When someone describes you as 'alternative' and you're almost 40

[DuelingFanjo]

does it make you feel like shit?

I went to a party at the weekend with DH and all the other (younger) women there (who I know and like) are of what I would call the 'shiny' persuasion. ie they all look well put together, have regular haircuts, lovely make-up etc.

One of them spent an awful long time complimenting me on how beautiful I looked, how nice my hair looked, how nice my dress was.

My hair I had curled for a change rather than straightening it or tying it back, my dress was just a slip from Primark covered with a black top teamed with funky tights and about the only thing I can fit into at the moment apart from jeans as I am the heaviest I have ever been.

Anyway - I remember she did say a few times that I was so alternative, she might even have used the word bohemian. To be fair to her I think she thinks she called me fat last time I saw her and so she was trying to make ammends. She didn't at all but she seems to have got it into her head that she did.

I don't want to be 'alternative' or 'bohemian' and I feel like the hippy of the group now.

How do you all feel about your 'look'?
is there any hope for me at all?

you sound like you looked lovely

i xpect she was trying to compliment you, but ctually strangling herself with her hwn rope, so to speak...

be proud and bohemian, who wants to look like everybody else?! you can still look polished, groomed and fashionable at the same time!

I probably look a bit the same and appear to have picked up some 'shiny' friends recently

I would take it as a compliment though, tis nice to be a bit 'alternative' and your outfit sounds cool.

Don't worry about it - if you dressed like them then something inside you would have died.

I get called bohemian for wearing converse and listening to 6 music...as if.

lol - possibly I can't take compliments!

Maybe a proper haircut would be a start. I have been growing it for over a year now and finally got rid of my fringe but am thinking maybe I could treat myself to a good cut.

Well I would love to be called bohemian, personally, so maybe I shouldn't comment! Do you really care what she thinks though? Do you really want to be shiny and high maintenance?

I think I would like to be more sophisticated but it's not in my nature to be high-maintenance!

she's obviously on the back foot

every time you see her go dressed in an entirely different fashion to feck with her

so next time perhaps a Carmen Miranda hat
then Krystal Carrington
Then Goth

report back though!!

Being alternative isn't a bad thing!
I'd rather be a bit alternative to mainstream, it shows you have a style all of your own rather than being a sheep

oh I could do Goth no problem, I have years of experience. I think it's because we come from different Yoof cultures. I was always goth and indie they are all ex clubbers. Though I have done a bit of both!

I think I perhaps need to just tidy up the edges, get a trim etc

Like you DF, I would like to be more groomed and shiny,but just haven't got it in me to keep it up. I scrub up well, but couldn't maintain that every day. And, more importantly, I like being able to go out of an evening looking different and much nicer than every day. I feel a million dollars when i've done my hair and put on make up and am not wearing my 'mammy uniform'.

She sounds like she was trying to compliment you but failing miserably, but there is nothing wrong with being called alternative or behemian. She's probably jeaous that she can't break free from her identikit uniform/look that she and all her friends wear.

One of my very good friends is a shiny girl, always perfect hair, make up, nails painted, nice clothes, very fashionable and she's bold with her fashion, which i'm evnious of, but she's got the personality and looks to carry it off. Me, I'd feel like I was playing dress up. If you're comfortable with your look then who cares how other people label it?

DF - I know exactly how oyu feel.
Even when I am well groomed (rarely) I don't have that patina of shiny. Something lets me down, my hair is slighty too long and scruffy for someone who is turning 40 this year, I wear too many silver rings sometimes, my boots are a little too big and clunky (as opposed to chic and spiky) etc.
And when people say ''ooh you don't look narly 40' I now worry they don't neccesarily mean it as a compliment

Oh - and I didn't mean to imply that they are all the same, they are just all very well turned out but they do have their own individual styles

Totally get that Molly, I think people think I am younger because I am a bit scruffy. lol

a woman who i know vaguely said to me the other day "i always look forward to seeing what you're wearing, it brightens up my day!"

i think it was a compliment as she is a nice lady but i did get a bit paranoid that she meant i looked weird

i love love love clothes and to dress, IMO, nicely,with makeup and jewellery (and i don't mean facial piercings and goth makeup, not that there is anthing wrong with that!!) but it doesn't always fit in with the "shiny" imagery that seems to be playground prevalent...

buy more boden

I am glad other people know what I mean by 'shiny'

TBH, I love being a bit 'alternative' and wouldn't take it as a put down. I sort of 'avoid' being a part of the shiny set...although I don't know if I could pull it off if I wanted..

But if it bothers you I think I would do some minor research as to how to simply achieve something a bit more 'classic' maybe.

And alternative isn't necessarily bohemian or hippy... I have very short hair which doesn't seem to be 'in' at the moment and just have my own thing going.

The Primark top with 'linen' trousers maybe?

I don't actually like having attention drawn to me though despite the way I dress sometimes...I do it for me IYSWIM

2Nnd hand shops are ace for revitalising a wardrobe..

Alternative? I'll have you know that I know for a FACT that Mitsubushi wears beige leisurewear from Cotton traders and has a bubble perm...

now that's alternative. Am thinking maybe a haircut this month and then if I haven't managed to lose any weight by next pay day I'll invest in some bigger clothes!

Hey, I can't remember what YOU were wearing at the Thermos Flask Convention Molly, and the memory of your speech on Flasks versus Travel Mugs still reduces me to tears