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Ex constantly threatening suicide - how do I deal with this?

18 replies

idlikemoresleep · 03/05/2018 14:39

Hi Just after a bit of advice.
I split with my ex around 3 months ago although the last 8 months of our relationship was very on and off. We never lived together or anything like that, was with him for about 2 years after splitting from my husband and father of my children.
Bit of background - when we met I knew he liked to drink but he's quite a bit younger than me so I just put it down to the younger lad lifestyle. He had a decent job which he was quite passionate about and we for a short while seemed good together. About a year into the relationship I realised his drinking was beyond normal (every night/ hiding it from people/ never knew when to stop) and it created some issues in our relationship. May I add that he was very rarely around my children but when he was he was always sober and really good with them. He was always more of "mummy's friend" than any parenting figure. Anyway he then lost his job due to choosing to go on benders with his mates rather than showing up to work. He could stop drinking for a week or 2 but then he'd go back to it and each time the "benders" got heavier and longer.
He then admitted to me that he had a problem and said he'd seek help but he never really fully committed to it. He'd go to an occasional AA meeting but then go on a bender again. This was around 10 months ago. After months and months of broken promises, manipulation and mind games I called it a day once and for all. He used me caring and my love as a weapon against me whenever he wanted to drink and pushed me to a point so I had to leave.
He'd often talked about killing himself but it always felt like a way of trying to make me stay rather than a serious threat.
Anyway I haven't seen him since February but we remained on speaking terms via text only. He's seeing a therapist, been put in anti depressants by the doc and seems to have thrown himself into the AA programme. He's constantly trying to use this as reasoning to get back together but quite frankly I don't want to.
He regularly sends me long winded deep and dark messages about how he wants to end his life and I'm just not sure how to handle them? I know he's suffering from depression but it almost seems as though he thinks I am the fix he needs but I know I'm not. I've reached a point now where I ignore most of the things he says but part of me thinks he's going to actually do something stupid one day.
Any advice?

OP posts:
AmazingPostVoices · 03/05/2018 14:43

Personally I would block him email/text/social media. It’s manipulative.

If he threatens suicide I’d disengage and call the police and his parents every single time.

InfiniteSheldon · 03/05/2018 14:44

Disengage, block ignore

mayhew · 03/05/2018 14:44

You are not responsible for his unhappiness. He is attempting to manipulate you. You say you've stopped replying. Now stop reading them and block him.
You have children, you have a responsibility for their happiness, that's where your energies should go. Don't let him drain you. You can't rescue him. I bet all his messages are about himself with little interest in your concerns.

idlikemoresleep · 03/05/2018 14:48

Thanks for the reply. He's not seen his dad for years and his mum and aunt are both alcoholics. I've called 999 on more than one occasion because of his threats of suicide but each time it's like he's laughed at me afterwards for caring?
I know you're right I should just block him completely. I just wanted another opinion as I too feel like he's being manipulative (or trying to be, any feelings I had are done with now)

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 03/05/2018 14:48

Protect yourself and block him. You are not responsible for him or his behaviour

idlikemoresleep · 03/05/2018 14:50

Thank you. That was my gut feeling but I just wanted some reassurance that it was the right thing to do.

OP posts:
AmazingPostVoices · 03/05/2018 15:04

I've called 999 on more than one occasion because of his threats of suicide but each time it's like he's laughed at me afterwards for caring?

In which case I’m a little confused as why you haven’t blocked him already?

Block him and move on with your life.

You aren’t responsible for him.

kissthealderman · 03/05/2018 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 03/05/2018 15:16

He is emotionally blackmailing you.

Ignore ignore ignore

His addiction issues and mental health are not your responsibility.

Block/delete number/defriend on facebook etc

idlikemoresleep · 03/05/2018 15:31

Amazingpost

That was a while ago now when we were together and I was too involved to see what he was doing.
I've been ignoring his threats for a while now but I posted Just to ask for advice as, as much as I know it's not my responsibility and I wouldn't blame myself in any way if he did do anything, I don't wish any harm on him and genuinely hope he sorts himself out I wouldn't want to neglect someone who was trying to cry for help so I just wanted some objective opinions.

Thanks for your reply :)

OP posts:
LiteraryDevil · 03/05/2018 18:13

Block and delete. He's not your responsibility and is trying to manipulate you.

AmazingPostVoices · 03/05/2018 18:18

I see OP. He’s hurting you. I really think you need to block him.

idlikemoresleep · 03/05/2018 21:05

Hi
I've taken your advice and blocked and deleted him. Didn't have him on any social media anyway but I've blocked and deleted his number from my phone. Just have to hope he doesn't show up on my doorstep.
Funny thing is it doesn't hurt me anymore. When we were together the threat of him drinking/ killing himself etc did hurt but having distanced myself it no longer does. It's just a mild irritation and it's so obvious that he's doing it to try to get me to say we'll try again I feel a bit sorry for him.
Anyhoo, thanks for your advice ladies :)

OP posts:
AmazingPostVoices · 03/05/2018 21:10

Good for you OP.

kissthealderman · 08/05/2018 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

idlikemoresleep · 09/05/2018 17:35

He attempted making contact via another phone so I blocked that number too..... that was 2 days ago and nothing since.
Thanks for asking :)

OP posts:
Bobs123 · 09/05/2018 17:42

Well done OP. You can’t help him, only he can help himself. If there is any contact after this, despite you blocking him, refer him to the Samaritans - tel. 116 123

LiteraryDevil · 09/05/2018 19:08

Well done you!

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