Found out my husband is a gambling addict

[Stella2020]

Hi guys I am new to this support group but didn’t know where else I could turn too. I basically found out my husband has a major gambling problem about 10 weeks ago. We just had our first baby 16 weeks ago aswell. my husband owns his own business and is successful however I never had access to his business account as I have my own career and never needed to know what money he was making . I did notice last year him acting strange and did wonder why he never seemed to have money but was getting busier and busier. To be fair I think I knew deep down something was wrong but as I was pregnant I just didn’t want any stress upon me. I opened bank statements and letters 10 weeks ago and found out that last year he ended up spending around £150k on gambling where he had paid most of it back however he had taken out another credit card and spent £25k on it with nothing being paid back. When I comfronted him he broke down and told me he had been suicidal for months about it and how sorry he was . I felt helpless and sick and shocked but with a 10 week old baby I just felt like I wanted to protect my son and just wanted to walk away. He begged me to stay and promised me that it would stop. I am just so annoyed and upset that not only has he lied and blew all our savings that we planned to build a house with but he has stopped me spending the time I wanted with my first baby at home for me having to return to work earlier than what I had planned for maternity leave. I really don’t know what to do and wanted some advice from anyone who had lived with a gambling addict? Do they ever change or get better from this disease? Can you ever trust someone like this again?

Hello i just wanted to respond since you have reached out for some advice and not yet had any reply.

Im so sorry to hear what you are going through. I know that exact feeling!!! I completely understand what you are going through, I have been in a similar scenario, just more years down the line. I can honestly say that living with a gamble addict is very stressful. We do what works for us but money is a constant concern. I always question where money has gone, my husband gets paid a very high wage but has no control over his addiction. His wages go into my personal bank account and i pay all the bills , he is given an allowance. The problem is, things keep cropping up where his wages disappear, i get a sorry excuse for him not being paid or he does get paid and suddenly needs extra money for his car breaking down or some other lie. This doesn't stop him getting out loans. I love him, but have been on the verge of leaving on many occasions. I think to myself that at least the bills are paid, at least we can still go on holidays extra' but i always have to be very cautious with Money, i work too but i don't spend a penny that doesn't need to be. I'm always waiting for the next big thing about to come up where my husband owes thousands and leaves us with nothing. It can be a hard life and the trust just goes. My husband would make up lies about needing to pop to the shops or something when he wants to go to the bookies and you would know fine well he is lying. There is also the huge mood swings, and you start to question what you have done wrong, when its never your fault. Suddenly I would get snapped at for very little reason. It took me years to stop taking it personally.

I don't know what your relationship is like but if you have a baby you need to think of their future. Financially iv had to protect myself and my kids. They have their own bank accounts and so do I, I save everything i possibly can to keep us all stable.

My husband is selfish and he knows he is..But he is getting there, slowly but surely.

I hope you manage to get through this, but in my honest opinion, i don't think the addiction goes away. Unless they have hit rock bottom. Where there is a will there is a way.