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Feel very low about my appearance

2 replies

cutebrowneyes · 05/02/2026 15:29

I'm 47 and look like utter shite which is compounded by the fact that I am knackered and, I think, having some kind of autoimmune flare up and have had a virus pretty much since Christmas. I feel constantly stiff and sore which makes everything seem hard work.

My eyes are very dry despite using eyedrops in the morning. My skin is also dry but I have breakouts on my chin. This is because I could actually grow a beard if I left it to it's own devices so I took the plunge and started electrolysis after Christmas. However, even the technician took pity on me and said that because of the volume it would take a long time so she's interspersing with laser in the hope that it will get rid of the darker ones and she can then get the white ones. In the meantime, I have very deep follicles which makes me prone to ingrowing hairs. It's a real joy.

I am also hairy all over my body - I went for a leg wax once and the woman said "wow" I've never seen hair like this before, it's like a mans. This was a different place to the one I went to have my nails done where the technician exclaimed that I have nails like plates. I play sport so my nails need to be short but I don't do anything with them other than file them because my hands are huge and it looks ridiculous. I also don't wear any jewelry at all. I used to wear my wedding and engagement rings but broke my ring finger and now can't fit them on any other fingers. I often can't find rings or bracelets to fit as my fingers/hand are too big to get them on.

I am a healthy weight and BMI but I generally look bigger than all my peers who are more overweight than me. I have a big frame with broad shoulders and narrow hips. However, now I'm menopausal the weight sits on the top of my waist so I essentially look like a brick. I go to the gym at least three times a week and play sport twice a week but I just look big and whereas I used to wear tighter fitting clothes I can't really anymore because, despite the exercise, I still have bulges and look a bit like a sausage.

My diet isn't always great. I try to avoid processed foods but I often have to eat on the run. I also have very little real appetite so will eat shite when I'm hungry because I don't fancy anything and I'm too knackered to be bothered to prepare anything. I take Vit D & B, magnesium, collagen and am on HRT. I drink plenty of water.

The hair on my head is like a wild bush. Apparently I have two different types of hair. The hair underneath is very think and frizzy. The hair on top is finer. Basically it makes for a mess. I am very fair skinned but not in a nice way, more a pale yet ruddy type of complexion. I use Dr Jarts colour corrector to take the redness out but it doesn't make a great difference.

I don't tan in the sun but I am also allergic to the cold (specifically cold water) which causes me to swell and my skin go bright red. Thus I can no longer go cold water swimming or even swim in the sea on holiday if it's cold. My body is so pale it is grey.

Basically, I look awful and it feels like, unless I spend a lot of time and money on my appearance I am destined to continue to look awful.

Apologies for the pity party, I'm just so tired today. I want to feel and look better.

OP posts:
dizzydizzydizzy · 05/02/2026 16:07

Awww, you poor thing, OP. You sound really fed up.

First things first, have you been to tbe doctor about your dry eyes? If not, please ask for some advice. It sounds also like you have hirsuitism and is obviously getting you down, so please ask about that too.

Regarding you frame and sports, we all have different body types and different types are good for different sports - so a broad shouldered narrow hipped woman would likely be good at swimming, tennis, climbobor throwing or kayaking.... to name a few. Would it help to think about how your body shape makes you good at things? Or could be an advantage?

Regarding the BMI - you say it is healthy so that is a good sign. Also the fact that you do sport is a good sign. It sounds like you think you are not toned. Can you go on a scale that tells you how much body fat and lean mass you have? If it's not good, time for some gym work and a change in diet. Obviously your ratio of fat to lean mass could well be perfectly good and it could be that you are looking in a mirror and your brain is telling you that you are flabby when you are not.

Make sure you hydrate properly. Get enough protein and veggies.

If you smoke, try to stop.

Do you drink? Do you need to cut down?

What about your sleep? How is it?

Hope some of this gives you food for thought.

cutebrowneyes · 05/02/2026 17:41

Thank you for your response. You are right that I am just fed up. I'm so tired and just feel like it's all such an effort but also that it doesn't make much difference anyway so what's the point, especially as I age.

I've not been to the gp but the optician advised the eye drops. I don't think i have hirsuitism but I do think I must be very androgen sensitive as I also put muscle on very easily. I have a high muscle mass but I'm not lean which has become more apparent with age - if you were to hug me I would feel hard but the fat that I have sits in pockets so it doesn't look nice. For instance, if I wore a tight cotton top I would look like I have bulges from my bra and my love handles but I'm not fat per se it's just that any fat sits on top of my muscle. I can get leaner but I have to really restrict my diet which is also miserable. I always look massive in photos because I'm broad.

I don't smoke and drink a little on weekends but not loads. Diet definitely needs improvement in that I'm inconsistent.

I still play sport but it's quite high impact and I increasingly find that I suffer for the next few days. I'm very stiff when I wake up in the mornings.

I'm just moaning though sorry! I know that this too will pass and that I will find my mojo again but I'm just wallowing right now. I've always been pretty low maintenance and been able to get away with it to a certain extent but as I'm getting older I need to invest the time and money which is annoying!

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