What to wear … Cocktail party

[KoalaBlue1]

Hi.
we have been invited to a 50th birthday party, and the invitation says
”Wear your Finest Cocktail attire”
I have no idea what is expected.

I am 60 plus, And don’t think it should be necessary to go out and buy something fancy. Will never wear it again.
And hubby, would he be expected to wear a suit?
We dont get out much. I think we are more ‘smart casual’ type of people.

Cocktail is one up from Smart Casual!

Doesn't have to be fancy - I think trousers and a jazzy top would be fine, and a normal lounge/business suit for your husband.

Yes, it would be a suit for DH, but don’t go out and buy one specially. Trousers and shirt/tie will do if not.
For you I’d be looking at something with a bit of sparkle, dress or top.

What has being 60 plus to do with not buying or owning fancy cocktail attire?

You do sound a bit rattled!

Do not buy anything ‘with a bit of sparkle’.

Do you not own a white cotton or ivory silk shirt? And one pair of very well cut dark (not necessarily black) trousers? And some beautiful flat leather shoes? That’s all you really need. Plus a well groomed head and, if possible, knockout jewellery.

I’m older than you. And like a quiet life. But I’d be horribly depressed if someone told me I would never, ever have occasion to get dressed up in the next thirty or forty years …

Have a look in charity shops in a posh town or on vinted for a bargain.

Have a look on vinted, if you do change your mind. Bit if the dress code is too much for you both then politely decline.

Plain black trousers and black blouse would also be fine if you aren’t a colours person. Generally cocktail attire is plain or perhaps a little sparkle but not patterned. Lounge suit or trousers and a jacket for men. If he doesn’t have a suit or jacket, trousers, shirt and tie

@KoalaBlue1 - my experience of being in my sixties is that other people are holding ‘big’ birthday parties and retirement parties. And there are funerals to attend. I do think it might be wise for both you and your husband to invest (whether from charity shops or pre-owned sites or mainstream shops) in at least one set of smart clothes each. A dark suit for him, and something versatile for you - whether an easy to wear black dress, or a shirt and trousers / skirt that can be celebratory or sombre as required.

(Because, forgive me, it’s not dignified to be stamping your foot at every invitation because you’ve refused to own the right clothes.)

Pretty much any mainstream shop will supply you with good plain clothes - look for silk, cotton, or lightweight wool - in non-garish colours. Add a pair of black leather shoes or smart boots. You don’t have to wear make up or jewellery - but just one thing, lipstick or a bracelet, say, can mark the difference between everyday and dressed up.

Too late to edit above. Meant to say (repeating that I am at least your age if not older), I currently like:

Margaret Howell
Rohe

which are both expensive. But

& Other Stories
Cos

have equally good design, just with less luxe fabrics.

All four are worth careful browsing even if you have no intention of buying. Pretty much any two pieces could be put together with a fine pair of shoes to make a grand outfit.

It’s not necessary to buy something you’ll never wear again at any age! What sort of things do you like to wear in general? It will be easier to suggest things if you give us an idea of what sort of style you most like.

The dress code means no jeans, trainers and joggers but you don't go as far as a ballgown.

What people actually wear will vary. Some women will wear dresses/jumpsuits/ trousers which are definitely evening wear. I'm in that category and my husband would wear a dark suit, cufflinks and tie, but would probably check that host wasn't expecting black tie. If they were, then he'd wear black tie.

Others will make less of an effort and just wear smart to varying degrees - some to the degree that they will appear to have made no effort at all.

It's up to you to decide if you want to make no effort at all and whether (a) it will bother you if you stand out and (b) will it bother the host if you make no effort.

"Wear your Finest Cocktail attire” to me reads as if host is expecting a bit more effort than some of the suggestions here of plain black trousers and shirt. Whether you ignore that depends on a and b above. If I were the host, how I feel about would come down to my feelings about you. Are you someone I would want there regardless or are you someone who makes me think you are being judgemental about my asking for guests to be dressy?

Slightly depends on the quality of the shirt and trousers, @PhaedraWas!

Anyway, this sort of shoe, at any price point, would dress up any plain, versatile outfit:

https://penelopechilvers.com/products/low-mary-jane-diamante-velvet-shoe-black

To me a cocktail dress is something elegant - not sparkly or loud. So a little black dress, or similr, for you and definitely a suit for your husband.

Have fun!

I mean it really wouldn’t.

I agree, the op can pick something up on vinted, no one is going to chuck her out for wearing a little black dress, not sure her husbands got a suit though.

however the tone of the op reads like she’s pissed about the dress code and feels how she likes to dress should be what dictates the dress code. Not what the host wants, and many people. Love an opportunity To get dressed up and make an effort,

I don't get the impression from the OP's single post that she'll pick something like e. g Serena Bute black trousers and shirts.

serenabutelondon.com/collections/all-trousers-1

It really depends on the venue/context.

In my life, this would mean forcing DP into a pair of chinos with a shirt and tie and brogues, which is the smartest he ever goes. And I have several dresses and pairs of shoes that would do, although I might be tempted to look for a new dress. I wouldn’t interpret that instruction as meaning black tie or traditional cocktail dresses and would assume it just means make an effort and don’t wear jeans or trainers.

Where do you usually shop? Do you actually want some ideas posting?

Cocktail attire is a suit & tie for men, and a fancy frock, elegant trouser suit, even a much loved MN jumpsuit for women, as well as great separates. Formal, not formal formal, so no floor length ball gown, no elbow length gloves, but properly smart with an emphasis on sophisticated, but also fun and party leaning - good jewellery, make-up, and if you can be bothered, a 'hair do'

OP, if you don't want to buy, what about hiring something, either from an online source or else a local dress shop.

With the invitation as stated I’d feel supremely comfortable in this outfit:

https://roheframes.com/en-uk/products/high-waist-turn-up-trousers-black

Which would have been a slightly elevated version of my work wear - as most of the cocktail parties I’ve attended have been on weekdays, straight after work.

This would be at the less formal end:

https://www.cos.com/en-gb/women/womenswear/tops/longsleevetops/product/asymmetric-cotton-blouse-navy-1318359001

And this at the more formal:

https://justinetabak.co.uk/products/the-nottingham-lace-dress

I guess for a weekend party one might want something rather more playful - but still very simple and chic.

I’m assuming that the OP wouldn’t be one to contemplate £500 on a pair of black trousers.

Thanks for replies.
i have been Mother of the Bride/Groom 3 times, so I do scrub up alright for special occasions.

Being plus size, and more mature, makes it harder I think.
I’m in Aus, so different options, I guess.
i had not thought of. A dressy pants suit, That might be worth looking at, something that could be worn again