Hi
I'll give some back story so as not to drop feed.
A few years ago I had a VERY messy breakup with my dc dad. It was that bad the police and ss had to be involved.
Unfortunately due to all that I developed a fondness for alcohol.
I realised fairly quickly I was on a slippery slope with it and sought help and all the fuss with dc dad calmed down and I had 2 fantastic years as a single parent. Working hard generally just being the best mom I could be.
It all started to go wrong when I was raped.
Before then ide smoked weed before put would probably get a £20 with a couple mates and have 1 or 2 and that would be it for months YEARS.
Sometimes I would buy a £20 and just put it away in case I fancied some at some point.
Anyway I digress.
After what had happened to me because of the issues ide had with alcohol I turned to weed.
It started off as just a little one in place of my first cigarette in the morning and has turned into a constant smoke.
I still function as a mom but it really hit me the other day how much I'm fucking up my dc.
It was a wake up call I needed.
Tuesday was the wake up call.
I worked it out I was spending £150 a week. I'm so so ashamed of myself.
However despite all that I still can't quite quit completly.
The last 2 days I have had 8 joints and that's it. I know that this is still far too much but I am a tiny bit proud of myself so far but it feels wrong to be proud of myself.
Should I be?
I'm also worried about the weekend.
How do I stop myself thinking fuck it lets have one it won't hurt?
I know in the grand scheme of things I haven't done that much but please if someone has quit this way tell me I'm doing the right thing?
I just want to be a mom again so my dc don't hate me for what I have become.