Husband cocaine addict and I'm not allowed to be angry?

[thundercloud8]

I found out 4 weeks ago my husband is a cocaine addict.

He went into rehab for 4 weeks and has since left and is now staying with his family.

He says he is struggling with my anger and that I’m responsible for my feelings not him. I believe that his behaviour has led to my feelings of anger but that doesn’t appear to be a valid response in his eyes. He risked our children. He spent over £80k of our savings. He has destroyed our lives and seems to be really downplaying this to me. He says it will take him a lifetime to make amends and I am unfair and not supporting him as I should as his wife. I should be showing him love and support and compassion apparently as he says it’s the same as if he had heart disease and was therefore unable to be a good husband and father. My son is crying every day that he’s not at home.

To be honest, after everything he has done I’m actually more annoyed by this attitude he seems to have after rehab than the behaviour in active addiction. Has rehab taught him this? Am I wrong to be angry and not more supportive? Is he not at all responsible for how I feel due to his behaviour?

[Waytooearly]

It's the same as heart disease?

Yes, because people often spend upwards of £80K and risk arrest to go out and buy heart disease.

Well done you for not falling for his bullshit.

[Raskyroo]

I know this is a thread from last year but I find myself in exactly the same situation . caught my husband with cocaine in our home 2 weeks ago this afternoon almost 2 years of lying and subjecting and abusing me to psychotic paranoid abused for the same length of time and pretending to be seriously ill with nasal issues as a pathetic attempt to both cover up his coke addiction and cover up the fact that he lay in bed for days on end and didn't work or do anything at all except upset people .

He has been in ' recovery ' for not even 2 weeks yet and staying with family after kicking him out ( I'm not having someone using class A drugs in our home with children ) I am being asked to not be hateful toward him as he's ' fragile ' and when things don't go his way he is threatening suicide again ( this has been his default setting since being discovered ) . I am hell angry - he has lied throughout the marriage , impacted the children who saw his psychotic rages and school had to get involved , stalked , spied on me and accused me of all sorts of false accusations of affairs and not being ' where I am supposed to be ' which is quite frankly disgusting and insulting ... the list goes on - now my anger may push him over the edge - well I'm sorry but this ' man ' has ruined our lives financially , emotionally and physically yet I'm told to feel sorry for him because he is ' ill ' I find this impossible to deal with !!

[FabbyChix]

It’s not an addiction in that the body needs it it’s psychological. It’s real easy to stop if you want to and don’t see those you take it with.