I'd like to share this with you.
To my ex
Last year you died, alone and in terrible circumstances. You did not deserve such a dreadful death.
I doubt you would believe me, but I think about you every day; about what was and what could have been.
Once we were in love, but there were three people in our relationship, and one of them was alcohol. You hid your addiction, but I found out, and feeling betrayed and heartbroken I left you.
After we split, your drinking got much worse. You could be a complete dick sometimes, vindictive and spiteful.
But I was the bigger dick.
I didn’t try to help you. In the stupidity of my youth I judged you. I thought I was better than you. I didn’t think you deserved my support. Because hurt can make us do terrible things.
I apologised to you a few years ago, saying I would have handled things much differently now. You agreed we both messed up. How wonderful and cruel hindsight is.
I am slowly starting to come to terms with the terrible guilt. I did wrong, and I cannot fix it. I didn’t support you when you needed it the most.
Although kindness can be misplaced and sometimes undeserved, I will NEVER regret being kind.
Because of you, I look in the mirror and say “today will be different. I will be kind to everyone, I will help people where I can”.
Rest in peace, you are remembered and loved.