Ex using coke

[unicornsarereal72]

Any advice would be appreciated. I have had my suspicions for sometime now. Ex was a high flyer earning well but never had any money or paid child support.

Lost his job (said it was redundancy) x2 couldn't afford to repair his car (been 18 months now). And drinking was excessive before he left.

He surfaced a few months ago. In the crying mess. His rock bottom I guess.

I'm trying to be supportive. But I'm not sure what I should do. The dots are all there: He is sniffing. Has runny nose and blood stained tissues. And never any money

He has confessed drinking is an issues but not coke. We haven't had that conversation.

Should I confront him? Offer to help him find support ? Or just say nothing?

It breaks my heart that he is in this situation. He was an honest, hard working, kind man. That has all but gone. I don't know what I should do. My kids need their dad in a better place. I know it has to come from him.

I think it is a vicious cycle that he regrets his decisions and his relationship has broken down with his me, the kids. And his own family. So he try's to block it out by getting completely wasted.

Any thoughts appreciated.

the FRANK page has advice on how to talk to someone who you think is using drugs
www.talktofrank.com/get-help/worried-about-a-friend#how-to-talk-to-your-friend-about-their-drug-use
You can also contact their helpline before you talk to him for advice on what to say etc.
all the best x

Thank you @sleepismysuperpower1 I have looked through the site.

I was hoping for someone with personal experience to share their thoughts.

I don't understand how or why he has gone down this road. Maybe I never will.

From personal experience, there isn't a great deal you can do except protect yourself and your child. Unfortunately, it's up to your ex to stop (believe you me I have tried to support my OH for god knows how many years to no avail). Cocaine is highly addictive. Just be there in the wings but he has to do the grunt work. He should join CA meetings and perhaps see a specialist counsellor. I feel for you 💐

@yuckwallpaper yeah I kinda thought I just need to walk away. He was a better man than this. He didn't even smoke. Just hope he decides to turn it around. And let him know when he does I will help him. Time to let go.

So was mine and he was anti smoking too. Like I said, cocaine is highly addictive. I suppose, as with any addiction, a switch has to flick inside the addict's head before they can move forward. Don't be a mug like me and keep giving them support as addicts can be very manipulative.

I'm so sorry you are in the same situation. @yuckwallpaper

could you give him the contact details of his local drug treatment service OP, before you cut off contact? You can find the details here, but if he knows where to get help then it might prompt him to seek it?
www.nhs.uk/service-search/other-services/Drug%20treatment%20services/LocationSearch/340

Link to Cocaine Anonymous for anyone who might be reading and thinks they may have a problem with a mind altering substance:
https://cocaineanonymous.org.uk

I am 3 months clean from coke & 10 months sober & my only advice would be “ he has to want to do it himself “ all the will in the world from someone else won’t make a blind bit of difference if he doesn’t want to get clean himself. It’s not easy or pretty but it can be done. Sending you lots of love x

@Bence69 Thank you for the reply. Good luck with everything. I know I have no ability to influence him. I didn't when we were together so definitely not now. I just went NC. And he stopped seeing the kids so I guess that tells me all I need to know.

Honestly you need to step back, you CANNOT save him. He needs to acknowledge he has an issue and want to save himself.

If he is using coke and is not fit to be around the children then you need to stop him seeing them until he is in a better state of mind and is clean of both alcohol and drugs.

You’ll often find that a cocaine addict regrets the decision in day or days that follow but that doesn’t stop them doing it again.

If you get yourself involved you too will be eaten up by this drug too and you need to protect your children and whilst of course in an ideal world you would have their dad in their life, at the moment until he has dealt with these issues it might not be possible because their dad isn’t well.

@OurChristmasMiracle thank you for your reply. I have step right back. I have no say in his life. And he has consequently dropped out of the kids lives. As I am no longer useful in his life.

I have had to finish my relationship with the guy I was seeing as he is secretly using. No one else knows how bad he is but me. He was hiding it from me and I recognised the signs as we were doing it together last year but I quit booze and C nearly 11m ago. I tried to carry on seeing him but I just couldn't ignore it. Months have passed and he's just getting worse and becoming more distant. It will bring me down too.
It is crushingly sad that he won't give that up for the sake of our 'relationship' but he can't see it so I have had no choice.
It is desperate agony watching on the sidelines but I'm not the first to watch from afar.

There is just so much addiction out there. It's a disease of the mind. Truly tragic