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GAMBLING only found out yesterday help please

6 replies

Likeitlikethat · 30/10/2019 22:59

Hi , so basically my partner has been gambling every single week hundreds of pounds and I was so naive to believe he hadn't been. I thought he had stopped YEARS ago. I dont know why I had never questioned him about where his money was going when I should've been, there has been some weeks where I didn't have enough money for dinner for myself and my child so I went without as my money is pretty basic and I have to pay a lot of our household bills as he had always told me he had this that and the other to pay for (that never had anything to do with our actual house). He works away and is home at the weekends therefore it's hard for me to even notice if he had been gambling..he is a very hard worker and earns an excellent wage , but I feel like every single last dime I own is to support my child... I never have anything to myself any week.. which is sad . The good thing though is that he actually told me this time that he has been gambling, I feel like that is maybe a step in the right direction? Well hoping so anyways.. but I've been here before so I'm anxious at the same time. His mum met up with me yesterday , she more or less said "we are Never going to last" , which to be honest really pissed me off, I want us to last , I love him so much... but I know if this keeps happening we will never have a bright future. He could've helped save for a good deposit for a house , we could've got married and so on.. but this gambling addiction has put everything on hold. He has went and barred himself from bookies and all online gambling apps yesterday.. so I was happy with that. Does anyone know the next steps or have any guidance for me even as I feel a bit betrayed and I don't want this to ruin us . I haven't read over this as it's too long so hopefully it makes sense Blush

OP posts:
Candle1000 · 30/10/2019 23:02

Unless he makes massive steps to get help , I’m afraid this relationship just won’t last . He has to want to stop , and has to seek help for himself .

Kezebel · 30/10/2019 23:05

Hi. Gambling is a spiralling, serious addiction. The thrill of the win is a high that is irresistible to chase.

He can just as easily unbar himself and download the apps again. You had no idea he was doing this for...years?! Did you discuss deposit/marriage etc at the time?

He needs professional help. This is a level of betrayal that will be difficult to heal from.

www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/

Likeitlikethat · 30/10/2019 23:25

Hi , yeah I honestly had absolutely no idea at all. I didn't feel like he acted any differently in anyway and he had just always told me he has this that and the other to pay for every week but I never actually wrote down the dates of his bills to see if they made sense . I really have been so so stupid. I'm annoyed at myself. We are engaged now almost three years .. but only recently I have said to him "we should go to wedding fayres" and I also said "I've wrote a lost of my half of the guests I will be inviting you can write your half" and nope absolutely no interest in talking about the wedding .. so I asked him do you not want to get married or what is it? And he said of course I do. So that left me confused. But I'm guessing it was because he was worried about gambling.

OP posts:
Candle1000 · 30/10/2019 23:29

Please don’t marry him, you know he has a problem, a massive problem. He needs to hit rock bottom, he needs to see what he will lose if he carries on , if you’re not careful he will drag you down with him .

Likeitlikethat · 30/10/2019 23:37

Omg I have been warned of this and I have argued until I'm blue in the face to say he won't do it to me, but I am just being far to hopeful and not really being realistic Sad .. I guess I'm actually trying to avoid the truth myself. . The weird part of it is on our first date which was ten years ago .. I said to him "you don't gamble or anything do you because it's one of the things I am desperate to avoid in a man" he said no :( .. little did I know what I was getting myself into. . My brothers gambling addiction destroyed my mother , he resorted to stealing and all sorts of things he was so so desperate, he ended up with 40 grand worth of debt .

OP posts:
NadineGamCare · 31/10/2019 14:28

Hello there. You are being affected by your partner's gambling and you can get support to talk things through and get counselling if you feel that's what you need. www.gamcare.org.uk . Lots of specific gambling support available to you and your partner. Best of luck to you.

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