Daft but... I dont know who I am

[dillinger]

This is weird and I dont know where to start. Ive got a ds 3 and dd 1 and Im now at the point where Im starting to wonder what kind of look I want, having spent the past few years pregnant or in maternity clothes, or clothes that dont matter so much - messy from the kids etc you know how it is.

Im 5'3" and a size 12/14, Id like to drop a size but I have my own demons with that Im trying to sort out... Im also pretty agoraphobic most days and dont have any family or friends near me so Im not out walking or anything either. My stomach is very doughy from having the children and Im still trying to accept that.. will I ever?

Ive spent so long in jeans and crappy t-shirts that I dont know who I am. I was 27 on sat so I think thats helping to create this confidence crisis Im having, I know it must sound odd but I feel so strange.

Ive never been one for wanting to be perfectly groomed etc, Ive got dreadlocks, and I cant wear heels anymore cos Im just not comfortable in them and my feet generally dont like any kind of footwear. I do wear makeup and take care in that. I have a few dresses but Im so not used to wearing them that the unfamiliarness really puts me off wearing them and tights feel awful.

We're pretty skint so I cant go out shopping but I just wondered if anyone ever feels like this, what did you do? Im so confused! I need a shove in the right direction. x

Plus even in t-shirts etc I still feel very big and flabby around my middle

Also I feel an issue is that I should be 'dressing my age' whatever that means

I'm older than you and don't have kids, but the 'looks revelation' to me was using (subtle) fake tan.

Now I can't wait for summer and bare legs, after years of sweating it out in jeans.

Don't worry about your tummy, nobody will see it unless you choose to show them, also a bit of fake tan on there will work wonders.

Wear those dresses with bare legs? Even a small heel will make a big difference, also wedge sandals give height without killing your feet.

Dressing your age at 27 means 'anything goes' - you can wear whatever you want.

You don't have to worry about age appropriate dressing for a few years yet - enjoy it!

Dressing your age = dressing pretty young if you are 27.

I feel like that most of the time.

I feel like when I was young enough to find "me" and be able to wear anything I wanted, I didn't have the confidence, and now I am getting more confident I can't tell what is me now, if I am stuck looking at the me I always wanted to be wasn't brave enough, or if rather than being stuck, that is "me".

Clear as mud?

Not that that helps you, but you ain't alone

Whenever I read threads like this I promise myself I will wear something interesting the next day, not just the usual jeans-and-strappy-top. Your "style" is whatever you choose.

Unfortunately it only lasts the one day

You sound as though you want something quite laid back and casual that you feel comfortable in. You don't say what sort of dresses you have, but if they are knee length or shorter you could try wearing them over jeans for now and by the summer you may feel more comfortable with bare legs. Knee length shorts are a good option as you can wear them with flats/flipflops/heels anything really. I can't wear heels because of a leg injury so i live in ballet pumps or very small wedges.
I think t-shirts are a bad idea tbh as they are not very flattering unless you have a flat stomach and boobs that hold themselves up. You would be better off in tunics, smock tops, blouses etc that even if loose fitting have got some shape to them.
If you hate wearing shoes do you wear flipflops? Because you can get some posh ones with jewels/flowers/beading etc on that make your outfit a bit smarter and also painting your toenails.

You are only 27 so age wise you can wear what you like, but i have one DD and i know what you mean about the belly/weight. I am the same height and size as you and i have found that i am more comfortable in more structured clothes - shirts and cardigans, knee length skirts that cover my tummy and vintage style tea dresses, but that is what i am comfortable in. You don't have to spend a lot either, the supermarkets have some really nice clothes that are really reasonable.

Good luck

If you've got dreadlocks are you quite 'surfy?'

I have a tendency towards jeans and super casual stuff cause i hate feeling 'dolled up' but i can get quite feminine if i wear white stuff or fatface stuff....

www.whitestuff.com/Her-Stuff-CWOMENS/
or
www.fatface.com/shop/Womens/icat/womenswear

for me it just feels right - today i've got on chinos, with a floaty white stuff top and a scarf and some bangles and big beads.

What about some big eyecatching jewellery ?

Doesnt have to be ££ but can liven up even the plainest of outfits.

Baggy t shirts are a big no-no to self esteem.

I think you need a bit of a boost to your overall confidence. I was going to suggest going to the hairderesser/getting one to come to you, but then I saw you have dreadlocks - not really an expert in them, I'm afraid, can you restyle them in anyway. Even a small change can make a big difference.

Agree on fake tan. Get some Dove/johnsons holiday tan stuff, it'll build up naturally then you can start to wear dresses without having to worry about tights.

Make yourself wear a dress or a skirt for three days on the trot and suddenly you'll be used to it.

Thanks all!

Ok well the t shirts arent so much baggy, just crap cheap ones you know. I think I need some basic tops but Im not sure about strappy ones. Used to wear jeans and vest tops all the time but now I have a complex about the tops of my arms...

I dont know if Id say I was surfy but I get what you mean, Im def laid back but dont want to look too 'boring' I guess, I dont even know what Im trying to say lol

The dresses I have are a couple of Yumi ones and a couple of flowery shirt types that indeed I wear over jeans. I dont mind the summer for footwear if Im happy in my birkenstocks, Im quite happy with my feet on display.

Hmm Im now thinking I need more jeans (mine are ancient now) and poss cardigans or something.

I find that having spent so long in 'baby sick chocolately hands puke' clothes that now if I make a slight effort it feels like Im too overdressed, whereas Im prob just dressing like any 'normal' person does

Ok so I think I need to make a list

Jeans (wide leg?)
I think I need a couple of shirts
Belts
Jewellery
Cardigans in other colours than black

What kind of basic tops do you think?

I got some lovely wide leg jeans from Asda that cost me £7 and they are thin summery weight too.

Definitely some shirts, i would get a white one and a black/navy one as they can go with anything, and some tunic/smock tops (dorothy perkins are good) in some summery colours/prints.

New look are good for cardigans

How about some bangles? Not too dressy but will dress your outfit up a bit

Fab thankyou x

White shirts look great but white clothes scare me lol

If you're not confident about white and your upper arms, then why not try a thin white t-shirt with 3/4 lenght sleeves that you can layer under t-shirts, dresses and shifts. As per previous poster - White Stuff do these.

You can get some funky printed or embroidered tunics which will help with the tummy and upper arms. I think they are fashionable atm and seem to be ''in'' every summer. Lots of shops do tunics- hav eseen some nice ones in Matalan, New Look, Warehouse, Monsoon, Fatface, The white stuff- they are everywhere.
Mabe some jersey wrap dresses with funky prints?
The dreads suggest that you are a funky chic at heart. Mabe quite hippyish. I'm a bit of a hippy and I love skinny jeans, tunics, kick flare jeans with tunic tops.
You could also wera dresses over jeans.
I love buying sandals and shoes a they don't require me to be skinny. I am size 14 and I never feel fat in feminine floaty clothes.
Just get stuff that fits well and skims curves.

Also skirts are great - denim skirts, floaty gypsy skirts, even mimi skirts. They can be dressed up or down and will make you look summery.

mini - not mimi