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Original poster

Going grey...do it gracefully or dye it!

88 replies

ilove · 27/04/2009 11:30

I woke up last Monday (ON my 40th birthday!) to discover I have suddenly sprouted a LOT of grey hair!

So,do I give in with grace or do I dye? And if I dye, what to get? What's best? I am a brunette with bright blue eyes, shoulder length hair but a couple of large bald patches from alopecia.

OP posts:
Ferncottage · 28/04/2009 17:58

dyeing always always looks artificial however its done - it just looks awful
go grey!

hidetheribbons · 28/04/2009 19:50

Definitely dye it. I'm not ready to go grey yet. I thought 40 was the right age to go grey but now I've passed that I've decided the right age is more like 50 or 60. One day I will have to give in to the inevitable but not yet!!! Maybe when I can't reach my head any more (70? 80?)

Earthymama · 28/04/2009 21:33

I Dye Dye Dye sometimes not with the result I wanted oh no!!

I'm going to a wedding in July and wondered if a professional colour would be worth the money.

I'm naturally blonde, very grey now, almost white at sides and front. I've got a great hairdresser who cuts it really well which helps. But I'd love my 1980's blonde hair back, along with my gravity defying boobs!

casbie · 28/04/2009 22:37

i have had grey fibres since i turned thirty - and have since dyed my hair using natural stuff at health food shop.

but, have promised myself only to do this until fourty. my mum dyed her hair even when it started falling out at fifty!!

: (

best if have grey hair to spend your money on a really good hair-cut instead!

BeckhamSpice · 28/04/2009 23:10

When the time comes I, for one, will be doing a
Mirren
and for the slightly more pixie featured there's always The Dench

dreamylady · 29/04/2009 00:19

I would advise, don't get on the dye treadmill straight away - get a great haircut instead, regularly, and see how you feel for a while.

I'm in my very late 30's and got my first grey (in reddy light brunette hair) when I was 26. I was already dying a vibrant red at the time and continued for about 8 years - finally decided to go natural while i was young enough to enjoy the novelty and feel it was a positive choice! (rather than always worrying about how my roots looked, whether the shade was right as I got older, etc.)

I also wanted to try to make some kind of a point about maturing as a woman - I'm proud of my age and experiences and very happy to be healthy and alive, and hope to carry on feeling that way (naive maybe!!) If we can still be considered attractive without hiding the signs of maturity maybe we can help change people's perceptions of older women (maybe not as impressively as Mirren but we can all do our bit!) and thus enjoy our advancing years rather than living in regret and trying fruitlessly to hang on to our youth - which lets face it people in their 20's do so much better!

So I spent a year or so growing my colour out, subtly with the help of a very good colourist!! Since then with my distinguished grey streaks many people who haven't seen me for a while have said how well / happy / great i look - so i must be doing something right. And yes men still flirt with me (I think) I actually am proud of my grey -for now at least - and if I'm honest maybe a bit of a show off in being glad to stand out from the crowd.

tigerdriver · 29/04/2009 00:41

My hair hasn't been its natural colour for the last 32 years.

It is, I believe, naturally a rather nice shade of honey blonde with warm tones. What a bloody shame that the one time I decide to go back to my roots (ha ha), I discover than unbeknown to me, Old Father Time has turned it all grey and I am badger like in appearance without the hairdressers' help.

Dye it - unless you are Emmy lou Harris or Angelica Houston you will age 1000 years without dye. People with stunning white hair look stunning, precisely because there are so few of them.

I think, anyway.

piscesmoon · 29/04/2009 00:55

Dye it.

Granny23 · 29/04/2009 01:27

I have been bleaching/dying my hair since I was 15. I was a blonde child but started to darken to a boring, dull mouse brown. People who know me think I am lucky to have always been blonde. Now 62 my hair is (naturally) white at the front dirty grey at the back but looks really natural when done with a lightening dye colour - light honey blonde or similar. My sister, who had jet black hair is now completely white but dyes to the same shade as me. As we often go out together we each give the other colour credibility IYSWIM.

I know a woman who always wanted red hair and dyed it red immediately before she moved to our village with her red haired toddler. None of us guessed until she told me years later.

howtotellmum · 29/04/2009 08:21

I think there are a ew people who canget away with being grey if their colouring is right ( skin tone) and they have a great hair cut.

However, for the other 99% of mortals, I persoanlly think grey is aging.

I know some very pretty mums of my age ( 50-ish) who still have good figures etc etc but who have gone grey- and it does not flatter them at all- they look much older.

I suggest you go to the hairdressers and have low lights put in- maybe a few shades that tone in with your natural colour. The worst thing you can do is darken grey with a n over the counter bottle of dye as it will look too harsh, unnatural and "flat".

I am a light brunette/dark blonde naturally andmust have about 20 % grey by now, but I have 3 shades of honey blonde, lighter blonde and bits of my "own colour" put in with low lights.

sparkybint · 29/04/2009 09:53

I had naturally almost black hair which is very thick and wavy. I'm 51 and started going seriously grey in my late 30s. I started off dying it to match my natural colour and a while back tried the blond route as I was fed up with the horrible regrowth (it looked like a badger stripe).

But being blond just wasn't me and
I've now settled on colouring it myself (hairdressers use essentially the same products), once a month or so with a light ash brown shade that covers the grey beautifully and suits my colouring. When the grey comes through it is visible but blends well with the colour and I'm happy with it.

I'll probably let myself go totally grey in my late 50s; my mother of nearly 80 has the most wonderful silver hair (hers was black too) which positively shines and has a nice cut. I'll keep my hair longish and simply put it up in a chic updo or something (nothing worse than long grey locks). As others have said, the key to grey looking good is a great cut - be it a pixie like Judi Dench or a classy bob.

spotofcheerfulness · 29/04/2009 12:29

A lot depends on the length and texture of your hair. I have curly hair (am 32 and have had greys since 22 - now about 25%) and feel better when it's dyed but my mum went completely white at 30 (has short, straight hair) and looked absolutely stunning with it. I think if you're prematurely grey it can look great (esp the more you have) but I was beginning to look like a witch and as I often can't be bothered don't have time to wear make up just looked like someone's granny.

Granny23 · 29/04/2009 13:24

My Aunt, in common with most of my mother's family, surname Whyte funnily enough, was pure white by 30, lovely hair, looked stunning, etc, etc. BUT by the time she was 40 she just looked OLD. I am amused at the folk here who intend to go grey at 40 or 50 -just wait until you are that age. I bet you will be saying '50 is not old'. At 62, I consider my 87yo Uncle to be old, not me YET.

Tinker · 29/04/2009 15:13

"People with stunning white hair look stunning, precisely because there are so few of them." Too true. And because they looked stunning anyway, regardless of hair colour

LoveBuckets · 29/04/2009 18:51

Oh god yeah you can't go grey if you don't wear make up.

Blackduck · 29/04/2009 18:58

I have been going grey since I was 14 - runs in the family - I don't remember my father being anything other than grey (was totally grey at 24). I don't dye it and never intend to.... and I don't wear make up either

daisybaby · 29/04/2009 19:14

I use a semi permanent dye (have been dying my hair since age of about 14, and am now 41). Semi permanent is better for me, as I find I don't get the root regrowth, it just fades out over a few weeks, I can also change the colour easily, and it isn't so harsh and drying on my hair.
Hair dye was invented for a reason!

Babbity · 29/04/2009 19:36

I've got some grey - and I'm not intending to dye it - a) I can't be bothered, b) I don't have a problem with looking older, c) I rather like brown hair with streaks of white - which is what I have, d) I work in a profession where a little gravitas is helpful, e) I have better things to do with my money and time.

tigerdriver · 29/04/2009 22:12

get you, Babbity

hazeyjane · 29/04/2009 22:22

I had to stop dying my hair a few years ago, after years and years of dying, and was amazed when it all grew out to discover that I had a thick grey streak at the front (like 'The Mallen streak'!), dh kept calling me the silver fox.

I was really relieved when I could dye it again, because as someone said earlier in the thread, the patchiness of the grey just looks kind of messy.

I am dark haired with blue eyes, and find the Nice and Easy 118 really good and lasting.

Babbity · 29/04/2009 22:26

yes I suppose I sounded a bit snotty - not intended - just think I was a bit shocked that so many people dye their hair - I wouldn't have thought it would be so widespread, and was thinking/typing at the same time

tigerdriver · 29/04/2009 22:35

It's rampant Babbity and with good reason. The day someone invited me to a meeting becos they needed "a bit of weight and grey hair" was the day I started a makeover. Cheeky F*ers. I don't care how much they really needed me.

howtotellmum · 30/04/2009 08:26

babbity I would have thought you would have more gravitas by showing that you take care of your appearance and always look the best you possibly can, rather than allowing yourself to go grey- in the hope that this gives you some gravitas! I don't even think grey hair on men gives them gravitas!

Allwoing yourself to go grey can be interpreted as looking unkempt, not having gravitas!

I also disagree with the fact that you Seem to be critical of people who take time and care with their appearances to "get rid of the grey"!

Babbity · 30/04/2009 20:05

I'm not critical, not at all. I just don't think you need to dye grey hair to look groomed or "better". Just because I don't dye my hair doesn't mean I don't take care of my appearance - I just choose not to succumb to the pressure to fight the ageing process - works for me but clearly not for the majority (I don't mind that).

Who's to say looking younger = looking better? (and I love grey hair on men, but that's by the by)

LoveBuckets · 30/04/2009 20:18

'I would have thought you would have more gravitas by showing that you take care of your appearance and always look the best you possibly can'

Is that implying that people with grey hair look the opposite? Is that not a critical comment then? Babbity hasn't stayed grey just for the gravitas thingy, it's merely a perk of greyness for her.

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