Suggestions for scruffy husband!

[AbitSceptical]

DH is 49 and has a corporate type job. He manages to look ok ish for work but at home he’s a bit of a mess. Think thin, faded 20 year old T shirts and chinos a size too small. He’s so much more handsome when he makes a bit of effort.
Any ideas how I can help him? Where to shop?

I like Hush, Mint Velvet, Zara, Uniqlo, Abercrombie jeans, sometime bits from Mango, John Lewis, and the brands at Next. For me.

What are the equivalent for men? How do I stop him buying everything a size too small?!

Has he asked for your help or is he comfortable as he is?

At least half of those shops do menswear. Whether you can or should try to get him to change is a can of worms IMO, but you will know best how he would react.

My DP is scruffy and generally refuses to go shopping. The best I’ve been able to do as a compromise is to get him a couple of pairs of jeans and some soft checked shirts plus a couple of jumpers. Then in the summer, the best he’ll tolerate is chino shorts and a short sleeved white or patterned linen shirt. Most of these are from Marks. He’s got a pair of grey flannel trousers and a pale pink shirt and tie for if he has to go to a wedding. Other than that, I’ve learned to leave him to it!

As for buying too small, buy him a larger size and hopefully he’ll notice how much more comfortable it is.

I found that gifts were the most effective. Maybe start small with some new t-shirts and a (larger) pair of chinos. If the general idea is ok, they're just worn out, maybe go for similar styles.

But be warned: he may be tempted to save these for best so you may have to work at convincing him to wear them. Especially if he's just doing DIY or gardening on the weekends.

DH liked clothes and looking smart well enough but he wasn't sufficiently interested to invest any time. So I or the DCs gave him clothing regularly which he appreciated b/c he didn't have to think about it..

When we were first together, he liked for me to go shopping with him and give (tactful) opinions.

Aha, here’s where John Lewis personal shoppers are your friend! My DH was like this a few years ago so I booked him an appointment, got his parents to look after the kids and made a day of it! He loved the attention, got a new wardrobe and has continued to use their advice!

I would not be happy if my dh decided I needed to be less scruffy. He would be swiftly placed into the bin.

God I’d say to him ‘why on earth are you wearing your clothes a size too small?’ followed with ‘you need to buy new t shirts. Why are you wearing decades old clothes?’

But then, I wouldn’t feel the need to tread softly with my husband on this sort of matter. Just tell him straight

@Barrellturn even if your clothes were a size too small and were 2 decades old?

im torn because my husabnd is incredibly scruffy too and it does biter me own there are holes in things

My DP wouldn’t go anywhere near a personal shopper!

I used to buy stuff as gifts but we don’t bother with birthday or Christmas presents now. I keep my eyes open for decent stuff in charity shops, as he does like a bargain!

Have you posted this before? I remember a similar OP a few weeks ago.

Really? Years ago I was very stressed and comfort eating so started to gain weight very suddenly. At some point, my then boyfriend took a long look at me and said “Cat, I didn’t sign for this…”

He was right, as much as I loved him I know I would have lost the attraction if he started smelling or getting too fat, so I paid more attention to what I ate and started losing weight.

The important thing here is that I did it for ME not for him, I had started letting myself go and had not noticed. It was the right wake up call.

I know this is S & B, but I find scruffy men really manly! I love the ‘just stepped off a board’ look!
sorry OP, no help whatsoever

Start sneaking his old t shirts out of the laundry and into a bag to go to the local charity shops.
Feign ignorance as their whereabouts.

I go overboard on the praise for the stuff that’s new / fits and then do suggest when something might be getting too ratty or too small that he could do with a new one of those.

I tend to go with ‘oh yes that looks much more
comforable than xyz shirt, it fits really well!”

same as mine! but I dont buy him things really now - I gave up

Massimo Dutti and Octobre Editions are lovely. My DP gets most of his stuff there (or I get it for him because he’s outsourced his clothes shopping to me!).

My dh has a really scruffy pair of trainers. I bought him the same ones new as a present. He still wears the old ones as apparently they aren't worn out yet. And he doesn't want to ruin the new ones. On the plus side, he doesn't object to me buying myself stuff.

Yes. My DP also replaces dead stuff with exact replacements where possible.

I wouldn’t want him to be a peacock but I do wish he’d take a tiny bit of interest!

There is a world of difference between not wearing mint velvet and having hygiene and health problems. If I want to wear joggers I don't want my dh making comments about why I'm not wearing a pencil skirt.

This is a great idea. He does like looking good, he’s just struggling with brain overload and it’s easier to ignore. But making a day of it would probably appeal to him. And the stylist is bound to be more knowledgeable than me 😂

No. Maybe just maybe there is more than one scruffy chap out there! 😁

Yes that’s pretty much what I’m doing now. But he really needs to go shopping to replace some of the old / worn out / small items. He’s a handsome man and deserves to look and feel better. It’s just finding the time / knowing where to go.

Ha ha I so relate to this. Once, one of his Dad mates commented to him how smelly his shoes were and he did replace them.