Once you have let yourself go, how do you get back to looking nice without it costing the earth ??

[CrackerNut]

I have most definatly let myself go over the past few years and even more so since I became a single mum.

I can't figure out when I stopped caring as much really.

Anyhow, how do I get back to caring ? I hate the way I look at the mo, out of date, frumpy mum of 3.

Thing is I like my hair long cos I like it curly occasionally.

I'd actually have it permed if I had the guts. but I can't get my teenage perms out of my head lol.

They've changed loads. Ask for a consultation at a good hairdressers. They will explain everything inc whether a perm would suit you.

Good idea. I just want it wavy rather than full on curls, which would probably be ok as perms only used to give me waves anyway.

You look very pretty, and I think you have chosen your glasses well

I can't resist jumping in when there is talk of curling hair. Can you make your hair go curly/wavy without a perm? If you straighten it every day then presumably it has a bit of a natural wave. I'd say wash it, put in a good handful of mousse, scrunch it a bit and then leave to dry naturally, scrunching every so often. See how it looks, it could just be something you could do occassionally to look a bit different.

TBH I think this is more about how frumpy you feel than how frumpy you look, and things like getting really good underwear make a big difference even when you have the same clothes on top.

oi nutty my hair is permed!

it means i can get out of bed and am ready to go, or get it straightened temporarily

best of both worlds

i will say once again that putting on heels instead of flat automatically makes you feel more foxy, even in jeans

I will slap you cracker .

The reason why you are not getting as much as a smile in 3 years is because of you honestly it is - if you walk with confidence even if you have to fake it and smile and look 'open' to chat -it will happen,you are very pretty -changing your clothes doesnt change you -it just makes you feel better about yourself.

I am no beauty Im 34 with 3 children Im fatter than you but I frequently get chatted to in fact ds1 who is 15 hates it!!

I am married but I smile and chat and I think thats what appeals to people- I have been asked out but thats not cos im flirting its cos I just look like I might be up for a laugh.

Theres days when i look in the mirror and think omfg where did i go? .....but a flick of lippy and my hair in a ponytail and im 'ok' - if you dont love you -how can anyone else?

make a start pamper yourself with nice bubble bath,a new lippy and look around charity shops and stuff for funky things you can adapt.

Lots of sensible ideas here, but I can really sympathise with the 'feeling' aspect of it. The outfit you described earlier sounds lovely, not at all frumpy.

So, fwiw, I think you should go back and get the underwear. Who cares who else looks at it, it's for you and for making you feel great. Start treating yourself well, and it will make the world of difference.

Ahh see, I am crap at chatting to people esepcially if they are male, because I go bright red.

You are right though it is about me not the clothes. I just have zero confidence really. My driving lessons have improved things a little bit because It was something I always thought i'd be really bad at and i'm not, so thats good, I just need to find other ways of making me feel less umm worthless i guess.

I am going to look into having a perm I think. I much prefer my hair curly, but I can only get it like that either with rollers or tongs and it takes ages. I have sleot with rollers in but I looked like a poodle after lol.

Your are right about the heels too Lou. I bought a black patent pair the other week and wore them when I went out for a meal with my mate. They were really comfy so could be worn anytime, but I know if I put them on for every day wear i will feel daft. I am nuts lol.

i wear heels pretty much every day, nothing wrong with it

aside when i do the school run first thing then its usually my uggs tucked into jamas

I get a terrible red rash on my neck nd fce when chatting to people I dont know so much so that my dh on the night he met me thought I had a port wine stain down the side of my face and chest - it was only a few weeks later when he commented on how good my makeup was that it hid the birthmarks he realised it was a nerve rash.

You must practice smiling and saying hi it will all help,comment on things I try and compliment 1 person a day and it really makes a difference- I saw a gorgeous red haired little girl she looked like a 'borrower' and i said to her mum shes gorgeous her mum proudly thanked me and then told me shed had 5 miscarriages and the first thing her dh said as the baby was born was 'she looks like a borrower!!'.....another day the old lady in front of me in the post office had just had her hair done i said how lovely it looked she was 89 and had fostered over a 100 children!!.

Am with Nickschick on this - it's as much about attitude as what you look like/ are wearing.

When I was about 20 I had a best friend who was very open and smiley and flicked her hair, walked confidently etc. I meanwhile was/ am quite serious looking, not terribly confident etc.

Objectively, now 15 or so years on, I think we're probably equally attractive but SHE got about 90% of the men we met interested in her because of her friendlier manner.

Agree though with the ideas here to help you feel confident...nails, undies, hairdo and accessories.

You have the most glowing gorgeous skin by the way. I used to have skin like that and wished I'd appreciated it then before it started getting sallow and liney!

I rarely get chatted to/up and I think it's because I exude an aura of 'fuck off'.

I have difficulty in distinguishing between chatting up/chatting to so in the rare instance that a man does talk to me I feel like I need to make sure that I am definitely not /encouraging and this ends up in my being less friendly than a normal person who does not have these problems.

It does however mean that DP is not jealous, he knows I am physically incapable of flirting with other men.

Anyway, I second nickschick's advice of practising being friendly to random people.

I agree with the outgoing approach thing - 2 of my closest friends are thought of as beautiful by everyone; although if you were enough of a bith to deconstruct them, you could pick holes in their looks easily - but you know what - even though they whinge about saddlebags, noses, skin etc, all everyone else sees is 2 women who are always interested in how they are, always up for a coffee and have a laugh.

Bit of a lesson for me in there as I look like a stuffed lemon most of the time, although people often comment I completely change when I am with people I trust...

One time we were very short of money and I took a job in a local factory - this factory was full of people whod worked there for ages everyone was related and i really felt like a total outcast- my dh knew the boss so id been given a 'good' job as opposed to a dirty job .....and of course the others didnt like this and so made no efforts to speak to me - i was totally miserable and ready to quit -on fridays we had an extended tea break and so everyone went to the attatched social club - so in i went and i saw people i knew we had a laugh over a 'pie and a pint' and people i worked with seeing me in that light began to involve me more and i grew to quite like my job and its tea times.

several years later i was working somewhere else and bumped into one of the women id worked with there and she said 'you were lie a split personality like head girl swot on the shop floor yet get you into the club and you were a barrel of fun!!'

Get yaself out there get chatting get smiling and look like you like yourself!!!