September Wedding Guest

[OneNewEagle]

I could do with some help please. I have been looking at clothes on websites since Christmas and I have not seen anything OK at all.

As title says I have been invited to my nieces wedding at the end of September.
I want to feel sophisticated and beautiful without actually being those things, comfortable would do.

I’m in my 50s, 5ft 4, I used to take regular but nowadays always seems too long. I am an 18 tops 12-14 bottoms, but returned an 18 marks top today as far too tight.

I have blue eyes, was fair now grey curly hair. I have had a lot of health problems so I usually live in leggings, tunics, jeans, tops mainly in black. And dresses or shorts and vests in the summer, usually more colourful. I like and own clothes that are reds, deep burgundy, purple, light blue, orange so I don’t mind colour. Navy does not suit me at all.

I had a huge blitz on my wardrobe last year and gave away all my smarter clothes, well gave away my wardrobe really. Anything I had not worn in the year before, apart from funeral emergency style clothes, has gone and I feel so much better without it all. All my clothes now fit properly in my wardrobe and are all easy to wear. I am completely starting from scratch with this outfit as I had no idea I would get an invite to any family stuff ever again.

I don’t want anything that makes me too hot, feels scratchy or digs in (nd and menopause). I also have a disability so can only wear very comfortable flats, if I’m bad I will have a noticeably limp and need to sit which I’m really really conscious of. Clothes that dig in will add to the pain. Whatever I buy I want to be able to wear again, as it’s September I presume in the following spring and summer. The September timing has completely thrown me as I don’t know what to wear then?

And the extra but that’s not helping me is that I’m estranged from my family so this is at the front of my mind. I’m always the one looked down upon, gossiped about and so on so I want to feel comfortable in my own skin , blend into the background and avoid all the negative vibes aimed at me. Just be able to be me and sit quietly and enjoy my nieces very special day.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. As for budget I’d prefer to spend £100 on dress (doesn’t have to be a dress I’m open to anything) but looking at prices I think £200 - £300 is more likely. Plus footwear approx £100. I can only afford that if it’s all clothes I can wear again.

Marks have a few satin slip skirts.

Thank you yes that’s why I struggle as I find it hard to find lovely skirts. And most are nearly always navy. Those are all lovely especially the navy one. If I had to I guess I could have navy skirt red top shoes and bag as red looks ok. T something to consider.

some dresses do work fine for me even though I’m two different sizes it just depend on style. Today I’m wearing a tunic style dress with pockets which is fine. It’s when it’s a dress for a special occasion that I struggle. As well as this I’m trying to find a non bridal style wedding dress for myself, something really stunning but no luck with that either.

Thank you, there’s some stunning dresses on there. One I love as beautiful pattern but it’s strappy. I was even telling myself ok you can’t wear that as you can’t wear a supportive bra but it’s so pretty you could wear it in the garden 🤣 that’s how I ended up with a wardrobe of clothes I got rid of. As really loved them but not the correct style for my body shape.

The black one is more my sort of style I like that one. Not a range I have ever tried . I will investigate further.

As for navy clothes anything i ever like seems to be navy. If it would just suit me I’d be ok. I’ve had a few navy things over the years if it’s a navy background with lots of other colours on top as the other colours lift it for me.

My sister is a much smaller build 10-12 and always has lovely smart dresses for special occasions, I like all of hers….but nearly always navy as she looks beautiful in it.

Thank you that’s exactly it . I need exactly the type of dress you are describing. I can’t cope with anything digging in around my middle. All my lovely skirts that were side zipped had to go a decade ago as the pain from them went straight into my scarring.

max of £300 for the dress or skirt combo. Jacket or cover up I’m unsure about as as it’s September no idea what I would need. But yes extra for that. Then smart flats and a bag. I do have quite a bit of jewellery so I’m hoping I’d have something appropriate.

I wear glasses so I tend to not go too ott with jewellery and had thought if I had my curly hair loose I could just put a flower clip on one side for a different look. I’m quite alternative so for example my engagement ring is beautiful coloured wood rather than a diamond.

I love boho style stuff but it’s nearly always too long for me unfortunately. I’ll try it on and then be gutted I’m not tall enough, I love embroidery especially flower nature designs. I’m quite arty, used to work in that field, so bold prints as well. Retro or boho styles I own clothes from both that I mix with plainer stuff on normal days.

I think I’m trying to find something I love without it being what I normally pick. My normal taste is too alternative. Sounds so silly but as I’m estranged there will be people there who I don’t want to comment on my clothing. For example last year a big group of them attended another family wedding, I was not invited which is normal. I’ve since been shown photos to show me what a lovely day my aunt had and I know those cousins and wife’s of cousins and the adult nieces all had a lovely day out together outfit shopping. some of them had some great Hobbs dresses on. One was the lovely green floral design from last year, I’d noticed it that season as I loved the pattern. But as that’s how they shop I’m unlikely to buy from there. It’s like a clique so if I was to wear anything similar I’d have them all being rude to me.

The reason it’s made me worried about what I will wear is that about ten years ago I had a nasty comment about what I was wearing at a wedding from my normally polite cousin. I always give people compliments or if not you don’t say something nasty, well in reality I always give compliments and not even think negative stuff as that’s not me. That particular wedding was dreadful in all aspects. it was one where I stayed over for the weekend so I was at the whole thing so had had a dress on and slight blocked heels for the day. I couldn’t take the pain anymore, as I had expected, so by the evening i went to my room and changed into a lovely long linen skirt with a pretty flower design and a looser top with some flat shoes. I was so much comfier I wished I had worn that style all day, I also thought I looked fine. That’s when the others arrived for the evening and I got an awful stinging comment from my cousin. I think I’ve been negative about my appearance ever since to be truthful especially as I’m bigger than all of them. It really did hurt my feelings and I lost all my confidence.

this is why i am so worried.

That's lovely.

I think it could work with a little jacket, Mary Janes and a coloured or straw type bag.

That was the next place I'd thought of suggesting, if the OP liked a hippyish vibe! Most quite a bit too hippyish for a wedding I think - but there are a couple of things that might suit?

This has an elasticated waist and a glorious imo print! https://www.plumo.com/products/auricula-skirt?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=19966795420&gbraid=0AAAAADltM05pVudilFo8q2cXM6Q5hSkTL&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI1byp9fLTkgMVwZJQBh0gJA6iEAQYAyABEgL7B_D_BwE

Phase 8 elasticated waist
https://www.phase-eight.com/product/petite-edie-skirt-10014880050.html

That's gorgeous. It reminds me Dutch flower paintings.

If it's of any help keep in mind even if you had been badly dressed (and from your description you weren't) anyone who spoke to you in that way has no taste or style.

If it helps, I'm very confident about how I dress. I think there have been some great suggestions on here and your positive reaction to them says to me you have a good eye.

I’m looking at each link one at a time thank you in my lunch hour, so kind everyone.

Ps everyone got to go for now out of time but I will wear black to anything thank you, my favourite colour!Wore a beautiful a line black gown with heels years ago for similar, the best I’ve ever looked. Even look ok in the photo :))))

Funny really as whenever we have funerals in the family we were colour so to my grandmas I wore a red skirt suit.

only colours that are out for me is navy and all white cream as I assume the bride will be wearing that.

I feel your pain. I'm always on tenterhooks at big family gatherings ... My family are thoughtless/tactless rather than deliberately unkind, but don't know when to keep critical comments to themselves!!!

So - comfort & easy glamour via lovely fabric textures & beautiful prints are, I think, the way to go?

And if you're spending a large amount of money (compared to usual) then I think having things you can mix & match & wear again afterwards is really important.

You will get pleasure from your new clothes, rather than having something hanging in your wardrobe forever that you look at guiltily ...!

My son was married in September and I found finding something to wear was a nightmare. I live in leggings and jeans for the most part. In the end I wore a burgundy velour jumpsuit (I ended up attaching a very narrow strip of ribbon to the zip up the back to help me pull it up and down wetsuit style and tucked it down the back of my neck when not using it) and a sequinned navy cardigan. I was comfortable and could get away with flat shoes.

Etsy is worth a look for interesting skirts and with lots of colour choice to match whatever top you choose. Search for circle skirts and filter by country and there are plenty of options. A heavy linen one would look smart.

Agree, @RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie & @PhaedraWas , it's lovely, as are the variants in dresses & jackets - & I like the mustard colourway too.

I'm pretty sure it's by One Hundred Stars (Plümo aren't very good at listing brands), & is indeed based on Dutch Old Masters paintings. Not sure if it's a blow-up of one or an amalgam of several, but it's very pretty!

Hi again @OneNewEagle - a few more questions!

1. You said that black is your favourite colour & you feel good in it - but that no other colours are out bar white/cream, & navy.

Are there any other particular colours that make you feel really good, you think suit you & lift your spirits (rather than you feel merely ok in)? Do you know what "season" you are, broadly? (I don't think that sort of thing is a rule, but it can be helpful.)

(By colours I don't mean just green/red/orange etc - I mean the specific shades, ie emerald/jade green vs khaki, or soft/rich coral vs bright orange, or warm rusty-reds vs cool cherry red, etc etc? Same for yellow/blue/purple & shades thereof.)

2. So you like embroidery/florals/bold prints/boho etc. If you had a look that you were aiming for, would quirkily glamorous slightly hippy art teacher, who likes holidaying in India & Ibiza, be it ...??

3. Did anything at all out of what's been posted so far really catch your eye (plus also seem suitable, ie not the skirts with fitted waists, lovely though they are)??

I'm asking all this as I sense your concern about this wedding & totally empathise!

What matters (I think) is that:

• you're wearing something that's YOU (& ideally not from somewhere where your relatives might shop?!);
• you feel comfortable & not constrained/restricted in any way; &
• it's simply a really nice outfit that is versatile enough that you can wear again on a fairly regular basis?

Sorry for the grilling! Just trying to get more of a feel to make sure I'm vaguely on the right track before I suggest anything else!

Thanks for all the help so far I am reading it all in stages. I’m actually going to use the advice so far to try to find myself a wedding dress. As I’m looking for that as well.

As for the wedding in question yes I’m really apprehensive about it all, some of the same siblings have been awful to me recently and arranged a family celebration for a special birthday and I’m not included.

For the wedding I was told with a note in with my Christmas card but I’ve been sent a sm message update tonight. the wedding is actually September 2027. It’s still possible I’m not going to get an invite as my mum said something nasty along those lines. At least I have longer to find an outfit!

Yes to the last three exactly what I need. If I wear something like other guests I will be spoken to rudely, so I Dan at least go by what I know that bunch normally wear and avoid. I want it to be something i like and can wear again. And yes not Restrictive the pain is in my legs always but scarring around my middle so if things start rubbing there it adds to the pain and there’s limits to what I can cope with.

and arty hippy teacher is in line with the sorts of things I normally wear. I used to work in the art industry so love print, patterns and colour. I just normally live in black tops and leggings or jeans and a top. I also like quirky things, I’m probably a little eccentric.

Thank you I normally wear their shorter dresses the tunic ones jumpers or tops. I’ve got a couple of their skirts and far too long on me.

Lovely thank you but will be commented on about me not wearing appropriate stuff. Honestly if none of the other guests were going I’d be fine 🤣

I think Septembers hard as it can still be very warm. I don’t think I can still wear summery pastels though either. I’ll find something eventually!

I’m shorter than you and have a few Fatface midi dresses that are not too long, so if you like anything, it’s worth giving them a try. They could also be shortened if it won’t spoil any pattern.

I think a PP made an excellent point though. It sounds like you will never quite get it ‘right’ in the eyes of some of these people, so it’s more important that you find something that makes YOU feel right and if it’s something that goes on to be worn a lot, then even better because you’ll have something to brighten an ordinary day occasionally too!