How to dress

[monkeymamma]

Love S&B threads and the general vibe on here! However I have noticed that people often tell the OP (who is, say, struggling to feel smart or nice) that they should go to a personal shopper/stylist in department store or look online at influencers etc.

My question is really whether that’s the level of ‘put together’ that people are after? For me, they’re all quite a lot more formal and dressed up than I’d realistically be able to stick to in real life.

What I’d love is a cheat code to looking ‘pretty much acceptable’ and following my own vague style, without a massive palaver or big expenditure. Does that make sense?

Partly I wonder if this is just me, as I wfh so only need to look ‘smart’ a few times a year! But I fall back onto comfy favourites (joggers, fleece etc) and then panic if I have a low level leaving-the-house situation (like parents evening or going into town) because I feel gross and scruffy but if I switched up to the sort of thing that instagram stylists wear people would wonder what on earth was going on with me!

So I guess what I’m saying is, what realistic/low level tips to people have for being just a bit funkier and nicer in everyday life, or, if you don’t have to leave the house much, what do you wear all day?

Have you seen any “ looks” you like? Try flicking through the websites of brands in your budget! My options are pretty easy because I’m big into heavy metal so there’s are certain looks within that lifestyle.

Do you live in the city or countryside? What type of circles do you mix in? What do you do when out and about? What’s your budget?

I think first, get rid of the fleeces. There are a lot of smart but casual tops that you can pair with jeans or trousers and a jacket. Baukjen is great for casual tops.

https://www.baukjen.com/products/ivy-organic-rib-zip-collar-top-light-khaki

Another casual top from Baukjen.

https://www.baukjen.com/products/noa-short-sleeve-blouse-classic-navy?variant=55910694486397

I'd upgrade your everyday WFH uniform a bit. Instead of joggers and a fleece wear pull on elasticated waist wide leg trousers in a heavy jearsy or light and floaty palazzo pants depending on the time of year. Both just as comfy as joggers. What do you want to spend? I know this is S&B, but TU has some great cheap as chips options!

Wear a cotton or wool knit jumper in winter (merino wool or cashmere blend from vinted for affordability, and non itchy as jumpers go!) or a cotton top in summer. When you need to go out, add accessories eg a necklace or two, earrings, scarf, sunglasses etc. Tuck your top in a bit and put on a coat/blazer/jacket.

I follow Melissa Murrell & her bank of stylists plus Invest in style and Amanda Wakeley/jo Elvin on Youtube ( more pricey) & they all recomend mostly very easy accessible clothes for everyday wear.
Theres quite often some Mint Velvet & Me & Em items included but there are always cheaper alternatives suggested.

What are you good at?

If you break down a person’s appearance into five elements: hair, skin, jewellery, clothes, footwear - and give them half an hour between slobbing about in fleece and joggers and giving a speech at their child’s school prize day … The person who’s already on top of just a couple of those elements can probably leave the house on time, with ease. The person who has let every element slip from their grasp will be running around the house panicking and sweating.

Other people only notice what’s noticeable about you. If you have fantastic hair and gorgeous jewellery they won’t remember your clothes. If you have glowing skin and a flawless t shirt and jeans no one will remember your hair.

What do you already make an effort with?

"but if I switched ... people would wonder what on earth was going on with me!"

I think this is your problem @monkeymamma, or at least I recognise it as a hurdle I had to get over myself. When I was a teen/early 20s, I wore what I wanted to. I moved a lot and didn't have a tribe that I needed acceptabce from. Then from mid 20s to mid 40s I ran with a specific set, in a particular field, and I just went all drab. I've since found my way again, but I had to get over the fear of what others would think of me. Every day now my clothes get a comment, I've had to get used to the idea that I'm being noticed, but I've found my love of clothes again by embracing what appeals to me. So, what appeals to you op?

I think it differs for everyone but made an effort to overhaul my wardrobe a couple of years ago and feel so much better for it. I threw away all of my fleeces for one thing!

I mostly live in very comfortable clothes from Uniqlo as my go-to look for day to day. I have various colours of their easy trousers and smart wide legged joggers which are just as comfortable as the leggings I previously lived in as they have elasticated waists. Their basic t shirts and 3D knit jumpers are staples in my wardrobe. I just bought three more v neck linen t shirts and some linen blend easy trousers from there yesterday for summer! Obviously I shop at other places too but I've found Uniqlo great for basics that I can have in various colours and mix and match.

Other than that I've found keeping my hair clean and tidy, a simple skincare routine and very basic light make-up daily has made a difference. Just a vitamin C serum and SPF in the morning followed by tinted moisturiser, cream blush and mascara and lip balm is all I need to set me up for the day.

I also wear jewellery permanently. I have a couple of simple chain necklaces and bracelets and various stud earrings that I wear constantly whether I'm asleep, in the shower or out and about. It makes me feel instantly put together and I just swap them round once a week to ring the changes. A friend once commented that I always look put together as I've made an effort with my jewellery and I had to tell her it's no effort at all as I never take it off! 🤣

For what it’s worth, I found a John Lewis personal stylist very helpful at getting me to me but less scruffy. She was very clear that if I didn’t both love something and see it being wearable in my day to day, then I should not buy it. I’ve pretty much lived in the clothes she picked out. The trousers I’m wearing right now are just as comfortable as joggers, wash just as well, and look a million times smarter. If the stylist is upselling you a fantasy lifestyle look then they unit doing their job.

(Chelmsford, if anyone is looking)

I often see it mentioned that if you have a really good haircut it makes a lot of difference (confidence as well as appearance). I only get mine cut about every 8mths for various reasons & I’m noticing more & more especially the older I get that this advice is very true. I have a very casual lifestyle but have upped my game in the quality of the clothes I wear, they feel & fit better so I do too. I follow a few influencers on insta, the ones Cantonet mentioned earlier are great, a few others that are a bit more out there & I have actually tried to add a few bolder things like a pop of colour or print

No return of @monkeymamma?