DS Gaming Addiction - help!

[QueenOfOversharing]

Have to start this by asking - please reply without telling me to chuck him out or being harsh. I'm in a really bad place with my own mental health & I can't cope! I just wondered if anyone else has been through this & has any suggestions.

DS is 21, living at home while at uni, and got p/t job. 2 terms ago he was being cagey about money, then admitted he had spent all of his student loan & his £1000 (or £1500) overdraft on online gaming. We had agreed he would give me £50 p/w for food, but he couldn't. I got really angry & upset. The next term, despite assurances, same thing! He got his job at end of summer break & I locked the internet at home so he couldn't game. All seemed ok, u til today he admitted he's spent all his money (plus the money from the job) on gaming!!!!! I've been really calm & said he needs to speak to someone - he has refused til now. Told him to make gp appt (if he doesn't, I will do this myself).

I am 10 years sober, so I totally understand addiction, but I'm still struggling with knowing what I can do.

I can't tell him to move out as he has disabilities, we have no family (his dad was abusive so no contact with that side of family, and I'm estranged from mine), and he struggles socially.

I just feel such a fucking failure. I love him so much & would do anything for him (very complex medical history & lots of surgery & hospital intervention) - I've been his carer since he was born (gave up my career), then my mental health deteriorated & I haven't been able to go back to work.

I've looked up addiction support (we're in UK) for gaming, but there's very little (& what I found is, ironically, online).

Does anyone have any experience of this or suggestions? Thank you.

I do know that this has now been identified as an addiction officially now and they have not opened actual treatment centres for this, not actually sure where but there's hope. I do think it fits as an addiction but your right there's not much out there at the min. Do you think he could also be depressed and gaming has become his crutch? Would a go appointment be a good place to start? Your local therapy service would work on his depression if he has it bit unfortunately wouldn't be able to work on his gaming addiction. You sound like tour doing a great job though

UKAT do courses on overcoming an addiction to gaming, would he consider going on one of these? priory also do a course depending on what is closer to you x

@sarahc336 thank you so much. I'm sat here in tears!

I've told him he HAS to see GP. If he doesn't make the appt, I will. He refused last time we had this chat (I completely broke down & he did too). I gave him nhs online depression & anxiety test - he said he scored 2! He refused my suggestion of asking for referral to therapy.

With what I know about addiction, I honestly know he is addicted. The support still isn't there yet, but I hope I can find something. He did admit he thinks it's an addiction.

Thank you for being so kind. I don't have anyone I can share this with & I feel like I'm in a whirlwind.

@sleepismysuperpower1 I couldn't afford to send him. I don't think there's anything available through nhs. I have no savings & only my benefits (inc disability).

an off chance but do you think it would be covered by 'gambling'? i think it would depend what types of games he was addicted to but you could have a look at gamblers anonymous or see if he can be referred by the GP to a Councillor. all the best and you sound like you are doing a great job x

@sleepismysuperpower1 I'm looking into gamblers anonymous for him - it's not exactly the right fit, but I haven't been to a meeting, so I might very well be wrong. I found Computer Gaming Addicts Anon- I emailed the London contact, but there are no face to face meetings yet. I'm going to try to encourage him to join an online meeting.

I suggested counselling before & he flat out refused, but I'm going to push him to speak to the GP about it. I still believe he's depressed too.

Thank you so much! X

OP I'm sorry you are going through this and Pleased you have had some good suggestions.

Just wanted to say: you are NOT a failure. You are not. Well done on kicking your own addiction. Well done for leaving an abusive partner. Well done for raising your child without support. You are doing well in very well in really really difficult circumstances.

@WineGummyBear thank you! It's all just feeling like too much right now. I can't get any perspective. It'll all be ok, we've been through worse, but ughhhhhhhhhh today is shite!

Thank you for your kind words!

No problem. Queen. We all need to hear it sometimes. X

That’s sounds really hard, OP.

Have you seen this? An NHS clinic opening announced just last month:

www.england.nhs.uk/2019/10/children-treated-for-computer-gaming-addiction-under-nhs-long-term-plan/

www.irishnews.com/lifestyle/2019/10/15/news/think-your-child-is-addicted-to-gaming-don-t-despair-there-is-help-available-1734742/

And this is the doctor running it, could be worth contacting her direct? She sounds amazing!

www.cnwl.nhs.uk/news/cnwls-dr-henrietta-bowden-jones-comments-on-problem-gambling-in-new-film/

@AuntyElle omg thank you for this!
No I hadn't seen it. I'm going to have a good look. DS has said he's going to make a doctor's appt so I will print this out for him to take to them too.

He spoke to me a bit today - just stuff about food & the dogs, and I did ask what he thought he'd do - which was when he said GP to see if there was anything they could suggest.

I went to an Al-Anon meeting today - even though alcohol is not his addiction, it was good to share how terrified & confused I am. 12 Step programs are all about having faith that it will be ok, and not trying to exert your control/will - that's where I'm really struggling. He's still my little boy.

Here's hoping things get better.

Thank you so much!!

Of course he is! And great that he’s willing to go to the GP.

I thought it was good that it said that it’s not just one clinic, they will also work via Skype.

Here is further information on the doctor who seems to be championing support for gaming addiction in the NHS:
www.imperial.ac.uk/people/h.bowdenjones02

@AuntyElle I love this woman! She sounds incredible. And the clinic is in Soho - so easy for us to get to.

I mentioned to my GP about DS addiction, and I'm going to mention at my psych assessment today too. It's something I'm going to need support for.

DS was born with congenital hip dysplasia & had a looooot of surgery. He also has Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, a rare for of muscular dystrophy & dyspraxia. So it's been pretty stressful being a single mum, with all these additional issues - I was hoping we were having a bit of a break, then this.

He's up doing uni work that's due in later today, and I've made him an omelette. He seems ok this morning.

If I wasn't sober, I'd have had a good few drinks with this! Lol.

Thank you so much! I've been feeling very alone with this, so I appreciate it hugely. X

@AuntyElle I just called that clinic & the lady in charge of it is calling me back to arrange an assessment!!!!! I haven't even spoken to DS about it yet! But I'll speak to them & tbh if this happens, GP will be secondary.

Thank you again! Everything crossed that they can see him & help!!

Wow!! That’s great! You’re a quick worker!
You’ve both clearly been through so much. Massive crossed fingers that you’ll get some help with this.

@AuntyElle it was looking great until I told him about it & he refused! Baby steps....

Ah. Well at least the option is there...