Not caring anymore.. any advice?

[Habesha91]

Hi everyone,

I have been having a personal shift lately where I just don't care about how I look anymore . I would always make an effort when I go out, do my hair, dress attractive and put makeup on but over the last few years that has changed a lot. I rarely put makeup, dress up anymore and I'm noticing the change a lot more now.

One of the things I've stopped doing is covering my greys which I have been colouring for the last 10 years or so. I am 37 and started going grey in my late twenties. I never skipped a root touch up day and wouldn't go out from the house with my greys showing. However right now, I just don't care anymore and you can see I've got lots of greys. The thing is it doesn't bother me anymore and I don't care what people think of me. I'm also planning to ditch the dye and grow my greys, I like them and don't want to hide who I am. I got fed up with touching every two weeks and also stop wasting money on box dyes.

Same with my outfits, I'm more casual and wear what I feel comfortable in and stopped buying clothes I used to wear years ago. I don't like anything that grabs attention and like everything simple. Today, I just decluttered my makeup and got rid of most things I never used. Only to be left with one blush, powder and one lipstick. I also don't like jewellery anymore and stopped wearing perfume after I found out I'm pregnant.

I'm not sure if pregnancy is taking over me and I'm depressed or I'm going to some major hormonal changes which I don't know. I wouldn't say I'm depressed because I eat well and take care of myself and take care of my hygiene etc. I go to work and take care of my family too.

I just don't want to spend money on useless stuff too and became mindful of my money. I have no interest in buying new clothes, shoes anything like that. Instead I want to use what I have and replace when it's gone.

Is this normal? I'm just asking if anyone had a shift like this in their life time.

Sounds normal. I think much of it is the shift to being the way you want to be, rather than how you think you should be.

Sounds completely normal. Everyone is different but it sounds as if your brain is just shifting to different priorities and settling you into the version of you that will cope best with pregnancy and a baby.

It’s almost certainly excellent that you’ve stopped colouring your hair - the chemicals aren’t great for one’s health. I wouldn’t frame it as not caring about your appearance, I’m sure you look fine. And you have the whole of the rest of your life to change your mind a hundred times regarding hair colour.

It must be fascinating though, to notice these changes in yourself.

Fair play to you. I'm 39 and have been getting greys since I was 16😬 used to dye it but in my mind twenties I just thought fuck it, I don't care anymore. As long as I'm happy with how I look I don't give a toss what anyone else thinks of what I'm wearing or how I look. And I've never been one for make up thankfully. I think you're just getting to the point where your priorities are shifting because of having you're baby. When they're born you'll realise that your whole world now revolves around your little one and you'll see how unimportant make up and hair dye really is in comparison to bringing up a child.

Normal in my opinion. I'm 38 and also going grey naturally.

I do care about my appearance in terms of I want to be clean and presentable but I'm much more comfortable in who I am and what I like. I've pared back a lot in terms of having fewer clothes and makeup items but everything feeling like "me." For clothes they have to be comfortable and simple. I'm definitely favouring simpler shapes and less pattern than how I used to dress and I have a much more basic but consistent skincare and make-up routine using products that make me happy.

I see it as refining rather than not caring. I follow a lot of minimalist content on social media and although I'm not a minimalist as such I do think there's something to be said for underconsumption. I reckon that's quite a normal way to feel as you get older and realise what actually makes you happy. There is obviously a line where not caring about your appearance can make you feel worse about yourself and that can become a vicious cycle.....but in general there's something liberating about feeling comfortable in your own skin and not having endless clutter taking up both physical and mental space.

Congratulations on your baby news 😊

I am 30 and in the last year or so, I have become the same. I don't wear jewellery anymore. I don't wear make up anymore. I don't style my hair like I used to. I always wear casual, comfy clothes.

It feels good.

That's not to say I'm not looking after myself. I'm always clean and hair brushed. I'm going to exercise classes and working out.

I grew my hair out over the last two years - it's waist length thinking it's white enough to be ok now.
It looks like shit. A mix of grey/mouse. Probably the most boring colour in the universe.
I look and feel 20 years older. I'm back off to the hairdressers this evening to discuss a balyage.

I know when my emotional/mental health is poor I get like this. When I find myself slobbing round in things and needing a hair cut I can sort of measure it. But then Im not high maintenance, I dont have any treatments or wear makeup so its smaller changes for me. Ive always been fastidious about hygiene though so I can only tell through hair and clothes.

I’m 36 with a 16 month old and pregnant with my second. I probably noticed this shift as I entered the third trimester with my now 16 month old. Where my body felt like it was changing, frankly I couldn’t actually fit into any of my old clothes and didn’t go anywhere to justify buying nice maternity clothes. I was also more mindful of chemicals on my skin etc.

Once she was born I had no time for make up, if I managed a shower, to wash my hair, get changed into clean clothes and leave the house then that would be a win.

If you’re happy and comfortable then that’s all that matters.

More recently I have noticed just how different my style and look is now compared to before babies. I have now moved on in my thinking to become a bit more conscious of not becoming too comfortable and I do think having a few pieces that make it look like you’ve made an effort make me feel a bit better. Like having a nice pair of trainers or sandals, or nice gold hoop earrings or hair clip just make me feel that bit better when I don’t have any time to think.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.