Why do I do it?

[Stuckinaloop19]

I have a good life, lovely kids, nice house and I’m able to work only two days a week. Have a good husband, good friends, lovely family. So why on Earth do I feel the need to take opiates? I go through cycles of cocodamol, gabapentin and morphine addiction. The cycles usually last about 3 weeks then I go through withdrawal and start taking the next drug. I have periods where I’m not addicted to anything but I always go back. My family have no idea at all. As I was lying in bed shivering and shaking last night I finally realised I have to stop. It has been on and off for about 8-9 years now. I just feel like I can’t cope without taking a tablet. I look forward to getting up in the morning and taking that pill. Why am I like this?

My son is an opiate addict so I have a little experience.
I would suggest seeing your GP first then approaching an addiction help centre, these are all over the country. The wait can be long so you need patience. You also need to tell your partner because you will need his support.
You're like this because you are an addict, I strongly believe a lot of addiction is cause by an underlying mental health condition so you would need to identify this with your doctors support.
Perhaps you think you're coping with your life but somewhere along the line there was a trigger which started the opiate use? In my sons case it was becoming an adult, he just couldn't cope with the responsibility.
You could try abstinence with talking therapy but some people (including my son) opt for medication to help come off drugs (he's a heroin addict and will begin a methadone program shortly).
Even though you've been taking pills the treatment plan will be similar as if you've been using heroin.
I really with you the best of luck.