When you look in the mirror do you like what you see?

[LoveBeingAMum555]

Just that really. I am mid-fifties, lucky enough to be able to afford facials and nails done, and I am just about to get my teeth whitened. I have a good hairdresser, eat well and exercise regularly. I feel like I have a fairly good idea of what clothes suit me.

But when I look in the mirror or see a photo of myself I don't like how I look at all. I always think everyone else looks better than me. My son is getting married this year and thinking about outfits and being on show on the day has made me realise how little confidence I have in my appearance.

Do other people feel this way? Can I change how I see myself?

yes!

@PrincessofWellsI did tell them. I had a bit of a rant and told them I was a normal weight but that their mirrors/clothes made me look terrible. The poor sales assistant didn’t seem surprised and said that other women had said the same thing

Nope.
I catch myself in the mirror, look at a photo or see myself in a shop window and see an older and fatter version of my grandma.

I’m 58 and absolutely hate seeing myself in the mirror, especially the one that magnifies by 8! I’m otherwise content though and healthy so I really have no reason to complain.

I’m much much happier when I don’t know what I look like. We have a bathroom mirror in our house and that’s it. No full length mirror because I can tell if my skirt is tucked in my knickers by feel and that’s about as much as I need to know!

i feel the same. Look less…

I could have written the OP.
I was looking forward to my DD’s wedding last summer but dreading the full MOB attention.
Then my Dad died weeks before the wedding. I felt haggard and knackered but by then I really wasn’t bothered about how I looked on the day. My main role was to be there to support DD and have an enjoyable day. The day wasn’t about me and thankfully nobody paid any attention to my outfit or appearance.
My only regret is agreeing to let the make up artist do my face. I’m quite good at my makeup but was made to feel like my usual light touch wouldn’t look good in the photos. I’m very camera shy so wasn’t in many pictures so I would have been more confident in my own makeup .
I recently read that we are so accustomed to seeing our faces in reverse in the mirror that our image in photos is unfamiliar and jarring.

Yes, mostly. But I inherited "young looking" from my mum (I'm in my 40s) and I've just got to the end of my first year of running so the "you need to exercise" voice in my head has gone away. I could do without the slight double chin though, and my mid-brown curly hair is definitely going a bit silver. I need to work out what to do about that. I was going to just let it grow in but it's not going to do it evenly, sadly.

I have severe body dysmorphia so I see someone fat, ugly and completely unlovable. The only time I've felt happy in my own skin and genuinely beautiful is my wedding day.

Despite everything in my life giving evidence to the contrary. It's a feeling you can't really change so I've found just to ignore the negative chatter.

A friend of mine got this when she ate sugar. She had to cut it out completely including hidden sugars like ketchup

Yes it's fine - I look reasonably well kept, not doing too bad for 57, and there's nothing that a bit of lippy won't fix, but to be honest I don't really think about it too much or give much thought to what others look like. If they're really scruffy or full of botox and fillers I will notice as it's hard not to, or if they have a nice outfit on or have a nice haircut I will think that looks good, but most of the time I'm in a world of my own thinking nonsense.

I have a real thing about necks and hate to see a bad one but have now realized mine is going crepey. It looks especially bad in the car wing mirror when I am a passenger.

Yes and no. I like my hair, I've got good skin and I'm not unattractive. But I'm less happy with my body and I don't like the way I look from the neck down. I mean I'm not much bigger than I was, but before I was a good shape for my size, now I'm just lumpy all over.

A younger colleague did tell me she liked my style a few weeks ago, that was a bit of an ego boost though.

I think I have visibly aged over the last few years. I have to make a lot of effort to look nice these days. I went to an event yesterday and styled my hair and wore lipstick and smart clothes and a neighbour saw me on my way and said I looked lovely! It made me think I should make more effort day to day and I would actually feel better because it made a massive difference.

As for looking in the mirror I am passable but definitely looking older with a podgier body.

I suppose which mirror Im looking in.

One that is well lit and my hair is done and make up is on point,I look fabulous. A poor lit mirror when im tired I look worn out.
The trick is to look in the right mirror.

I see a female version of my Dad .

Generally happy when I look in the mirror.
Need my roots doing, can't afford to have my nails done. Stay fit, eat well. 48. Don't give a hoot about wrinkles etc.

Photos?! Eugh hate them.

I've always felt I look alright in some ways. In others not so much.

There will always be people who look younger, fitter, better hair, clothes, etc. and there will always be people who make less effort or are having a hard time, or simply don't care who could look objectively 'worse'.

You just have to make the best of what you've got.

The main thing is my nose as it's completely deformed with a deviated septum and I can bend the bottom of my nose so it squishes against my face. It's just loose flesh. Not nice. That and the inability to breathe and the migraines.

But hopefully I'm getting that fixed as I'm on waiting list.

I always think of it like this

i do a lot of decorating, and being the perfectionist I am, I can see every last flaw, every tiny wiggle in the paintwork where the wall joins the ceiling, when I'm standing up on my ladders. My DH will walk into the room and say how lovely it all looks because he sees the big picture, the whole room not the tiny flaws that I see up close.

so how we look to other people is very different to how we see ourselves because we're always homing in on features we don't like about ourselves. We need to be kinder to ourselves and see ourselves as whole women, not just eyes, lips, legs, boobs etc. therein madness lies.

ive spent years beating myself up about my looks needlessly. I do the best with what I have and know it's pointless and leads to much sadness and anxiety trying to be who I'm not (hence social media is definitely off my radar!). It's liberating.

Thanks all, definitely not on my own then, and some posts have made me smile. Someone made a comment about self-esteem which resonates, I like myself a bit more now than I did when I was younger, but I still lack confidence.

I did a voluntary workshop recently on public speaking and every single person there was a woman, most of us in professional roles, and there was a lot of talk about how much we hate being in the spotlight. It was both reassuring and frustrating at the same time.

I have no idea how you fix this, but I definitely need to try to like myself more!