I'll try to make it short: I have been in the habit of masturbating and watching porn or chatting for the better part of my adult life (am in my early 40s). This habit has developed fantasies of control, Domination, humiliation. Recently I have read that porn addiction is a real thing, and that it rewires your brain, requiring more and more extreme images/fantasies to satisfy the craving of dopamine that sex addicts desire.
It all came truly to a head when I finally decided I had enough of hiding and being inauthentic: I disclosed my BDSM desires to my wife and asked her to engage in them, but I also disclosed the porn addiction. She knew I watch porn and masturbate, but neither of us knew about the possible relationship between it and the D/s desires to humiliate. To be honest, it is extremely difficult, and I am not even sure it is possible, to separate how much of these desires are because of porn and repeatedly associating masturbation with humiliation fantasies, and how much is because of other underlying issues (feeling unaccepted, or not powerful, confident ; childhood treatment; etc). Suffice it to say that I have decided to abstain from any kind of porn and masturbation, in the spirit of the NoFap movement (for those who know what it is).
The idea is to re-wire the brain, to "reboot" it, so the extreme desires disappear and a more healthy outlook on sex ensues.
The question here is for anyone who has dealt with porn addiction while married: How do you deal with sex with your partner? I understand that one is much more likely to relapse after sex, as urges are much stronger for a few days after. My goal, for now, is to have no masturbation alone, whatsoever. I just don't know if I also need to abstain from sex with my wife for a long while. the prospect of no sex with my wife is really really bringing me down. All along what I wanted to achieve is more sex, not less; I feel like it is a genuine need for me.
I'd appreciate hearing from anyone who has dealt with this either as the addicted person or the partner.
Has Anyone else found a connection between D/s desires and porn? Did the desires change/lessen/morph, once the addiction was controlled?
Thanks