Help! I've lost the style plot.

[moosemama]

I feel a bit embarrassed about posting this but I seem to be worrying excessively about what to wear to a couple of upcoming night outs.

We are due to go out with one of DH's friends from work and his partner who are a good 15 years younger than us, with no kids and who I'm told always look sharp in designer gear.

I on the other hand have 3 dcs including a 14 week old dd and since having her seem to have completely lost the plot with what to wear in general let alone going out for the night. (Which incidentally is something I haven't done for almost a year thanks to a horrible pregnancy.)

I also need to do something about my hair, which seemed to develop a lot of grey during my pregnancy. I want to dye it, but have never done it myself before and can't afford to get it done at a salon. (I'm a very dark brunette and am worried about it looking flat and/or unnatural.)

I am reliably informed that DH's friends partner is very thin and stylish (I have never met her myself) and although I didn't put on anywhere near as much weight this time round, I am not at all happy with my size and, as is always the way for me when breastfeeding, my chest is enormous. (I am currently a size 14 waist and hips with 34jj chest, which means I have to wear an 18 on top.)

She is also just studying for a doctorate. Whereas I on the other hand, am a sahm with baby brain. I know I shouldn't let this intimidate me, especially as by all accounts she is very nice, but it does and its making me feel worse.

I have had a quick look around the shops and spent hours trawling the net, but am completely at a loss to know what to wear. Everything seems to be either way to young for me (I am 38 and don't suit young fashions) or too old and something my mother would wear.

By the way, we are going to see a lyrical poet at a library theatre, a comedian at the town hall and out for a meal. (3 separate nights out the last of which is for my birthday and involves lots of people I haven't seen for a long time.)

We don't have a lot of money and obviously I can't buy just one outfit as we are seeing the same couple each time.

I know there are far more important things in life to worry about than this, but its really been on my mind, to the extent I am thinking of cancelling. I think I have probably just lost confidence with not going out for so long and having such an awkward body shape at the moment.

Any suggestions.

Sorry for the long rambling post - that's what my mind is like at the moment.

Hay do not knock yourself being a sahm that in itself is much more hard work than studying.

The hair thing im not very good with but maybe its worth getting a friend to come and help you apply it. Im sure some hairdressers on here can advise you.

Right how about some nice high waisted trousers ? I am a size 16 and never ever considered them until a friend suggested them now I wouldnt be without them. They can be dressed up and they do give you a figure yours will be better than mine as you are a dress size lower . Mine where from dorothy perkins and cost around £ 25.00.

I got a lovely purple blouse to go with them they blouse has no buttons but a big bow that covers my big bust. Maybe you could get some trousers and 3 different tops to go with them.

Good luck and enjoy the time out with your dh and remember one day that your dh friends partner will have a jelly belly one day like the rest of us x

Thanks for responding laughalot.

I know being a sahm is hard work and shouldn't be compared to being in paid employment or studying. Its not that so much as my limited topics for conversation made worse by my baby brain (I always get it when I am breastfeeding). I just don't want to come across as boring or dense.

At least they have a new puppy, so that's one topic of conversation as I used to do dog behaviour and train dogs before I had the dcs.

I really like the highwaisted trousers idea, are yours wide legged ones. Haven't a clue what's supposed to be 'in' at the moment.

I will have a look at DPs, haven't looked there yet. Thanks for the suggestions.

Moosemama, I swear by skinny jeans, wedges and a nice floaty tunic/dress - hides a multitude of sins!

And as for dye - I have been v impressed with the Clairol Perfect Ten range, which is dead easy to apply and only takes ten mins to develop.

Thanks frazzledgirl, I have odd shaped legs, so skinny jeans look really weird on me, maybe skinny bootcut or kickflare? Where can I get nice floaty tunic dresses?

Am grateful for the dye advice too - I really don't have a clue which one to buy, there seems to be a mind boggling array of options.

Book a personal shopper appointment at Debenhams and try lots of things on with their help.

I would say probably linen trousers - maybe black wide leg ones and then a selection of different tops so it looks like lots of different out fits.

As for dying your hair I would say go for it - I have been doing it for years - although I find the clairol one a but flat - did mine last week and want to do it again as it just looks there not sparkly and shiney like lots of the other makes.

I would do a pair of good jeans, poss skinnies unless you feel top-heavy. Tunic top, belted and sandals/wedges. Nice bag, maybe a scarf as well. Lots of bangles.

For comedy club, similar outfit, perhaps a fitted top and blazer/jacket this time.
Maybe converse type shoes and more casual jeans this time.

For the meal - either outfit 1 above, or a pencil skirt with the wedges and a wrap cardi.

(As a similarly norky type (but mine are permanent 30Js ) a mid weight summer scarf is a wondeful thing cos the ends will disguise an awful lot!!

Belted top advice is cos this helps find the waist of busty girls, otherwise can look pg in tunic tops.

moosemama - "Easy Living" has a section on "easy up-dos" this month (don't laugh - oh all right, laugh; I like EL!). Give yourself a bit of practice with one of those in the evenings this week.

A really, really simple and always effective going out outfit is black jacket/blazer, black trousers (straight/skinny) and light coloured T-shirt/shirt. Providing you have good make-up, it always works. Ideally either dress down with converse or up with fab shoes.

Make-up; go through a magazine, pull out photos of faces that appeal and spend a bit of time, one evening, copying the make-up. Good news is that make-up is still fairly light, though lipstick is making a bit of a comeback.

Doctorate - Do not worry. Just ask her about it. Bet she's bored and demoralised. Anyway, you have mn - it's a great antidote to baby brain. Get yourself sorted with a few killer lines on the subject of the pandemic. Pinch the joke on the other thread about this not being the time to be busking in a sombrero in a Mexican-stylee band, and a few other not-great career choices. And I wonder if the comedian will be as funny as you?

And the credit crunch/global recession is another sure-fire hit - again, I'd be tempted to have a quick look at old threads!! There are some well-informed and funny people on here.

Have a great time.

We don't have a Debenhams anywhere nearby I'm afraid.

Am really appreciatve of the ideas, thanks MC and sassy.

make up, what have you got?

shoes?

jeans and a variety of tops sounds good.

Thanks cherryblossoms. I usually read EL as well, but my subscription has run out. Will do the school run via the newsagents later.

Got very little make up, fortunately have pretty good skin. I have dermalogica tinted moisturiser, a nice blusher and some mascara, that's about it.

Ditto shoes, I am currently living in my long black riding style boots. I like some of the summery wedges that are around though. Aren't converse a bit young for me?

Converse are great shoes. But they won't go if your look is at all "Per Una"!

Make-up; if I were you, I would invest in an eyeliner and some lipgloss. I'd go for eyeliner underneath the top lashes and on the top of the bottom lashes, mascara, foundation, lip gloss. Blusher is optional. Lucky you having good skin. If you're skin is really, really great you should think about a good red lipstick. But I suspect that might be outside your comfort zone.

yes get a couple of nice eyeliners to go with different outfits.
you are 38 not 98 you can wear whatever you like.

so we have an action plan:
dye hair
get eyeliner

what shops do you have near? i think you are going to have to try things on. ooh have you considered bravissimo tops? sorry cannot link sodding firewall has intervened.

And .... as if to illustrate how I feel, dd, who is never sick, has just thrown up all over me - literally!

My look? Hmmm, used to be sort of vw/surfy relaxed (we do have a camper) but I feel a bit old for that now and need a completely new look.

Not sure I'd manage to apply make-up well without looking like a clown. I have a tinted lip thing I wear when I go out, which is red/berry coloured, but I'm not confident enough to go for full on red lipstick.

Sorry, I sound really negative don't I.

We have most of the big clothes shops, a John Lewis, a M&S and a House of Fraser. I think the problem is too much choice rather than too little.

Have looked ar Bravissimo but their styles all seem to reveal bingo wings at the moment. We have a Bravissimo shop as well.

love these
or this- gorge colour

You could also have your hair done at a hairdressing school, or a model night at a salon. They are usually desperate for models to practice on, especially colouring. They are supervised at all stages, so not a big risk.

Toni and guy are good.

naomi83, lovely dresses, but then the models don't have my bingo wings.

Good idea about the hairdressing model night. I used to do that when I was younger - I'd completely forgotten about it. Might look into that one. Thanks.

The lip tint sounds perfect. Just keep the rest of your make-up really sheer and minimal.

Moosemama - the surfer/relaxed look is exactly what 38-40s women wear! And converse are perfect for that.

I have a bit of a theory about dressing for the "older" woman and it's this - simple and ironed. Providing you avoid overdosing on fringes and trimmings and get the iron out, you'll be OK. Go to Per Una - look closely - take notes if necessary - and then avoid anything that looks as if it belongs in there. I always think that it should be penned off with hazard tape - but perhaps that's just me.

And, not for now, but later, have a look at Lucia van der Post's columns (The Times?). She's a great deal older than you but is great because she does quite daring fashion but done in a way that suits older women. Though they are older than you and me.

go to john lewis, have a look at fat face, white stuff and great plains concessions. i think you are right about too much choice, try to just get something from there or hof.

Yes the are a wide legged ones. They are nice and I feel nice in them too.