Anyone awake to ease my anxieties?

[choccywoccywoowah]

Just that really.

I'm awake for a little while, what's worrying you?

Thanks to DD coming down with a sickness bug, I am awake too.

What's up?

Just that DH is away, and I have indulged tonight.

Have you had a good time up to now? Is it all gone now?

I have actually, just now feeling guilty and ashamed.

Rubbish when you have nobody to talk to

Why are you feeling so guilty?

It doesn't sound like you are a royal fuck up. You're doing great and have a lot going for you, and plenty to look forward to.

You do have a weakness, and a potentially damaging one, but you have recognised that and are talking about it.

I'm no expert in addiction support so I can't offer any practical help but I do know that you're doing the right thing by accepting it's a problem and looking for support. Is your DH supportive (when he's there)?

Hi OP, really empathise with you. I got up early to get to my 7.30am AA meeting so I've been in a similar place. Highly functioning, always worked, brought up my daughter 100% alone in all respects but had the utter chaos, shame, bewilderment and fear that being an alcoholic brings. Could you get to an NA meeting today? I guess the first question is: do you want to stop? I didn't, for ages and kidded myself that I was in control.

I would second lobster, I have been addicted to cocaine for the last 15 months (having a binge once a week), it crept up to twice a week at times. I have three children under 8yrs. My youngest is 2.5 also. I work, have a lovely husband, naice home, naice area of London. Good friends and family. I have no idea why I do it, I stopped enjoying it months ago. I also get the most awful comedowns.

I have gone through periods of thinking I am a fuck up and a bad person. I don't believe that any more, I know I am a decent human being who has fallen foul of a terrible addiction.

I am starting a twelve step programme this week. (With Cocaine Anonymous) I tried for months to do it through sheer willpower and on my own, but it was impossible.

I hope you find the answer for yourself, there is help out there. You aren't alone

Well done flatwhite, that's great to hear. I learned to stop looking for a reason why I drank, because there wasn't one. The "why?" Then stopped being important. And despite what every non addict thinks, it isn't about willpower, which is why we seek a power greater than ourselves to restore us to sanity. In AA we say that we have an allergy to alcohol, a substance that many people enjoy - to us it's a poison.

Gosh, I've never taken cocaine but the DTs from alcohol withdrawal involve hallucinations and potentially fatal seizures for me - frightening as hell. I've locked up ghosts in the bathroom and had every electrical device talking to me - and I pride myself on my photographic memory yet this seemingly simple thing to recall was apparently in a mental block.

To both of you - wishing you peace and strength in recovery. It's a much nicer life.

Thanks lobster, so glad you have found the way forward. I am right at the beginning of the programme, but take great heart from the success of so many others. The withdrawals sound awful from alcohol. The comedown from coke is short lived but for me involves total inability to function and feeling like I would rather be dead. Not very practical when you have three little ones and a busy life. Keep going, I am envious of your progress

Have you been successful flatwhite45? Watching with interest. Keen to know how You Succeeded?

Hi LH, I am finally succeeding, but it took four months in AA/CA a big relapse and a treatment centre to get me into early recovery. I am now two months clean and sober, and so relieved that I don't have to live that tortuous addiction cycle anymore. What is your story?