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Original poster

Do you like your kids to look nice when you go out?

102 replies

maltesers · 31/05/2010 09:45

I know i am a bit fussy but i do like my kids to look well dressed. . .Anyone else the same? I havnt got much money and a single parent.
However, if we are going somewhere in particular they have to put on what i have got out. . . within reason. My youngest is 9 ys and he isnt fussy what i make him put on. . thank god. My older two are grown up now and away from home; so its up to them entirely and always from about aged 14 yrs. I hate my child to wear nylon football clothing. . unless he was actually playing footy. Socks have to match rest of clothes. .

OP posts:
LetThemEatCake · 01/06/2010 18:13

I like my children to look like healthy, happy children. That's what's nice.

colditz · 01/06/2010 18:15

it's so common to obsess about the socks your children are wearing. It is. I'm sorry, I know it's the taboo word ... but it is.

CantSupinate · 01/06/2010 18:45

No, that's not true, Bonsoir.
I have met many people who think that they are grooming and dressing themselves to look attractive, but in fact their net effect is to look completely wrong and very unattractive.

Northernlurker · 01/06/2010 19:05

I buy my girls nice stuff and then they do their own thing with it. They always look clean and fresh and like themselves - that's all I ask.

Bonsoir · 01/06/2010 20:11

CantSupinate - all you are saying is that you have met people who think they have good manners but don't. That doesn't change the basic premise that good manners get you far.

tinierclanger · 01/06/2010 21:01

DS gets filthy within about 20 minutes, but he is only 2! I imagine it's a trend that will continue though. I like to put him in things that suit him but I don't spend too much money on his clothes. Guilty of sock-matching though!

Actually, @Bonsoir, I think the more important life skill to teach your children is to look past people's outward appearances.

Whelk · 01/06/2010 21:21

I like my dds to look clean and presentable but am not too fussed on what they wear really. I don't mind them looking a bit scruffy to be honest! I think kids look best when they look like they have been running around outside!

I really hate seeing babies really trussed up and 'styled'.

bacon · 01/06/2010 21:50

My rule is breakfast then bathroom no matter if we are going out or not. Flatten hair, hairspray (he insists!) wash face properly and teeth (4 yr old) and I do the same with my 14 month old boy too.

Scruffy clothes for messing around the house and smart wear for going out. Parties always fresh jeans/cords and smart t-shirt. Posh do's a very smart shirt and trousers. Polished shoes.

I remember the days of Sunday best, shame thats gone.

Never horrible logos or slogens and like my baby boy to look cute not a designer doll for me.

When my oldest starts school he'll be learning to polish his shoes (another skill gone out the window) and like any mum he'll be going smart. I want him to learn postive skills and whether we like it or not first impressions do count.

bellavita · 01/06/2010 22:06

Of course I like my boys to look nice, but it gets to a stage where you cannot tell them what to wear anymore.

DS1 will be 13 this month - he does wear nice jeans but lives in superdry tshirts and hoodies and his Green Day t/shirt. Although we went out for a meal a couple of weeks ago for my dad's 70th birthday and DS1 put on a lovely polo shirt albeit with jeans, but he did look well presented.

DS2 will be 11 in November - he loves his jeans too. He is a big fan of Zara and knows what he wants when we go shopping. He always likes to co-ordinate.

bunnymother · 01/06/2010 22:55

I agree with Bonsoir, regardless of whether we like it or not, a person's appearance sends others a message about themselves. The better the message, the better that person tends to be, at least initially, received by others. Of course, if there is no substance, then that person's appearance is just a veneer. However, it's human nature to observe and interpret each others' appearances before getting to know them. So, I can't see how it is possible to teach one's DCs to look past appearances, and nor would I want to. Think it's better to just make sure they know how much importance to place on them (ie they are not paramount).

poshsinglemum · 01/06/2010 23:01

I love buying dd lovely clothes- they don't have to be expensive or designer either. i got a georgeous summer dress from and NCT sale. Most kids clothes are georgeous but i cannot stand tacky logos and /or branded clothes.

tatt · 02/06/2010 07:27

clothes may send out a message but they are not part of who you are, they are a symbol of how you wish to be seen.

It is not a "better" message but a message that is appropriate. So if you wish to get a job you go to the interview in the type of clothing normally worn in that type of work. If you wish to be accepted by the nouveau riche then you dress like them, if you are a teenager you dress like the group you wish to associate with. Young children do not generally notice what others wear, although their parents may care. Personally I was more concerned about the behaviour of the children mine played with than the clothes they wore.

My children understand the importance some people place on external symbols, I am proud that they see beyond them.

Bonsoir · 02/06/2010 08:04

And I am proud that my children are not growing up full of inherited neuroses that would prevent them making the best of every aspect of themselves .

Sakura · 02/06/2010 08:14

WHen DD was born I always made sure she looked nice , shopped for cute clothes for her etc.
Now I have DS I don't have the time or inclination to worry about it as much anymore and I definitely think its healthier this way.
Looking back, I think I was bordering on OCD a bit! I spent far too much money on clothes that did just get dirty or grown out of quickly.
Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that kids should not have to worry about dirtying their clothes. So now I shop at a lovely shop that's cheap but has really lovely designs. Strantely, people always ask me where I get her clothes now, whereas when I bought the more expensive stuff nobody did.

Sakura · 02/06/2010 08:16

strangely

SixtyFootDoll · 02/06/2010 08:21

Most of my DS's clothes are from Primark, H*M and a few Surfy t shirts thrown in.

They always look presentable adn it is important to look clean and tidy, not necessary to be kitted out in designer.

I dont think we should scoff at people for being 'common' for making the effort. I would rather see people take pride in hteir children than not giving a shit.

OrmRenewed · 02/06/2010 08:22

But surely making the best of themselves is subjective. My children have a different idea of what looks good to me - whose to say they are wrong?

Sakura · 02/06/2010 08:28

That's true Sixty. I'm all for benign neglect, but Bonsoir is right in the sense that people do react differently to children who look presentable. It's not fair on them in some ways if they always look really scruffy.
Got to find a balance, though. I think its bad parenting to instil a fear of looking messy into kids, especially girls. They need to be able to get down into the mud and soil without giving a thought to whether they get themselves dirty.

SixtyFootDoll · 02/06/2010 08:32

I cant bear kids being shouted at for getting their clothes/ shoes dirty.

If you dont want things to get dirty dont put them on children!!

BobLoblaw · 02/06/2010 08:37

School uniform has to be ironed etc with matching socks and shiney shoes but I let ds choose his own clothes after school and at weekends, as long as he's clean, not too creased and weather appropriate he can get on with it. He ends up filthy whatever he's doing anyway!

I have dd too though who is very disabled and for some reason I think it's very important that she is always dressed nicely and co-ordinates with hats, blankets, even wheelchair on special occasions . We get enough pitying looks, I'm sure there would be more if she looked messy or mucky.

asdx2 · 02/06/2010 08:50

I think I was more concerned with the older ones than I am the youngest tbh in so far as I would suggest what was suitable to wear.
With dd I let her choose and if it's not matching or to my taste I smile and say she looks beautiful anyway.
Dd seems to be able to carry it off anyway
Would always ensure though that she and the clothes were clean and hair brushed but no more input than that I'm afraid

CantSupinate · 02/06/2010 12:17

I abhor that, too, 60footdoll.

Bonsoir: you seem to equate how one looks (smart clothes and grooming) with good manners (=respect and consieration for others) -- are you honestly saying that looking ordinary or even scruffy is rude and disrespectful to the casual onlooker?

My other worry about 'teaching' children to look good in order to obtain an attraction advantage over others, is that it destroys their innocence; children especially young children should not be lumbered with such adult preoccupations.

expatinscotland · 02/06/2010 12:26

As long as they are clean and in clean clothes with combed hair.

I need to get their hair cut (reminder).

Unless it's a special occasion, well, they like to play, as they are children, and dress appropriately.

The weather is often poor here, so whatever they wear might likely be covered up with jackets and waterproofs and wellies, anyhow.

notso · 02/06/2010 12:52

I think it's funny that others dress their Children up for Grandparents, my PIL ask me to dress my DC in the hideous football kits they are intent on buying when they go and stay with them.
I do let my children choose what they want to wear within reason, my DD always seems to think the weather is scorching and ends up frozen, and DS has a knack for finding the most clashing or ill-fitting items in his wardrobe, so I do give a bit of guidance.

schmontilidrop · 02/06/2010 12:58

Of course, everything is clean, face clean, tidy hair.

The clothes choices however... DD dresses and picks herself, shes 4. This has led to some fairly inventive choices.