I was prescribed strong opioid painkillers after a breast surgery and I’m just going to come out and say this, then abused the tablets for about 9 months. At the worst point I was taking 3 times the recommended daily dose.
Often that was combined with excessive alcohol, easily 3 or 4 nights a week that could be considered a ‘binge’, and sometimes even washing down the painkillers with wine.
Of course the ‘cure’ for the hangovers which debilitated me several times a week was more painkillers and so the cycle continued.
If I look at some of my behaviours during that time I can see I was irresponsible, fatalistic, cold, detached and went around on autopilot. My skin dull and felt bloated, exercise wasn’t an option for me while I was abusing these pills and/or drunk or hungover.
I decided a few weeks ago I wanted my life back. There are a few very personal triggers that I won’t go in to here.
Today marks two weeks without an alcoholic drink and one week off the painkillers. I didn’t experience any withdrawal from alcohol, and I’m not missing it at all. I’m hoping I can go back to light drinking in time, but no desire to do so yet and I know that will need to be done with care. I had a horrific few days withdrawal from the painkillers earlier this week, felt like flu and crushing depression and shame. But I’ve done it. Thrown out all remaining meds, all the packaging, any sign.
My head feels clear, I feel like I’m seeing ‘the world in technicolour’ again. Writing this has been cathartic.
I want to let anyone know who is struggling that you CAN do it. The darkest days will pass and the other side is wonderful.