I wish I was more low maintenance

[alltheleavesaredown]

Bear with me as this is style and beauty, but of course I know no one has to wear make up etc.
I have a friend who everything works for, naturally. It’s not about her being really beautiful or having the perfect figure it’s just about things which don’t “need” (yes I know) faffing with.
her hair dries naturally with lovely natural waves. Mine is a frizz ball if I air dry it so I style it a lot.
she has lovely olive skin and really even so she goes without make up. My skin is uneven and dark circles so I always wear make up.
her eyes and features stand out in her face. Mine sink into nothingness if I don’t wear makeup. (I do go for natural looking make up, I’m def not a contour and bronzer person, but I do feel I need something.)

her hair at almost 50 is still dark with a few twinkly white strands. My hair has been grey since my 20’s and I’m stuck (yes I know I could stop this But I’m so pale it doesn’t suit me white) in a hair dying cycle. Even my eyebrows are white so I dye those too.
Her skin is olive and lovely all over, my skin has eczema and is also so pale that people often comment about it, in “shock” about how pale I am if I don’t wear fake tan.

she has the kind of figure which is more boyish and she looks great in jeans and a white tshirt. My shape doesn’t work well for casual clothes as I’m more of an hourglass and need more structure and thought than just throwing on jeans and a t.

I know that people think I look nice as I do put in quite a bit of effort, but I’d just love to be more like my friend, who it just all seems to fall into place for!

Tell us what you like about yourself?

My hair has been grey since my 20’s and I’m stuck (yes I know I could stop this But I’m so pale it doesn’t suit me white) in a hair dying cycle.

I relate to this so much - I wish I didn’t have to spend the time/energy/money on dyeing my hair, and could just leave it natural - but I have had to deal with it since my mid 20’s, when it started to go grey.

If I left it, it would be almost pure white, which looks ridiculous next to my pale skin with pink undertones. I dye it ao I don’t look completely washed out and half dead.

My best friend stopped dyeing hers during Covid as we’re now in our 40’s - but hers has come out with beautiful salt and pepper highlights, and as she tans really well it looks great on her, she gets compliments all the time.

Could you try semi-permanent methods so you don’t have to do things that make you feel better daily.

a keratin treatment/brazilian blow dry for your hair to ease the frizz. They tend to last a good few months.

Gradual tan that you could apply once a week or so?

Skin boosters can work well for under eye bags. I’m not sure how often they need doing but should last a good three months if not more.

Eyelash lift and tint lasts 12 weeks. Eyebrow micro blading or tattooing needs topping up every 12-18 months. This will enhance your features. Or, tint your eyebrows?

I often feel quite envious when on holiday and see women with lovely silky hair that they can just throw up in a bun and look effortlessly glam, or with lovely even skin (I have pigmentation and fine, crap hair!) I have learned to just be envious and realise I have other redeeming features!

I am also a pale, eye-bagged, fair haired type so makeup (e.g. a small bit of mascara on blond eyelashes) makes a big difference.

I know I look prettier with make up on and was beholden to it to feel normal in my younger years.

A large part of what you feel comfortable with is what you are used to.
If you get used to going without mascara for example, you get used to seeing yourself that way and feel more confident about it. I've certainly found that in many ways. You are your own worst critic! I also just care less and less as time goes on.

Dying eyebrows is easy and quick and makes a difference to framing your face.

Relatable. I feel I am "high maintenance" even though I don't want to be! My hair is so fine that I resort to extensions for some thickness (and confidence). My hair has naturally gone a mousey brown from a blonde which seems to make my thin hair look greasy even when it's not, so I like get some highlights done when I can.
Pale skin means I have tried all types of tanning, but actually felt more self conscious that it all looked too fake/obvious on me. After tanning beds did the trick, I'm now trying to reverse the skin damage/pigmentation with facials! Aside from that, if I don't go for a regular treatment, I have had all sorts of problems with my skin from acne to dryness. People have even commented how a little makeup makes a big difference on me! The days I just rush out the house without it, I don't like all the flaws I see in harsh daylight.
I think when I'm done up, I look nice.. but what an effort this is!

I have a friend like that - tall thin blonde with the California girl look . My consolation as a short pale hourglass with fluffy silver hair is I can glam up on a night out and leave her for dead! My skin tone comes alive with makeup whilst hers just doesn't. We all have our moments to shine 🙂

Same here, I hate having a high maintenance body, I have to put so much effort in just to look ‘mid’

I have androgenic alopecia, I don’t have time to think about colouring or styling I just want my parting to fill in and have normal density. I take supplements, use minoxidil, wash hair daily, Dermastamp once a week.

Bad skin genetics, history of cystic acne which is luckily now very mild but that’s after expensive dermatologist appointments and prescription medication. I have large pores and some atrophic scarring on parts of the face though, too expensive to fix especially when can’t guarantee it will work. Fine lines on forehead and dark circles, but under eye concealer to cover the dark circles isn’t very flattering now as settles in my lines. Can’t win 😅

History of bad eczema on my body, thankfully in remission but I have some scarring from it and have to be very careful with my body skin, avoiding irritants etc. I get through so much moisturiser and blows my mind some people can shower without having to moisturise after?

Severe hirsutism, dense facial hair all over even goes up under my eyes and so I have to get very painful (and expensive!) electrolysis which leaves me with pinprick scabbing for up to a week. Averages around £200 a month on electrolysis and my face is still much hairier than ‘normal’ women who have never had electrolysis. Sadly the minoxidil for my alopecia is making my facial hair grow in faster so have to get more electrolysis sessions but at least it will be permanent removal in long term. I get laser hair removal on my body (still going years later because not permanent)

Never get my nails or lashes done or wear fancy outfits because I’m just desperately trying to look more normal first

Is it possible you haven't found the right peroxide and diet for you? I only reference diet because I don't know what causes dark circles.

My hair was frizzy and skin was dry and flakey until I found the right products, and getting dressed was hard until I found the right clothes. Those things make it more effortless.

Can I ask which curly girl method you use to bring out your natural waves? And how you figured out which colours suit you best for clothes please?

sure. You can research the curly girl method and especially curly girl for wavies, but this is what I do.

change your products including shampoo and conditioner so they are all ‘curly girl’ approved, which means they don’t contain various things which weigh your hair down and/or contribute to frizz. Cantu, Curl Smith and Only Curls are designed for this but theres others not necessarily those aimed at curly hair. Some brands are expensive and you can find cheaper equivalents. It’s not just the ones aimed at curly hair - lots of Faith in Nature stuff is ok (but not all!)

start by washing with a reset/clarifying shampoo that removes any product buildup in your hair. I used Noughty Detox Dynamo Clarifying Shampoo. You only need to do this once or twice at the beginning , then maybe occasionally, especially if you have used the wrong products.

i shampoo and condition and then put product on while it’s

sopping wet, with my head forward / upside down, scrunching the product upwards. Then I do the T-shirt method, also known as plopping, head forward onto a T-shirt that you then wrap into a turban, so your hair is piled on top of your head in it’s natural curl /wave pattern. Theres are videos of how to do this but it’s not difficult once you know.

I leave the T-shirt on for a bit then let it air dry.

Thats it.

You are aiming to let waves form in clumps. No heat. Though if in a hurry I will lightly diffuser dry.

I’ve tried various products for the wet hair application, currently Only Curls enhancing curl gel, but about to switch to something cheaper. Some people have more elaborate multi product routines.

I don’t use a towel anymore as apparently that roughens your cuticles and contributes to frizz, just a T-shirt . I also don’t comb or brush my hair as often.

my hair looks good the day I wash it, less good after I slept in it. I sometimes refresh my spraying it water and scrunching in more product. My hair has never looked better overall though. Previous I was trying to remove the wave but now im
embracing it and it’s much wavier and voluminous than I expected.

colours that suit, I had a professional consultation. Worth the price.

I look shit no matter what I do, so you’re winning compared to me OP 😂

I didn’t expect so many replies! Thanks everyone for the input and it’s good to know many of us feel the same. I’m not letting it bother me, I guess some of it is age as well, it was definitely easier when I was younger get to look good with less effort. Gone is the bright skin and eyes, hair colour and texture, skin texture etc. Oh well, it’s not the end of the world!