Is he an alcoholic?

[mrszebrastripe]

My DH drinks pretty much every day. I find alcohol hidden around the house and today found some beers under a bin bag in the boot of his car. He doesn't drink spirits, more strong beer most nights and a half /whole bottle of wine 4-5 times per week.
We went out yesterday to an outdoor music event and suggested that rather than the usual debate about who drives home, we both refrained and just enjoyed the day together with our DD. He 'sulked' for the rest of the day, telling me that I like to 'suck the joy' out of anything he gets pleasure from.

Sounds like he's what I would call a "controlled" alcoholic, as in functions, holds down a job etc.

How would he react if you asked him to go without alcohol for a month? There's your answer.

Functioning alcoholic!
As above, ask him to refrain from alcohol for a month and see how that goes.

Apologies... I meant "functioning" not controlled.

I too think that he is a functioning alcoholic. I will ask him tomorrow to stop drinking for a month. I'm pretty sure that he will either refuse or just carry on sneaking about

So what will you do? You can't cure or control it. You didn't cause it.
If he doesn't choose to stop you can only focus on your behaviour.

Yes Wolfie, you are right. This is part of a bigger picture. We are having a tough time and to be honest, I feel that we are on the verge of splitting. He did say that he felt some counselling may be useful but that was two weeks ago and nothing seems to have happened. Sadly, I'm not sure that I have the will left to support him through it.

I'm so sorry. Only he can make the decision to stop. It IS possible but only if it's what HE wants. You can't force him. It's sad but you can only control your response. Could you separate temporarily for some breathing space?

Yes he definately has an issue IMHO. But what will you do? Most partners of alkys dont really understand what they are dealing with. What it means is that he is as addicted to that alcohol psychologically and maybe physically as surely as a heroin addict is addicted to their drug of choice. It creeps up on you slowly,that wind down, that drink after work,with mates,to be sociable and then,,well you feel it calling all the time.

Are you going to suffer it or address it? It must be costing a small fortune to service.

I've totted up how much it's costing a
month (best guess with what I pretty much know he's drinking) and yes it is a lot of money that could be put to good use elsewhere.
Sadly, there are other addictive traits going on too. I think he really does need help, but as a few of you have said, that needs to come from him.
We have children together, so sadly even if we do separate, I'll still have to witness the destruction and try to protect my kids as much as possible from the fall-out.