So irritating! (the reverse of body shaming)

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

When someone wants advice on what to wear, and states clearly that they hate their arms, legs, fat stomach, whatever - and people come back with, ‘Oh, nobody cares, nobody’s going to be looking at you, just wear whatever you like’ etc.
But the person does care, and would prefer for the disliked bits not to be too obvious!

I get what you're saying, but I dearly wish we would try to stop seeing ourselves as a collection of flaws to be fixed. I created a thread recently on this as it seems to me to be more and more of a focus on S&B. Yes have preferences for what you do and don't like to wear, but finding joy in fabrics, colours, styles etc. is a more positive way to approach clothing ourselves than focusing on negativity.

I agree OP. I'm not going to find 'joy' in any fabric or colour that emphasises the parts of myself I'd rather cover up or skim over. There are styles and fabrics to suit everyone, but sometimes people need a bit of help to find them, particularly if their body has recently changed shape.

I'm not suggesting people wear things they don't like. I just wish our brains* and forums were less focused on self criticism and the starting point was 'what I like' rather than 'what I don't like about myself.
*(I include myself in this).

I think more body positivity will filter through in the new generation but for now most women are extremely negative about their bodies. They think they’re being funny, trying to emulate the woman who wrote about looking like someone’s fat nan, but it invariably reads as sad and depressing.

I'm 67, 5'3", generally a size 14, sometimes a 16 and very, very, very occasionally a 12.

If you forced me to say what are my "best" features, well I'm still breathing and I've got small, pretty feet. And good hair. If you ask me what my "worst features" are I wouldn't give it headroom.

I thought the "Suzie Quatro's Fat Nan" thread was dismal. Likewise all the posts about trenchcoats making posters look like Inspector Clouseau/ Inspector Gadget. And all the other "would make me look like a..."
And the "only looks good on a tall, willowy, teenage model" posts.

I'm nothing special. I was beautiful and very slim when I was younger but now I've got the body you'd expect for someone my size and age. But I like my body. It doesn't remotely stop me finding and wearing clothes I love.

I hope I'm not one of the posters who does this, op but I do find threads that start with a list of perceived body flaws quite depressing (especially the jokey, self deprecating ones I'm afraid). Normally I just don't post on them. I've fallen into that negative mindset myself in the past and I really don't want to get sucked in again.

'Body positivity' seems to be used as a term to normalise obesity.

I wish we could be more positive about the bodies we have but I don't see anything wrong with asking for advice on how to dress in a way that takes attention away from a part of our body we don't want accentuated.

With me, a lot of it comes from unsolicited comments I've had over the years about my body. I wish I'd known at a much earlier age how to not take such criticism to heart.

I mean what can you do if someone tells you 'Oh look at you. You're so slim. You used to be fat'?
The person who said it wasn't in the slightest bit malicious and I had lost a stone but I've never been above the normal BMI range for my height. Was it just a slip or was I really fat before?

I think usually the people commenting are often projecting. The girl telling me my boobs were enormous was either busty herself or flat chested, the comment about my huge arse was from someone plump etc.

I grew up listening to my mother and sister go on about their perceived physical faults and how fat or busty her SIL/friend was. It was somewhere where 'You're looking well' meant 'Blimey, you've eaten some pies' (it's regional, I'm not after a debate).

Stop the comments at source.

While we're at it, let's stop all the 'Size 16 isn't fat' nonsense. Its just a number.
(I would be fat at a size 16 because I'm quite short and not very broad-framed, a taller woman might be underweight if she wore it.)

I don't get that type of comment at all because I for one am definitely looking at what you are wearing. I'm interested in fashion and style.