At what age is it not acceptable to comment on a child's looks?

[Katymac]

Or become less acceptable?

I mean we (most of us) all coo over a baby & say isn't she beautiful/isn't he handsome

But it wouldn't occur to me to say it to a mum with a 15yo for example

So, when do you stop?

Is it more/less acceptable in other cultures?

I suppose it becomes rude when the child is old enough to understand and be embarrassed or insulted or know that you are not telling the truth.

So school age? Maybe?

i never stop! i say that children are lovely/handsome/beautiful whatever their age

To them? or to their parent?

Positively? NEVER.

Never, as long as it is positive, even if they are embarrassed- but not too much! I would tell the child directly most of the time within ear shot of parent I suppose. I would tell close friends and family children and parents as and when it popped into my head. My friends DD is 17, she looked stunning recently at a party. I told the mum.
Why you asking?

If I thought someone had a good looking child I would tell the parent no matter what the age.
I would prob nt tell a child the same thing over the age of a bout 6 I guess.

When we were on holiday people kept coming up to us to say how beautiful DD was

Now as she is a PFB I know this to be true - but would not generally consider going up to a 12yo's mum to say that; I mean just in conversation, yes or if a friends child 'dressed up' for a party/wedding

But it isn't something I do to a stranger in the street & then walk off iyswim

& I wasn't sure if I was odd/wierd & it was a normal thing to do

I think every mum likes to hear her baby is beautiful, but after that I would never, ever comment on anyone's looks, hair, height, weight. I had a lot of contact with someone who had bulimia as a child; she was obsessed with appearance and made remarks about hers and others' all the time. Hearing my DCs' appearance commented upon makes me cringe. With someone who is in their late teens, fine and good, but this kind of remark just flummoxes the average child, boy or girl.

Can't hurt a teenager to hear that he/she's beautiful imo.

I'm not sure - too much emphasis on looks seems wrong somehow

I may be over thinking it

I think that it's OK to do it providing your specific.

For example, I wouldn't say to a teenager 'Oh, aren't you beautiful', but I would say 'I really like your hair up like that' or 'Your eye make-up really suits you'.

Sincere & specific, that's what I think.

providing you're specific.

Dear God, what has come over me? They're not going to let me back to Pedant's Corner, are they?

i always tell every child i am related to under the age of 24 that they are gorgeous, IMO you can never hear this often enough, especially girls, as there's so much pressure on being pretty and 'normal'. In fact I usually say it to everybody I know, for the same reason!

My (then) 5 year old DD was told by someone in the street that she was pretty. DD stared at her with great disdain and said "no, I'm not PRETTY." "Oh, but you are, darling." "No, I'm not, don't be SO silly." The conversation went on in this vein for some time before DD got so fed up that she demanded to leave.

People, up until about two years ago, would stop DD1 (then 14) and I in the street, in restaurants anywhere to say she was "stunning", "beautiful" or just like Keira.

Which was fine for her, not so fine for DD2, who would be casually glanced at and only occasionally for those with a semblance of shame, be told and "you're very pretty too", in a way that would never fool a 12yo.

My pain for dd2 so far outweighed any misplaced pride I may have had for DD1, that I never comment on children's looks if I can't sincerely say something good about all in earshot

A complimentary remark about appearance is a compliment about something a child has done absolutely nothing to achieve, so I don't think it's necessarily a good thing for a girl.

I wish we had a word like the Sapnish guapo / guapa which roughly covers behaviour and presentation aswell as looks.

OMG! That sounds like a pet show. On that basis, I'm going to say don't comment!

mathanxiety - sometimes people need to be loved just for being who they are! not just for their achievements. which is what i hope an occasional 'hello gorgeous' makes them feel...

True, feeling you are loved is the most important thing for any child, but it depends on how much you hear something like that whether you start wondering if that's the only thing anyone considers important about you. Plus, complimenting someone's appearance is not loving them for what they are, it's more like loving them for how they look, maybe? What you are and how you look are two different things, IYSWIM.

Speaking as mother to a boy who is incredibly gorgeous, (he gets it from his Dad, luckily he got his brains from my side. Someome did once say to me "isn't he beautiful, he's not like you at all" ), I feel as soon as they are old enough to understand, then remarks purely on appearance are a bit uncalled for.
I'd much prefer DS to be complimented for his happy smile, or polite behaviour, (which he can actually control), rather than his inborn looks.
In the same way, we are now told it's not appropriate to praise a child for being "clever", but much better to praise for hard-work, sticking at it etc. Out of the child's earshot though, parents love to be told how beautiful their children are.

My own DS got told he was a gorgeous little girl many a time.

He had long eyelashes which he batted shamelessly, big blue eyes -- he also wore boys' clothes and had short hair, but he was prettier than a lot of girls...