Sudden ageing after pregnancy loss: gentle skincare and confidence tips?

[FifteenYearsInone]

I need some advice on how to address very sudden severe aging.

Up till a year ago I looked great, I was happy, looked younger than I was (41 now but just over a year ago people regularly thought I was 25-30!)

I was pregnant and suffered a loss (TFMR not at an early stage). I’ve been deep in grief and therapy and just surviving. I feel shallow to now say this but I’ve realised I’ve aged, quickly and very, very badly. I look about 55 no exaggerating. I think it’s a combination of shock, weeks and weeks of crying, I’ve lost too much weight (2 stone and I was an 8-10 anyway). It’s making me feel horrible and depressed. My hair has gone grey too and I didn’t have any greys a year ago.

We want to ttc again so I don’t think I can have Botox. My skin is extremely sensitive and prone to eczema so not sure if there are any gentle anti aging products.

Can anyone advise me what might help now ? It’s more that I don’t feel myself or recognise my own face in the mirror anymore than being vain and I appreciate this shouldn’t be my main concern after what happened but I feel there isn’t much of the old happy me left anymore and it’s upsetting me a lot .

@FifteenYearsInone what you've been through sounds horrendous, I'm very sorry reading your post.

I've started using the serum and moisturiser from this tiny brand https://www.baseskncare.co.uk/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21009603071&gclid=CjwKCAjw687NBhB4EiwAQ645dh_wGSWvBN4vt6EYnMUJnTMbaRRm4HEzI7e1HlcmyRZylGXDHrGvwxoCYjwQAvD_BwE

I also use Dermalogica cleanser and rice microfoliant.

My skin is extremely sensitive and I have had no issues at all, when previously I have reacted to everything and anything.

I went through IVF and felt that I looked haggered. My skin is much healthier and even a bit glowy now.

I also found a new hairdresser who cuts my hair so nicely and really gets the shape right. This has made a world of difference.

I'm very sorry again. I hope the above suggestions help a bit and give you some ideas.

I’d get a good haircut, I’ve never actually dyed my hair, but maybe that’s something you’d entertain.
Have your eyebrows threaded and maybe tinted if you want?
Have your eyelashes lifted and tinted, it looks like you’re wearing mascara even if you don’t.

That glow we’re after, I found it in Charlotte Tilbury products. She has a bronzing moisturiser, unisex, that makes me look less haggard. I’ll sell a kidney the day I can’t pay for her Magic Cream. I also use her beauty wands, they’re making me look glowy and healthy. Blusher from Collection 2000, a £3 one, it’s a cream, love it. I’m being told every day how well I look, and I laugh and tell them: it’s war paint!!!

The other thing that might help is good quality fabrics. Take yourself to Cos and grab a couple of boxy T-shirts, a chunky cashmere jumper and a pair of corduroys; soft socks, and a Diptique rose solid perfume, some l’occitane hand cream, a suede bag from Free People, a tin of tea bags (ever tried jasmine tea?), a sleep mask, a colouring book (I’m into watercolour lately, so good for headspace). Get a house plant or two.

These are all things I’ve done post traumatic stress.
Big hug.

I aged heavily in the face at 38, during a difficult period. I think we all noticeably age around about 40 anyway, so a part of it may be that, but it sounds like you need a lot of self care.
Do the serums and stuff if you want, but I'd say your main focus should be sufficient nutritious and varied food, lots of water, and try to find ways to laugh or at least gain a feeling of balance.
I've had a late loss too, and eating seems pointless afterwards. But it sounds like you really need to nourish your body from the inside out.
Skin does spring back to some extent from rapid weight loss, so you can either wait it out, or gain a little weight if appropriate for you.

Yes I think I almost forgot to eat at first? Then 2 month after the TFMR my jaw seized up through anxiety and I had to blend things to try and make smoothies as couldn’t eat. I think the weight loss plus also I cried and cried for so long rubbed my eyes repeatedly and my skin got dehydrated and now I have awful hollows under my eyes but also this baggy crepey wrinkly skin directly under the hollow at the top of my cheek horizontally and it looks dreadful. I don’t think I looked in a mirror for ages then when I did I got such a shock

Sorry for your loss OP. I would recommend Caudalie’s Vinoperfect range. I’ve just checked their FAQ and it’s not one of the ranges they say to avoid if TTC.

Be really gentle with yourself

Maybe get a facial and follow it up with a LED light mask to use on a regular basis. I've got the one recommended by Sali Hughes here

Also a good haircut and colour. Try to eat and drink well. Sleep (a silk sleep mask with inbuilt headphones so you can listen to music/books/noises from nature, whatever helps you sleep - muiscozy on Amazon are good and reasonable).

❤️

Hi OP. I'm so sorry for your loss. For gentle skincare with eczema-prone skin, focus on barrier repair with fragrance-free products. Ingredient-wise, look for ceramides, niacinamide, and panthenol which will help calm inflammation and support your skin without irritation, and a rich moisturizer with squalane or colloidal oatmeal at night. Skip actives like retinoids or acids for now since you want to TTC and your skin is too compromised. You can just focus on gentle hydration and protection with SPF during the day. Hope this helps.

So sorry for your loss

Make sure to eat plenty of nourishing foods, rest lots, get outside, and drink a lot of water

❤️