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Style and beauty

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Original poster

Does being a parent make you 'ageless?'

27 replies

Alicetheinvisible · 10/03/2010 12:47

My sister and i were talking the other day about how we are both stuck in a bit of a style rut, and when you are a parent it can be difficult to dress your age.

For example;

My sister is 24yrs old, has two children and generally lives in jeans/leggings with long tops and boots/ballet pumps. She went to a party with her kids and decided to wear her heeled shoes. She got lots of comments and looks because of it.

Any average 24yr old wouldn't be looked at twice for wearing heels, make up, fashionable clothes.

So, does being a parent mean that you are no longer seen as 24/25yrs old etc but just as a parent, and you should dress as a parent rather than as a young person iyswim?

(not sure i have put my point across very well - sorry )

OP posts:

deliciousdevilwoman · 10/03/2010 12:52

She should dress as she blardy well pleases! There is no rule to say that one has to morph into a frump or dress non descript after kids come along. She is in her mid 20's and should be making the most of it-in my (not so humble!) opinion of course

VinegarTits · 10/03/2010 12:55

No, i think the others at the party are just weird or jealous

nickytwotimes · 10/03/2010 12:55

Being a parent certainly makes you age...

Silly people though. Wtf is wrong with wearing heels?

tethersend · 10/03/2010 12:59

Not sure about age, but there is a conventionally accepted parent uniform...

When my DD was tiny, none of the other mums spoke to me at first baby group- the HV later informed me that it was probably because I was wearing a leopard print dress.

I think I'd rather have no friends than have to wear a tracksuit.

deliciousdevilwoman · 10/03/2010 13:02

FFS-Tethersend! What a bunch of idiots. Oh, and I agree with you re the tracksuit ;-)

tethersend · 10/03/2010 13:07

They were missing a trick... nothing hides baby sick like leopard print

OrmRenewed · 10/03/2010 13:09

No. But it does make you old

AvrilHeytch · 10/03/2010 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tethersend · 10/03/2010 13:28

Where I was (have thankfully moved away), it was some sort of velour tracksuit or leggings with Uggs and a cardigan.

Original poster

Alicetheinvisible · 10/03/2010 13:56

I am only 25 myself and look very young.

Do i go for the fashionable look, or do i go for 'nice' sensible mumsy clothes.

OP posts:

traceybath · 10/03/2010 14:00

I think its very easy when pregnant/have baby/small children to get stuck in a style rut and to get obsessed with things being machine washable

However hopefully for most of us our sense of style comes back.

I'm probably a bit mutton - always wear heels/make up etc and shock horror - white skinny jeans in the summer despite having small children.

I also love a bit of leopard print.

At 24 - your sister can wear anything and should do so

LittleMissBliss · 10/03/2010 14:23

I'm 23 and was in Asda yesterday getting a few bits to make cake, cleaning products etc. before picking up ds1 from nursery.

I was wearing legging and one of dp's hoodies as I had been cleaning all afternoon couldn't be arsed to make an effort to change for the folk of Asda. So looked very mumsy. I was with 5 month old ds2 and the Lady at the checkout said to me that she was glad that I wasn't buying alcohol, confused I asked why. She replied it was because she would have to ID me. I laughed and said oh I'm actually 23. She replied that i didn't look it. I commented that I had been i'd for lottery tickets in the past. She wasn't surprised as I apparently didn't even look 16.

Anyhow my point is when I wear fashionable put together looks and make a bit of effort I don't get these comments. The mumsy look works against me and just makes me look scruffy and allot younger than I am. But can't be bothered to make an effort all the time. Your sister should wear what makes her happy!

Original poster

Alicetheinvisible · 10/03/2010 15:14

My sister actually looks older than me (i think) but if i looked at her objectively, i couldn't tell you what age she looks.

I often think that you can say probably 20's, or probably 30's but couldn't be more specific when someone is wearing jeans, top and a pained expression

OP posts:

animula · 10/03/2010 16:14

I think it boils down to the squeamishness and mixed thinking society has about mothers.

It's very weird. I think it comes down to sexuality and self-hood. People feel a lot of conflicting and odd things about mothers and sexuality and self-hood. On the one hand, there's this whole thing about yummy mummies. We're told about celebrities who get their groove back ridiculously fast. On the other, (some) people aren't comfortable with mothers in high heels at the school pick-up and children's parties.

Gwynneth Paltrow was idolised for seeming to have pitched it about right, and then there was a lot of fuss (though mainly approbatory) when she decided to relaunch her film career by dressing more provocatively. Kate Moss followed the birth of her daughter by doing a very out there photo-shoot. So, clearly, there is some sort of "thing" going on about what mothers "are" and how they should dress. And it's a tricky one, even for celebrities who have teams of stylists and agents working on the issue.

You're supposed to look as though you have retained a degree of autonomy, sexuality, etc. but within approved limits. It is very awkward. And a bit mad.

We definitely give plaudits to women who manage it well, which I think suggests that it isn't easy.

P. S. I'm not convinced I manage it particularly well and am far too often found in flatties. I have one pair of "going out" heels but have been recently urged by friends to incorporate heels into my day-time repertoire.

animula · 10/03/2010 16:18

Tethersend - Have you been to CircusSpace? I think you'll love it. They run classes for children at the weekends. I suspect it would completely fit in with your family.

tethersend · 10/03/2010 16:23

Is that the one in Hoxton, animula? They are coming in to do a project at the school I teach in, and my friend's DS has lessons there... but apparently it's a 2 year waiting list!

Unless you meant that we're a bunch of clowns?

animula · 10/03/2010 16:28

They're doing a project at your school? Wow!

Yes, the one in Hoxton. Dd goes. Perhaps the waiting list wasn't as long as that when we put her name down, certainly didn't wait 2 years.

It's lovely, and the teachers are great.

animula · 10/03/2010 16:29

Aaghh! I've done the thread hi-jack thing again.

[Slaps wrist.]

Original poster

Alicetheinvisible · 10/03/2010 20:10

I'll forgive you

OP posts:

PoppityMoppityandCottontail · 10/03/2010 21:41

tethersend, I'd have made a bee-line for you in a leopard print dress, whilst breathing a sigh of relief that someone interesting had arrived

AvrilHeytch · 11/03/2010 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Alicetheinvisible · 11/03/2010 15:34

This is the problem Avril.

To be fashionable and get it right you have to spend money quite often on clothes, and as a mum you have more important things to spend money on.

So, if you have money to spend on clothes us mothers tend to spend it on something that is flattering and will last, but if you don't have a lot to spend on clothes you end up buying cheaper alternatives that aren't as flattering and don't last as long, or end up wearing the same pair of jeans constantly.

Vicious circle

OP posts:

TrillianAstra · 11/03/2010 15:37

The same face and outfit does look different depenind on whether it is just walking along or pushing a buggy

Was it a childrens party that your sister went to, or just a party at which children were present? If a childrens party, then the other women were presumably other mothers, and likely to be more than 24. maybe they were jealous that they were less youg and fashionable, or maybe they had decided that the "correct" outfit for such an occassion was one that suited their age group.

BelleDameSansMerci · 11/03/2010 15:42

I'm doomed then... My DD is 2.6 and I'm 44. I wear leggings, long tops and Uggs/ballet flats (when not at work)... Although, in the summer I wear skirts/dresses and whatever shoes I like (I love heels). I don't think motherhood makes you ageless so much as invisible (unless it's to do with parenting when what you wear will also be judged alongside everything else).

Original poster

Alicetheinvisible · 11/03/2010 15:53

Definitely invisible.

Say you saw someone pushing a buggy and someone asked you to describe them 10mins later..

Average person: Erm, aged between 20 and 40, pushing a buggy, erm, red coat? Maybe?

Mother: She was youngish looking? Pushing a Maclaren Mx3, it was red, had a boots freebie babybag, child about 2ish.

No one looks at you

OP posts:

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