What should I wear to a funeral? Help me pick.

[zozo83]

I have my Grandma‘s funeral next week in a northern town. I’m expecting a small ceremony, a cremation, and a pub afterwards for the wake. My family are casual people.
I had ordered a Cos shift dress with long sleeves off Vinted but now the forecast is for 25 degrees, I’ll be way too hot and uncomfortable in that! I need help choosing from some other options I have in my wardrobe:
option 1
sleeveless boatneck top and drawstring trousers.
I feel good in this and would love to wear it but I‘m worried sleeveless is inappropriate. I don’t have a black cardigan / jacket but I suppose I could get one.

Option 2
Plisse/ pleated sack dress with tie waist. Is this too trendy/ eveningy? I also hate it with the flat shoes I plan to wear. It’s better with healed ankle boots but I feel they make it more trendy / casual.

I could also try to buy a new top to go with the trousers, or a new dress, but I don’t have a lot of time for scouring websites.

I am aware I’m probably overthinking this and that ‚nobody cares‘ but I care and I don’t have anyone to ask their opinion of so I’d welcome any kind feedback.

Very sorry to hear about your grandma.

Both outfits would be appropriate for a midsummer funeral and fit you well. The flat shoes look fine with the dress. Pick whichever outfit feels most comfortable

Hope it all goes off OK

Sorry for your loss. I think that the dress is more appropriate and the shoes look great.

I attended a funeral for my husband’s relative yesterday and wore a charcoal sleeveless shift dress and black suit jacket. I was sweltering and reluctant to take the jacket off as I wasn’t sure whether sleeveless was appropriate or not. In the end what some people chose to turn up in made me look very smart, I think perhaps I’m out of step with what goes at funerals these days.

I’d probably go for the dress as it looks smarter, but the most important thing is to be comfortable, particularly in whatever shoes you wear as there may be a fair bit of standing involved.

Thanks for the feedback everyone, I am happy to lean a little more casual as I think others will, especially given the heat. I might end up taking 2 options and make a last minute decision (I’ll be flying in early that morning). I’ve also just ordered a short sleeved black ‚lace‘ style cardigan from Uniqlo as an option to go over the sleeveless top.

I would go with the dress but I feel like such a huge frump in the flat shoes and a midi length dress. And I can’t be getting into trying to source comfortable healed shoes at this stage!

The dress looks perfect. The shoes are perfect, and it's a funeral, frumpy is allowed. (Not that I'm saying it is frumpy, just that it wouldn't matter.)

The first one, I agree with you about the arms, and also it looks casual. I expect no one else will care, but you might.

I went to a funeral on a hot day recently. I kept my jacket on in church - but churches are cool anyway - and then it was just a light coloured fine linen top, black trousers and flat black shoes. It was fine. Nobody will really mind, but do be aware that some people might disapprove of bare arms in church, so you will need a thin wrap or jacket. Men will be wearing jackets, collars and ties, after all.

I think the trousers and top look smarter than the dress to be honest. If you can lay your hands on a jacket or smart cardigan for church that will do it.
Alternatively, a black linen shirt or blouse with short sleeves would do perfectly.

Not sure where you are flying in from but worth bearing in mind that the forecast could change right up to that morning so layers will be your friend this time of year and a brolly.

Hi OP sorry for your loss.

i think either choice is appropriate, and I wouldn’t worry about your first outfit being sleeveless. I wore a sleeveless black linen dress and espadrilles to a funeral last year on an incredibly hot day and no one batted an eyelid. In fact two ladies came up and asked where I had bought it.

What matters is that you are there, and you will be remembering your grandma. Wear whatever you will feel most comfortable in. Hope all goes well.

I think the fact that they are smart clothes in black means you've more than covered it. Depending on the family vibe, any smart clothes would be fine and it's ok to dress for the weather. Super formal or covered up only needed if you think that's what the family wants - but you're the family here so you can judge!

Either outfit is fine. Sorry for your loss.

My condolences.

The dress and shoes are perfect, but I’m sure no one would mind if you wore the top and trousers.

I think people wearing more traditional dress for funerals is very rare these days. Last few funerals I’ve been to, I’ve seen darker colours like black, brown or grey to bright colours and florals, jeans, t shirts, trainers. And that includes younger and elderly people so it’s not an age thing. Personally I’d go with sleeveless because it’s hot, and comfy shoes.

Is it family expectation that you will be in all black? Otherwise, could you get a lightweight white or cream shirt to go with the trousers?

I agree with pp - don't rely on it being hot even if that's what the forecast currently says.

As others have said, traditional funeral wear is not mandatory anymore. However I wouldn't wear sleeveless anything to a funeral out of respect. Just me maybe!. The dress/shoe combo would work great, or a short sleeve top with the trousers, or indeed a light cardi over the sleeveless for the service anyway.

Your gran's generation would appreciate it I think!

Sorry for your loss.

Both outfits look comfortable, from what I see the dress doesn't look too dressy, and flats would look fine with it ime. A dress is usually cooler to wear than pants and I would suggest the dress looks less casual than pants and sleeveless top.

Thanks for the input everyone, it’s much appreciated.

So sorry for your loss.
They both look really good on you and are both appropriate for a funeral.
FWIW, I worked myself up into a complete panic about finding the right outfit for my BIL funeral a few months ago and it was true that it really didn’t matter on the day.

So sorry for your loss

any outfit will be fine, the important thing is that you are there.

I was mistaken for a caterer in a white blouse/black trousers at my aunt’s funeral!

Sorry for your loss @zozo83, I prefer the trouser outfit. A top layer in any dark colour will be ok. Even at my very elderly (late 90s), very traditional aunt’s funeral last year not everyone was in head to toe black, in fact very few.

eta PS - you have great arms.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My view is that the bereaved family should wear whatever gets them through the day. If you weren't family, I would say that I think both outfits are fine but I'd lean slightly towards the dress as being slightly less 'stand out'. But there really isn't much in it.

The dress is perfect.