Please, I need help finding my style

[Twinklemegan]

I've never ever posted here before so bear with me. I have very much lost my way in recent years because I just don't have money to spend on clothes. But as I've been losing pound after pound since having DS I am now in a desperate situation with almost everything I own (which isn't much) being too big for me. I'm on leave next week and will be hitting the (charity) shops, but I really need advice.

I know what I like when I see it in a catalogue, but where I fall down is visualising it on me rather than the model. As for browing the rails, I think I overlook a lot of things because I don't spot their potential. Because I lack confidence to try new things I end up with the same old tried and tested combinations which are getting a little boring. I'd love to be able to find my own style that really suits me, but how will I know?

The thing is, without wanting to brag, things should suit me in the main if I choose the right colours (I'm quite fair skinned). I'm a size 8/10 (the in between bit being a lot of my problem), and apart from my horrible knees I'm generally a decent shape. My hair needs attention for sure and I think that affects my self image and I hate my face, but speaking objectively I don't suppose I'm bad looking. So what is my problem?

That is a really broad question I know, but any advice would really be appreciated. TIA.

bloke response. Mrs Stubble [minus stubble ] has been the same. Dp was constantly saying 'Not Happy' at how she looked in clothes etc, it does take time, but trust in yourself. And trust me i ask DP does my bum look good in this so i can empathise slightly . DP did take time out to find herself again and with support (not sure on situation) it works wonders. btw never trust a blokes first response on do i look good in this when shopping.

how bout you hit some mad shop, maybe something with a few shops under one roof - type thing, and try a few different bits on? Like skinny jeans vs bootcut, try a few different colour tops, different necklines and the odd scarf or whatever? I lurve primark for this sort of thing, you can't 'arf come out with a good looking outfit for very few quids.
I'm the same size as you by the sound, and it isn't quite as easy as everyone [else] thinks, because there is a slight danger of looking lanky, depending a bit on your height.

btw, long knitted sweaters and a big belt or scarf, with skinny-ish jeans are my fave of the moment, cos they tend to make me look in proportion - as opposed to runner bean or something

Don't know if you live near a big town, but I once went to personal shopper (at Debenhams) to get an outfit for a special occasion, and bought something I'd never have looked at on the hanger. I think I looked OK. Keep meaning to do it again, but never found the time.
You don't have to buy what they come up with (so don't feel pressured if money is an issue), but might give you an idea of something different?

OK this is weird advice but it might work. Lots of women "lose their style" after childbirth. Partly, it's because your body changes shape so much, even if it's just for a short period; partly it's because, for most women, you're out of the fashion loop for a bit, if only because you're concentrating on other stuff, and so you miss out, for a bit, on fahion "micro-language" changes; and partly it's because you change, your priorities shift and you have a bit of a personality shift.
We use clothes to express who we are, so if "you" have changes, then it follows that your style changes too. Thing about "losing your style" is that you're probably still finding out who the post-baby "you" is.
Nothing beats doing what giglewitch suggested and trying on alot of clothes, even once a month having a "try, don't buy" couple of hours in a dept. store or shopping centre (with baby in buggy).
BUT you should also try looking at what you like in other women's "looks", maybe even splash out on a couple of magazines; working out what they"say" about that woman and thus what it is you might want your clothes to "say" about you.
That way you'll have a "style" and a sense of self.

I'm the same size as you and after many disasters in my 30s and 40s, I feel I now know what suits me.
I now avoid anything that isn't fitted- I am petite and a reasonable shape, so I never wear baggy tops or loose dresses. If I am wearing jeans or casual trousers, I wear a short-ish cardi, or tops that are reasonably fitted and show I have a waist! I've also worked out which colours suit me- and keep away from black , very bright colours and dark colours as they drain me.
You might also want to experiment and see if you suit V necks or round necks or high polo necks. I look awful in the latter two, as I have a short neck, so now I only wear V necks or scoop necks with a cami vest underneath if needed.
Same goes for skirts- I suit knee length or just above the knee with thick tights and boots- when I look back at the droopy calf length ones I wore years back, I think I looked middle aged!
If you can afford a good haircut it can really help and maybe a few highlights or a semi-permanent tint would help?
Another tip is to sit and have a coffee somewhere and see what other mums of your age are wearing!

what do you like?

If you have an idea of what suits you, it might be worth buying off Ebay- you can get new stuff there, with labels. I take my really old stuff to charity shops, but better things I flog on ebay. The problem with charity shops is that a lot of the time, the stuff is going to be dated.

A consultation with an image consultant makes a huge difference.
I too am broke, but as long as I stick to the style advice she gave me, I find I don't make mistakes, although I still haven't gone the whole hog throughout my wardrobe.
Think that will take more time and money than I have atm.
Could you arrange a consultaion as a birthday/Christmas present?

Wow - lots of advice to digest here. Thanks very much.

Half the problem is never, ever getting time on my own to browse the shops without a 2 year old in tow. This will happen this week - I have time off work, I've cleared it with DH, and I am going. I have a maximum £100 to spend, which I fear will not go very far as I need shoes, trousers and/or skirts, tops for work and jumpers for home. Ha ha!

Cheesesarnie - that is such a hard question to answer. Quite often, looks that I like are the very ones I cannot wear - ie shortish skirts, because my knees are really wide and horrible. I am generally afraid of colour, and usually navigate towards brownish, creamish tones which I think probably make me look frumpy. Ditto to long skirts. I always go for long skirts to hide my legs, but I don't think I look that great in them really.

I like fitted clothes - I can't abide anything that makes me look pregnant for example, like those dreadful gypsy tops or those empire line creations that were around last summer. Waisted half-length coats always appeal, for example (a coat is not on the agenda at the mo for obvious reasons). I am also attracted to things with a "vintage" feel, but I'm generally not brave enough to try and carry them off.

To be honest I have been making do with holding my clothes together with safety pins for so long (I kid you not) I've almost forgotten what it feels like to wear something that's well fitted and flattering. I think gigglewitch's suggestion of just going to try on loads and loads of clothes is as good a place to start as any.

The inevitable next stage of course, from experience, will be seeing something I really like and
a) it's too expensive, or
b) they don't have my size.
GRRR!

Twinkle - There's a thread on here about choosing colours, you should have a look at it. Otherwise use some of your time to hold colours against your face as one poster suggested.
If you like vintage, why not start with a vintage cardi? You can team it with straight-legged/skinny jeans or trousers and start with a v. simple 50s look. scroll down for pink cardi.
If you like the look of this one try hunting in M & S for something similar.
M & S Limited Collection and bits of Autograph (only bits of!) are good for updating your look.
Opaque tights will surely hide your knees, which I'll bet aren't that bad.

Thanks pinked - I will look at those things.

I think my mother has a lot to answer for. She once told me I shouldn't wear a short skirt for school "with my knees" - apparently all the women in my family have terrible fat knees . I've never ever forgotten it.

I went for a style and colour consultation with a Colour Me Beautiful style consultant. I found it was excellent because she told me exactly what styles suited my shape and told me which shops were best suited for my curvy figure.

It is expensive ( I got DH to purchase as a birthday present) but if you were to borrow the CMB book from the library and get a friend to give you an honest description of which shape category you fall into, then you can look at the advice and shop accordingly. Failing that I think Trinny & Susannah offer something similar on the Littlewoods web site ( sorry don't do links)

When you go trying on make sure your hair and face are done. If you don't it will put you off the clothes.

I lost 4 stone last year and couldn't believe how difficult it was to buy different clothes. For years I was conditioned to buy things to cover lumpy and wobbly bits and couldn't work out how to change it. I too went for lots of navy/black/brown. I went trying on shopping with a really good friend who has a good eye and we tried on loads and loads of different things - stuff I would have walked right past without someone telling me to try it - we didn't buy anything but it gave me the confidence to go round cheaper shops and pick things out. You can ask the shop assistants but not worth it in the primark/matalan type places as they aren't helpful. M&S were good - and you can take/send things back easily. Don't rush into it, it's surprisingly stressful, but there is great pleasure in rejecting something you because you don't like it, not because it makes you look like a trussed chicken!

i find, rather than looking at clothes on hangers, or fashion spreads in magazines, i much prefer to see what real people are wearing. women on the street mix disposable fashion and old favourites and vintage stuff in a way that's really wearable and original and (as a non 8-10!) i can see what clothes might look like on my figure. finding a seat in a busy shopping centre and people watching for even half an hour could give you the spark of all kinds of ideas. wardrobe remix is the online equivalent

Thanks for the link puppydavies. I've had a quick browse and I must admit I think most of them look awful! I guess that shows I'm not particularly adventurous.

But I do like

this

and this

Can any of you begin to suss me based on those examples?

PS Pinked - which colour thread were you meaning. There were a couple I found that linked to sites that told you if you're Spring, Summer, etc. Were those the ones. I came out as Spring incidentally, which means that recent choices of dusky pink tops etc appear to be correct. Hoorah! But evidentally brown not so great, but I think I know that anyway.