Cocaine addiction

[Lucasbroome]

Hi I’m looking for some serious advice and a friend if I’m honest. Feeling really shit and I don’t quite know what to do with myself.
So I know my husband uses cocaine socially when out and it’s something that’s really not bothered me before, he’s always not brought it into the house (so I believed) and was just a thing he has always done when out drinking with friends which was probably once every 3/6 months. We both loved crazy lifestyles before we settled down to have children and got married and I totally grew up and never touched anything of the sort since I was younger.
It so transpires the last 18minths I’d say he has been working a more relaxed job, a lot of working from home and late starts and has gotten into a terrible routine of staying up late and lying in. This has caused so many arguments as we have 2 small children and it seems to be me who is forever the one getting up and doing stuff untilL he decides to surface around midday by then he is very helpful. But still for me it’s not the best routine as I’m pregnant and I feel the pressure. I know he has been doing drugs at home now and then to which I beg him to not do with the kids in the house! I know this is selfish and he promises me he doesn’t... what can I do other than try and believe him. Things have just got totally worse.
I found underwear in the house. I confronted him in which he has admitted to having a stripper over whilist I was away!! He was totally in pieces ans confesses to me a party got out of hand with friends and it’s toatlly innocent. I mean how is that even innocent. Did he not stop and think for a second how disrespectful it is?! After me hitting the roof and him I’m tears he has confessed to me that he has a problem with cocaine and things got out of hand.
I mean you couldn’t write it could u?! I’m in utter shock.

1. I knew there was an issue with drugs that was developing and I want to help him through that

But 2. What the hell!!! How can I be emotional support and there for him through this addiction when he has completely disrespected me and our family in our home!!! I’m livid. I don’t know what to do. Do I leave? Or do I see this addiction through as a wife and mother and then sort our relationship problems out when things go have settled down. Old me would pack my bags and never look back but this man is the love of my life And for our beautiful children i just don’t know what to do!

@thebluewidow I'm so sorry you went through all that
DP says there are men in his NA group who have been clean 10 years? Maybe there are success stories? I really hope so. I know so many people who take cocaine recreationally with (seemingly) no issues at all, yet other people seem to be consumed by the drug. It pains me to hear of friends having taken it on a weekend, even on here I've seen people be very blasé about the 'odd line of coke', it's a such a horrible evil drug.

I agree, it's an awful drug. People can and do recover, it just seems to be the minority. The ones you see at the NA meetings are the ones who have done well, or for whom the program is working. My late DH attended meetings and residential rehab, and took inspiration from the ones who managed to stay clean, but lots didn't.

I think possibly more people who use recreationally have problems with it than either they or others know. I suspect that those who struggle with serious addictions are using because they are self-medicating for something and would therefore just be using another substance if it wasn't that particular one. Sometimes it seems as if the drug is almost incidental; it's the addiction that's the issue.

Sometimes it seems as if the drug is almost incidental; it's the addiction that's the issue. I agree. DP also gets impulsive when it comes to money/spending, as soon as he gets money it's spent and it's almost like it doesn't matter what on! If he can't get cocaine he has ended up taking other things, often cheaper ones. He was particularly impressed with some of the people in NA who had been clean 10 years, I do think this gave him hope whereas before he felt that he'd never get out of it and was therefore often suicidal because he felt it was his only way to stop.

He is having therapy and goes to a separate drug and alcohol service. I don't think he'd agree to rehab but if he can't/won't stay clean this time then I'm going to try and be more forceful with that option. He definitely has underlying issues though and I do think that for him it's a form of self medicating.

How are you feeling OP? I hope you're okay.

The worst thing for me is/was not being able to do anything and just having to accept that. I am not able to force him to want to stop taking drugs, and unfortunately for him (and us) his psychosis has totally rendered him unable to see reality. It's utterly terrifying the things he thinks are true and having no way at all of showing him he is wrong. It's been like an actual nightmare for a year. Drugs are just evil and his illness has ruined his life.

I hear you masterminder. Sadly, after my optomistic post this morning, I have found that he was using again last night. So, it's over, but this time for good - it has to be. I'm broken with it all. He confessed when I called him this morning, was rude and obnoxious to me and then hung up - his phone has been off ever since.

He too has psychosis, it's obviously a lot worse when he's been using but it's there even when he's not now. It's so hard sitting back and watching people self destruct on this vile shit. I'm so hurt. Does anyone else take relapses quite personally? It makes me feel as though I'm not enough, like our son and me just aren't worth more than the drugs are? Rational me knows that it's alot more complex than that but emotional me just feels like I'm being stabbed over and over and over with every broken promise.

I used to take them personally, but I don't anymore. It's not me it's him.

Don't know if you've ever read this but it totally changed the way I think about it all. Have a read.

www.heysigmund.com/when-someone-you-love-has-an-addiction/

I'm going through the same too with DH. He is currently in rehab which is good but I am well aware that it is an ongoing process and relapse is common.

His behaviour got out of control too and our days were marred with paranoia and cocaine psychosis.

Here to handhold and let you know you aren't alone

All the users who say that they can handle it, it's just recreational, should stop now as it can lead to this...
So sorry for your situation

Thank you mastermind, that link really resonated with me.

Feeling such a mix of emotions right now. Hurt, anger, frustration, I hate him so much for everything he's put everyone through. I've had no contact with him since yesterday morning. Trying hard to remain no contact now, I know that contact with him will just be like picking at a scab. It's hard because I have so many things I want to say to him and to ask him - but I realise that it would do no good anyway, it won't make him sorry and any answers he can give me won't change anything. I just need to try and accept that this is just the way things are and that I can't do a damn thing about it.

That's honestly the only thing you can do. You can't control the way other people act and the decisions they make. It took me a very long time to accept that, but once I did I was so much "happier" with everything. Kind of at peace with it, if you know what I mean? Me and my daughter are safe and secure and she is happy and hasn't got a clue. @ExhaustedGrinch it really will get easier once you can make your peace with it.