Hair help please! 36 and still have no clue what I'm doing

[waitandfeed]

I feel like I never really like my hair, or that it's hard work or lots of effort, and I'd really just like some advice on how best to manage it really. Anything from hair cut, products I should use, anything at all really.

The first photo is how my hair dries naturally, and the second photo is me scrunching it and putting in product to encourage the curl. Whilst I think this looks lovely on day one, it ends up a tangled frizzy mess after day two (even with sleeping in a silk bonnet) My hair doesn't 'refresh' well like other curly hair, it's too fine so either ends up too heavy in product or too frizzy.

I only wash once a week and don't really want to increase this, sometimes I blow dry it straight and it lasts around 5 days. Don't know whether to just carry on with this, forget being curly and switch to more smoothing type products? I use curly girl friendly products but it always looks a bit dull, not shiny.

Do you think I should go shorter in length? Grow it longer?

This is also my natural colour and I'd like to keep this.

You have beautiful hair, but it would probably benefit from having more layers cut into it to give it more volume and to encourage the natural wave that you have in it. Have you ever had a fringe?

I agree with this advice and maybe try a fringe or a half fringe. Would you go shorter as a jaw length bob may look good.

This looks a bit like how my hair goes too only more wavy curly if I don’t comb it. I like it straight too.

I've never had a fringe, I always feel like it would be adding in even more work/maintenance! My hair is also very fine around my face and I worry a fringe would just be wispy and a bit rubbish.

I'm very tempted by the french bob type length

A French bob could look nice with a curved fringe. Maybe use some of the AI hairstyling apps to try different options?

Can you recommend any? I tried chatGPT and thought I looked great with a french bob until I realised it had also edited my face to be a lot nicer 🤣

your hair looks lovely as is

It's really lovely as it is and if you can get away with it looking like that and only washing and drying it every 5 days I'd leave well alone! My only suggestion would be some layers around your face to encourage the curl ,I disagree with suggestions of a fringe as that will be more maintenance.

I have similar hair to you, and my hairdresser point blank refuses to add a fringe to mine. He says the upkeep would drive me insane as it would stick up in odd directions and need curling every day.

What products do you use OP. I still use old fashioned mousse on mine (might be spelt wrong) and I find it doesn't get frizzy. I do tend to wash my hair every 3 days though.

Yours is similar to mine. Apparently that's a waves-not-curls thing that we can get that nice shape but it then goes a bit flat. My day 1 hair is always much wavier than my day 2 hair.
Based on my own hair I'd say get lots of layers and some shaping around the front. That way you're encouraging the curl, with the shorter hair, without losing the length if you don't want to. I'm still experimenting with curl products and mine really likes the Ouai curl cream at the moment. I like the Umberto Gianni range too but am seeing if there is anything that holds as well as their gel, without the crunchiness. The UG curl refresher spray is useful to have around. It's probably just the gel watered down but it's good to scrunch some curl back in on flat days.
You have lovely hair though and I'm insanely jealous that you only need to wash once a week!

Yess! Mind says the same/similar.

You are fortunate to have such lovely hair.
Try cutting it; you have the density for a bob to look great.

Worst that could happen is that you decide to let it grow out.

Just to mix things up, I do have a fringe with mine and it works well. But my hair grows forwards, which helps with fringes, and OPs looks like it doesn't. I've also had it for a hundred years so it's very well behaved 99% of the time!

Have you ever thought of going to a curl specialist salon so they can talk you through making the most of your curls? That way at least you would know how it looks when a professional washes and styles your hair. They can talk you through products. I know a lot of people don't get on with the curly girl method. There is a whole side of TikTok for hairdressers who deal with curls. They talk through everything they use and how to dry the hair.

My hair looks more wavy than yours if I leave it to dry naturally. Adding product and faffing around with it makes it look better but it takes so much time so I just end up drying it straight and every so often curling the ends with a curling wand. I know a curly hair specialist could make my hair look amazing but I have to wash my hair every 3 days so it would be too much faff. I agree a fringe would add to the faff for you.

Your hair is lovely in either style.

I have been to a curl specialist and she did get it really lovely and curly, but I was there nearly 4 hours and she spent ages on the styling! The curls did last around 5 days though compared to when I do it.

I have similar hair to you and in the past I had a tousled French bob with a fringe and it looked good but it still does take maintenance I’ve also been given some awful bobs in the past which have been more rounded than triangular. I think you need some weight in the bottom with this kind of hair or it goes wispy and frizzy. I have found it’s good to have a hairdresser with similar hair so they will understand what not to do with it.

DD has similar hair and she manages it by doing hair masks and oil treatments, avoiding heat where possible and then goes to bed with socks tied into it, essentially what my mum would have called ‘ragging’. I could not be bothered with any of this but it works for dd.

I am so jealous that you only need to wash it once a week. I need to do mine every other day.

I agree with getting more layers cut into it, a very layered cut would encourage your natural waves and then it's probably a case of experimenting with products to find the ones that suit you best.

Unfortunately I'm no help as I have very thick, wavy hair naturally but ended up getting keratin straightening treatments every six months and a blunt bob instead, so the total opposite.

Please consider keeping your hair long. I’ve always had weak fine hair that doesn’t actually grow much. I so enjoy seeing beautiful heads of hair like yours and I think you should consider your hair a major asset that’s very much “you”. I think a bob would be a loss.

My hair is about as wavy as yours naturally. I lost it all through chemo a couple of years ago so since then it's been various (short) lengths and varying curliness. There were points where I used products to bring out the curl, scrunch dried, didn't brush etc. when it was short and layered that worked well and I really liked it. But it would inevitably grow an inch longer and suddenly look very messy/curl the wrong way/make me look like a 90s teenage boy with curtains (to be fair, regrowing hair from scratch will always have some very painful interim periods).

Now it's finally grown longer I've settled on a shoulder length style with no layers and I straighten it rather than encouraging the curl. When I wash it I use frizz ease flawlessly straight shampoo, conditioner & 3 day straight spray then blow dry it. If I want it to look really glossy/have the time, I use hair straighteners.

I prefer styling it straight rather than wavy/curly, because I feel like the wavy look takes a lot more effort and still always ends up looking messy eventually. When my hair is straight it looks much neater and actually it's much quicker & easier to do now I've got the hang of it.

The big advantage of having wavy hair and a versatile cut is that you can do either! Straighten it when you feel like it, curl it when you feel like it, leave it to air dry when you can't be bothered. I think your hair looks great in both your photos and honestly, if I were you I wouldn't change it!

That is very kind, thank you

You’re hair is so like mine. I’d say keep it long, get some large heated rollers and stick them in dry hair for straightforward volume then use a bit of serum/finishing cream on the ends. I try to do the scrunch thing but it feels messy to me - I want to like it but don’t think it suits me.

Thank you for sharing this, it does sound like we have very similar hair so it's interesting to hear about it in varying stages of length. I think you're right that it's best to keep the options of wavy or straight. I haven't tried the 3 day straight spray, I will definitely look at this.

As you say, sometimes you just need the ease of straighter hair, although it feels a bit backwards that it's easier when not left to dry naturally!

I think I find the scrunch thing just so inconsistent. Sometimes it works really well and others it comes out awful, by which time it has dried and the only option is to rewash it which I can never be bothered with!