At 59, how can I refresh my style, health and confidence?

[Dunnocantthinkofone]

I posted this on another thread but I need to address this properly. Here seems like the right place

I’m 59 and I’ve totally lost my way. Clothes - scruffy would be polite. I work with dogs and am perpetually covered in mud,slobber and hair. Most of my clothes don’t fit - lots are tight (enormous bloody boobs), the rest swamp me - if it fits the boobs the rest of me is under swathes of extra fabric
I’m notionally a good weight but it’s dispersed in all the wrong places since menopause. Food is awful. Each day starts with good intentions but ends nose down in the biscuit tin. It’s 6 months since my hair was cut, I badly need the dentist but avoid it (and every test known to medicine) with vigour
exercise is - sporadic at best
skincare and sun cream? Non existent

I’m lucky (and yes,it’s pure luck or possibly just the lack of tests to prove otherwise) to be healthy but I’m abusing that luck. It will run out if I don’t get my bloody act together

I need accountability and some help! Recommended products, easy hacks, something ….I dunno what tbh

Oh and I’m mother of the groom next year and WAY out of my depth in finding something to wear for that!

with 4 months until the big 6.0. I want to turn this around properly

I would start with exfoliating and moisturising. Not because this is going to magically make some huge improvements, but because it sounds like you could do with spending a bit of time caring for your body. A scrub at night in the shower or bath -- I like those green Korea Italy towels you can get cheaply on Amazon and some body lotion. It doesn't have to be expensive - Nivea is fine or baby oil - or something scented if you like that. But just spend the next week giving your neglected body a bit of a stroke. It's working so hard for you.

A good haircut is always cheering. Get your eyebrows shaped while you're there. And then some more tactile pleasures in your every day clothes is something I value. I walk most days through stable yards so I'm not buying heels, but I do have a really lovely pair of boots with a wonderful patina on the leather, and a really sharply cut tweed coat. I'm not saying you need these things specifically, I'm just saying something that fits with your life but is also beautiful. Instead of thinking of your body as a problem to be solved, think of it as a friend to be loved. Buy nice things, that fit!

I keep a Cosrx sunscreen stick by the front door and apply it when it seems critical. I can just about tolerate that one. I don't like sunscreens and I don't like makeup -- I don't like stuff on my face. I just rub some Nivea blue on, take that off with a flannel, and put some tret on at night. Not every night. That's about it, but I'm sure people with more complex routines can advise.

Oh I also do microneedling every 6 weeks as tret and microneedling are the most effective clinically proven interventions that can be done at home cheaply. In general I'm looking to improve the health of my skin as the primary focus.

Other things I do to care for my body: I have a knobbly foam roller and I roll my back on it. That feels nice. I "wall sit" which helps my knees. I have a few kettlebells around the house and I give them a bit of a swing when I pass them, which I saw on here once and is a good hack. I've got a knockoff Theragun and I massage my shoulders. I reward myself for doing things that are horrible, like the dentist - I completely bribe myself to do it, like a three year old.

I really found it very hard at first to look after myself properly - I was so so used to paying all my mind to others - but it's a good thing to do and after a long slow increasing program of, sorry, "self care", I feel a million times better. And so I look better too. One followed naturally from the other. I know I do because everyone tells me without me prompting them.

I’m generally crap at doing this.

I’ve divdided it up into healthy eating, exercise, skincare and clothes and I’m doing one new thing for each one in turn every week. For you this could look like.

Week 1 - make a dentist appointment. Do you need a GP appointment for anything you’ve been ignoring? Make that too.
week 2 - stop buying biscuits and increase protein
week 3 - get some new bras. Boob or bust website is good for working out your size.

Get a style and colour analysis. Really helped to upgrade my image. (I’m an autumn pear)

or read through this article to find the styles that suit your body shape.

theconceptwardrobe.com

OP, I'm you. Your "if it fits the boobs the rest of me is under swathes of extra fabric I’m notionally a good weight but it’s dispersed in all the wrong places since menopause." could have been written word for word about me.

A week ago I I decided to take myself in hand for fear of descending in an ever more appallingly stodgy spiral.

Every day since Saturday I have done these four things every day.

1. 10 minutes of exercise and stretching. I set the timer in the kitchen and do sets of 10 things. 10 sit ups, 10 lunges, 10 squats and so on and a lot of stretching (I've been getting stiff as well as stodgy). I got the stretches from an old Yoga for Gardeners book.
2. One 'pamper thing' every day. Pluck eyebrows, body scrub, sort out my hoof-type feet, deep condition hair etc. Takes 10 minutes.
3. One admin thing. Book hair appointment. Book dentist etc.
4. Writing down everything I eat that I know isn't good for me BEFORE I EAT IT. Seeing that I'm eating my third 'handful of chocolate raisins' starts to get a bit embarrassing.

The whole thing is taking me less than half an hour a day and, I know it sounds mad, but I already feel SO much better. This morning I put on my 'nice' jeans that I've not been able to get into since Christmas - and this is only in one week of doing barely anything. Getting the admin going and not feeling such a slobby troll is worth the effort for me and I am hoping if I stick to it I'll feel incredible in a month.

One last thing. BOOK YOUR MEDICAL TESTS. We can get away with it when we're younger (if you're lucky) but I'm 61 and you're 59 and one day our lacksidaisical mucking about is going to bite us on the ass.

Good luck! You can do it.

Thank you all ladies for some very kind, considered advice. A lifetime of us putting the health and wellbeing of everyone else first is a habit I’m guessing a lot of us have and it’s a hard one to break
Hell, I’m far fussier about my dog’s diet and exercise than I am my own! And I’d never miss a vets appointment. Which is frankly ridiculous
My main issue is probably a lack of planning. I’m chaotic. I rush from one thing to another, then realise I haven’t eaten, now have no time, so head for the crap easy to grab food.
I only remember I ought to have a smear test when the doctor sends a text, ignore it and then forget. I have loads of clothes that don’t fit and somewhere in there are probably some half decent options but no chance of finding them
Everything is a ‘tomorrow’ job.

Hi OP. We are similar shapes and ages so am following with interest.

Last year I found myself a new hairdresser. Just a local one next door to the corner shop - nothing fancy! But she’s great. She listens and she gets me.

You work with dogs so you must be pretty active. Just aim for small changes every so often, so new habits stick. I would start with a new bra, and a hair cut. Then work up to the dentist.

Some great advice already but one thing I find helpful is to have things in the car that I can do/use when I’m on the go. Things like a good moisturiser with SPF, handcream, lip balm, bag of nuts, protein bars, bottles of water, chewy vitamins etc. If I have them next to me I’m more likely to remember to use them when I’m dashing from one thing to the next.

Go for a bra fitting and spend money on a couple of well fitting bras and your clothes will look better

Start with a healthy diet, a weight loss plan of your choice if that’s your goal.
Food is medicine.

I honestly think - annoyingly - its about having a good figure. Being slim, and wearing clothes that emphasise it. Thats it! You can be make up free, have wild hair (actually long wild hair looks awesome), and wear scruffy clothes - but if they fit in all the right places, and you are slim, then you will look good. Think Kate Humble. My mum looks like the 75 year old version of her and always looks amazing - with virtually no effort. She is always in 'walking clothes' too, with no make-up, wild curly long hair, and just always looks really attractive and classy.

Im a bit chubby and booby and have to think constantly about what I wear. Its annoying.

Kate Humble or art teacher hair is a blessing. You can do messy up-dos and it looks good grey. Unfortunately a fair few of us have the sort of hair that laughs in the face of a casual chignon and instead of flowing in the wind, is plastered to the scalp in thin strands. I refuse to go short though, not least because I like a warm scarf of hair round my neck. I think “hairdos” are very ageing - and require oodles of maintenance.

Health!
Book your smear test. At your age it will likely be the last one.
Get the mammogram booked in and a dentist appointment.
Eye tests become free at 60 so leave that for a few months. I'm a year older than you and have just had a few things picked up at the eye test which have caused me to re-evaluate my diet much more seriously than any vague thoughts about 'eating more healthily'.

And finally, some really good bras

Edit: my GP does an MOT type check up at 60 - blood tests, weight, heart etc.

A single point about clothes not fitting. Why would you expect them to? Mass produced clothes only fit a very narrow range of standard shaped bodies. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your shape - it just means you need to address the manufacturing failure.

Solution - find a decent alterations service. Google ‘best clothes alterations’ in your area and read all their details and reviews. Choose one. Take a top you don’t mind too much about, and see how they do. Then be prepared to take anything you want to look good in (maybe not your work clothes).

If you start doing this now you’ll immediately feel better in front of your mirror and you’ll be able to approach MOG shopping with far more equanimity.

I am a similarish age and have "art teacher" hair! Great phrase. However, it does require looking after. I generally focus on keeping myself, hair and skin healthy. I also try to make it easy to do stuff, so keeping products etc in convenient places. Some great ideas already here.

Get lifting - I know everyone bangs on about it but it is so important for general health, and you would be surprised at how many health issues a lack of muscle causes us as we age. I know you work with dogs, and no doubt are out-and-about all day, but try and incorporate even 10,15 mins of lifting a day. Get some free weights and scour YouTube, there are 100’s of short clips and you’ll be amazed how quickly the results come and how your shape changes.

Ha - I have 'art teacher hair' - red and madly curly/frizzy depending on day (or hour). It can go from 'beautiful irish princess' to 'escaped from the asylum' in a matter of minutes though. 😆

My brother always take the piss and says I have my 'social worker outfits' on again. I am a social worker, and if I think about it there is a uniform that Ive embraced (lucy and yaks and docs). Im never gonna be classy but I dont strive to be.

My hair used to be dark and curly and is now silver and curly. I agree it can turn to wild frizz very quickly! I'm a teacher (and also a yoga teacher) so I can definitely look like a mad hippy easily 😆

I try to focus on eating nutritious food and being active as a good start, you will feel better and look better as a side effect. Doing some strength/resistance exercise of sort is great. Clothes that fit well - I agree some personal stylist etc could help, finding outfit formulas that work for you. There are certain styles of clothes I wear on repeat.