Hi roseformeplease, I thought I might airtime because I would be in a si,liar position to your husband, I am sober six weeks following my wife leaving, and they have been hard, since end of August I have been displaced from home, lost the thing that I used to get through difficult times (alcohol) as well as losing a lot of the normal contact I had with DS.
The other side of the coin is that I can get up in the morning hang over free, I am not a shit to live with (even though I live on my own at the minute) and I have large,y been able to furnish a house with the money I saved from not drinking.
Your husband will in rehab be doing a lot of thinking and soul searching and should be thinking about where the marriage went wrong and his part in causing it, I am not saying you have done anything wrong, but he is trying to fix a problem in the marriage now, I'm not saying that you should give him a second chance and welcome him back with open arms, but I don't think that it is a good idea to write the marriage off either, remember there is a reason that you fell in love with DH and got married in the first place, let him show that there has (or hasn't) been a change in his behaviour.
The hardest part about my split with my wife is the fact that she is shutting me out, I get why she is, I was hard to live with and she says that she doesn't want to go back to that, that there are no feelings left for me, this may be true and there are things I did when married I am not proud of, but in trying to get sober, and going back to people that I have harmed and trying to make amends I am trying to make up for the past, I will never be able to fix it complete,y but I am trying to make my life and the life of others better by resolving it.
I would think about telling your husband that it is over, but that you MIGHT reconsider if he keeps himself clean and there is a major shift in his thinking - there will be a major shift anyway when he follows a treatment programme to stop drugs and alcohol.