Letting yourself 'go'

[downhillfast]

Not sure whether to post this here or in health but here goes.

I just can't seem to be bothered anymore, I find it hard to take an interest in or make an effort with how I look. My hair seems to permanently be greasy (which I hate but feel so tired I'd rather sleep than wash it), ditto taking make-up off (that's when I can be bothered to apply any - mainly concealer for gross spots). I struggle to get dressed (when not at work), feel hungry, eat rubbish and look a mess. Suffer from acne - always have but seems to be getting worse.

Those people who manage to look good, how do you cope?

Do you find it a huge effort?

How can I improve? Please don't tell me to focus on the little things like manicures etc as it's not gonna happen.

I probably have a problem when even keeping my hair clean is too much effort

You will start to eat more healthily when you feel you deserve it, IYSWIM.

Your sense of self-worth sounds very low at the moment. You need to address this before you can tackle everything else.

It sounds like you have one problem with lots of symptoms, rather than lots of problems...

TBH you sound depresssed, but the question is are you depressed because of the weight, or is the weight a result of depression caused by other factors?

Can you change your GP?

If you try to eat healthily for a couple of weeks you should lose a few pounds to get you motivated.

would you join a slimming group at al?

discipline ?

Bizarre.

are you having treatment from your GP for your acne? if not you should be, and maybe ask for referral to a dermo if it is not getting any better.

"You will start to eat more healthily when you feel you deserve it, IYSWIM."

Tethersend, I feel this is at the heart of it!

Just have to work on feeling deserving.

Peony, I am certainly extra unhappy because of the weight, don't know if there are underlying reasons.

Whenever I think about getting some treatment for the acne, it (in true sod's law fashion) clears up for a bit. And it's difficult to get a short notice appt. Maybe I should see GP with some photographic evidence. Won't have a hope in hell of getting any help otherwise.

"Just have to work on feeling deserving"

Downhill, this needn't be a chore... This sentence speaks volumes about how you are feeling; it's not all your fault!

I don't think it's as simple as just telling yourself you deserve good things (you do, btw)- I really think you need some support. I think a good GP should be your first port of call.

(And possibly the chemists for dry shampoo your second )

Thank you tethersend for the dry shampoo tip

you sound very negative DHF about your gp.
If you are assertive and tell them that your acne comes and goes like many skin conditions, they should listen. If not , change your dr or be more assertive!

There is no short cut to losing weight as others have said- you need to work out a healthy eating pattern and stick to it.

If you don't like yourself, try writing a list of all your good points- not how you look, but how you are- like being a good mum, friend, whatever, and keep reading them.

Try to make one small change/goal a day to help you lose weight and write down your successes at the end of each day. The trick i s not to give up when you have a bad day.

maybe you should join one of the slimming/weight loss forums on MN for support?

I promise I don't work for the dry shampoo marketing board

In the past, making my diet healthier has always made me feel and look better (I think,) within a few days. I'm not talking miracles, but definite improvement. And I don't mean any sort of drastic change, either; just less junk, and more water (some of it in the form of tea...)

I have been very fortunate that my GP has taken my acne seriously. Have you mentioned it to your GP yet, or are you just assuming they won't prescribe without some sort of 'evidence'? No-one asks for topical skin treatment for fun , so even the most curmudgeonly practitioner has no imaginable reason to refuse! (I use Zineryt lotion when I have a breakout, by the way - drying initially, but only for the first couple of weeks.)

Buy this book. It is mainly commensense eating advice, eat slowly, chew well, stop when full etc.

The CD is excellent, very relaxing and sort of gives you subliminal messages about eating healthy food and taking more exercise! Sounds very strange but is brilliant.

Dry shampoo is good but some have a very strong perfume smell. I use before bed sometimes and then brush out in the morning.

I think a trip to your GP is a must even just to talk about how you feel.

I don't think Moondog's mention of the word discipline is that bizzarre tbh - lets face it, self-discipline is at the heart of most healthy eating /exercise/beauty.

But you have got to believe you (and DP, and DC) are worthy of making that disciplined effort first. If it is a mental health issue that can be helped, then that is the first step - and then it IS down to discipline.

Shame that has become a dirty word - hard to do much without it IMHO.

downhill, I find myself agreeing with tethersend again re dry shampoo and self-worth issues (and don't know her, am not stalking her and do not owe her money AFAIK ).

The panic attacks you mentioned, low mood AND a phobia thrown in (happens to be needles in your case, but could be anything really) all point towards a problem with clinical anxiety/depression which often go hand in hand.

You need (and deserve) help.

Can you change GP: see somebody else within the same surgery or change surgeries?
Ask for a referral for counselling or even better CBT - there are also a few on-line resourses I'll have a rummage for in a mo'.

I also think have a "good things about me" diary is a really good idea. Write one new thing down every day and reread them as needed.

I do think your problem goes deeper that just a make-over, much as that might well make you feel better too.

I reckon 2 weeks of healthy eating should be enough for you to notice an improvement to your skin.

Do see your GP though, you don't sound very well and they can help, honestly. Alongside the recommendations for thryoid test I'd get your iron levels tested too, when I was anaemic I was so tired and when my iron levels were back up again it was like going from black and white to colour.

Change your GP - there might be some details from your PCT about local practices that specialise in mental health issues - sounds particularly important if you're struggling do things and having panic attacks in my opinion.

Moodgym is good.

Here are a few links from the Royal College of Psychiatry for free online CBT resources.

CBT can be v effective for the treatment of phobias as well. A needle phobia is NOT a good one to put up with as it can put your wider health at risk if you avoid tests just because they would involve having blood taken.

"I don't think Moondog's mention of the word discipline is that bizzarre tbh - lets face it, self-discipline is at the heart of most healthy eating /exercise/beauty."

I agree, notyummy, self-discipline is key to addressing the issues you mention- I queried moondog's post as I don't believe any of those things are the issue here, even though they are mentioned in the OP. They may be symptoms of the problem, but the cause seems to be much more complicated.

I think that to mention discipline in such a trite way smacks of 'pull yourself together', and was not at all helpful IMO.

Pacific, I'm sure I owe you money now

Yes - which is why I mentioned the potential mental health issues as needing to be tackled first. Agree the use of the word needs context, but doesn't need to be barred from the discussion altogether.

I have had (and still have) friends with both mental health issues and complete lack of discipline....and unfortunately they are not completely mutually exclusive, which makes it really difficult to help sometimes.

The current philosophy appears to be 'Tackle the mental health issue and the rest will follow'.
It's a pervasive creed.

I see it the other way, namely
'Start looking after yourself and the mental health will improve'

"Start looking after yourself and the mental health will improve"

Each to their own, moondog. I believe the opposite to be true.

Although this could very easily become a chicken/egg style argument...

Moondog > I agree but don't at the same time. It's such an individual thing to go through.

IME depression is a serious hurdle to actually starting to looking after yourself. So I found I needed to start working on the depression before I could even begin to think about anything else.

But at the same time, once things started improving then your second statement was totally true. And in my current situation, still struggling with depression, but seemingly over the worst. I know that in order to keep the depression at bay I need to eat well and put as much effort as possible into my health and appearance. The alternative is a very slippery slope.

Downhillfast > you sound a lot like I did at the height of my depression. Obviously my experience isn't identical to yours, but things I found useful included;

• getting out more, sunshine is one of the best things, as is fresh air.
• more fruit and veg. Or at the very least things like smoothies.
• more water as well. This one is linked to what moondog is saying.
• little things will actually help you, it may seem like they wont. But treating yourself nice just once a day will help over time.
• realise that it wont get easier overnight, so there is no pressure on you
• depression isn't permanent, no matter how it feels. It will ease off.
• this will probably sound silly, but keep a list somewhere you can see it. On a mirror or stuck to the side of the TV. Write on it 1 good thing that happened that day. No matter how small. It helps shift your perspective.
• talk to someone when you feel down, mumsnet seems a very supportive place. I'm also always online if you wanted a shoulder to cry on.

Roacuntane is fantastic for acne, I had to buy it privately and you will need a blood test before you can start taking it, but it literally changed my life in my twenties, I would recommend it to everyone/anyone suffering because I spent thousands on make up, hair, personal trainers but if your face looks bad it was never going to make any difference to my confidence.

Good luck OP

Just to add OP my DD has had Roaccutane, and her skin/acne was not terrible, but spots were leaving scars. It helped enormously.

I find going out for walks as much a spossible works wonders.

The fresh air makes you feel better and is great for your complexion (skin).

It is also great for enhancing your mood (it was one of my key strategies for getting through depression and panic attacks).

It also ups your metabolism!

As to food, you don´t kneed to divide food into good or bad, crisps or tangerine.

If you´re feeling peckish, just eat something nice. Personally I love having a piece of fruit and a (small) bag of crisps in the afternoon. You can buy ready prepared fruit salads, or tins of peaches (also fruit! and a bit more like a treat).

I don´t believe in diets, i do believe in reasonable eating, ie do not deny yourseñf bread and potatoes if you will only end up raining the biscuit tin afterwards. Just have a nice baked potato, with baked beans or cole slaw. Take it easy on the butter and cheese, but no need to cut it out.

Having a cup of tea or coffee is also great for curbing your appetite a bit. (or a cup-soup)

Washing your hair, drying it, putting lippy on is a great effort for most people, not just you! Especially with a 2 year old!!!