planning on months of severe depression then you’ll never want to stop. I’m planning on feeling a bit freer perhaps. And not living in fear of not getting a prescription. And not having the obsessive thoughts about drugs every day. But I’m not expecting downsides other than not having the upsides if that makes sense? And as they have stopped giving me the buzz it’s easier. I still cannot fathom a life without these pills because it was unthinkable a couple of weeks ago. It was my doctor surgery suggesting they don’t keep the repeat prescription that terrified me into this choice.

Do you take antidepressants? Can you find a better doctor and discuss the depression? I’m still going to take my antidepressants. For life I should think. I don’t think you should feel you need to suffer alone for months.

I felt actually quite Brilliant after for a week or 2 but it seems to be after that period something changes with my mood.
I'm stopping those tramadol for my arm soon, have told doc I dont want anymore as pain is improving, not mentally addicted to them at all but jesus they are awful when you just stop... nothing like codiene, it makes me feel like I'm full of anger and extremely aggitated, impatient etc.
So I'll use up the rest of them then I'm getting onto dealing with the codiene. X

Which are awful to stop? Yhe tramoldol or the codeine?

Sorry I meant tramadol

I hope you manage to taper. And very importantly I hope you manage to find what’s missing. What you’re replacing with a drug. And to find happiness without. I would definitely use antidepressants though because they are not addictive or mind altering. They are very different and not an issue with abusing drugs.

I wont taper, iv tried a dozen times as I say it makes me think about them constantly.
I spoke to FRANK drugs place and he said it's better to taper obviously but for the mental side after stopping whether you taper or go cold Turkey, that will remain either way.
He said that I need to find the root of my unhappiness and deal with that rather than putting a plaster over it with codeine.
Pretty much what you said really, finding out what's missing!

Anti depressants turn me into a zombie with no feeling at all, tried loads over the years.

Hi OP your very brave posting this. I’ve name changed.

Please do not feel ashamed. Prescription painkiller addiction is massive. I have a family member that damaged her knee and is now addicted to them. The pharmacy’s in our area will not sell them her now so she buys them off a dealer. She regularly used to knock on our door asking did we have any strong pain killers for her migraine. The GP has been shit with helping her despite them giving them to her in the first place.

But more sadly a friend of mine passed away at the beginning of last year she just stopped breathing in her sleep. She was addicted to codine for a long time.

Don’t try and do this alone. You should actually be able to find a NA meeting online.

online.ukna.org/

I’ve sat next to my brother whilst he did the AA online meetings and they were very good. No one judges and lots people say really resonates because they are going through the exact same thing and they are very insightful.

Go and see your GP, so at least you’ve told someone and you can really acknowledge that you need to stop and ask for their advice.

We’ve had the worst year OP, so many have turned to drink and things that take the edge off but do your best now to destroy the lot as you need to make sure you wake up in the mornings

I’m a big fan of NA and AA and the online meetings make them even more accessible. I’m not religious but the meetings do work. Not least because of the camaraderie and the knowledge that so many people struggle with addiction.