I hate how I look

[crazypiglady]

Please be kind! I’m so sick of feeling this way. I’ve never liked how I look but I’m now 45 and it’s getting much worse as I age to the extent where I now can bearly look at myself in the mirror. I live in leggings and hoodies, hate my weight (tummy & hips in particular), my teeth, I’m starting to get jowls, my chin and neck have gone, my hair is just there, no particular style despite regular cuts so is normally up in a Mom bun. I do wear some makeup and get my nails done. I’m seeing the dentist next week about trying to do something with my teeth and I’m looking at ‘tweakments’ for my face. My weight is a constant battle (I need to lose about a stone) so I’ve sort of given up on that I exercise and try to eat well but most of the time I just want to hide. Has anyone had anything done with their teeth and face that might help me? Or any other suggestions to just feel less rubbish about how I look?

I hear you! 47 and it’s a struggle. It’s partly how I feel. When I exercise it helps a lot. Also, nice shampoo and conditioner helps me feel better. Not eating breakfast helps me to feel less bloated in clothes. Also nice fabrics, I have ditched a lot of clothes that make me feel bad.

Ref teeth even just a hygienist appointment helps me feel better. I have looked at braces at they will cost £6K. My teeth are a bit crooked but I am not sure I can afford £6K!

A stone isn’t a huge amount of weight to have to lose. Don’t be so down on yourself.

I had Sparks (it’s like Invisalign) and composite bonding a few years ago. I get constant compliments on my teeth now. So I would definitely recommend those.

Oh and ditch the leggings. Nobody looks good in leggings. Try some loose jeans, palazzo pants maybe.

That’s interesting thank you I’ll look up Sparks

Do you have a budget? All these things are easily fixed if you can tell me how much you can spend

Find yourself some good fashion creators to follow on Instagram. Ones of your age who dress realistically and for your shape etc.

Look into Invisalign kind of treatments for your teeth.

Start small and focus on one thing at a time, you’ll soon get your mojo back.

Drink more water, get yourself out for a walk every day even if it’s a short one. The mental impact will help along side the physical.

Yes budget matters. I’d bet some new clothes and a haircut could improve how you feel quite a bit.

Go to a decent hairdresser who is able to chat to you about what you want, what you’re able to do (time/ability for styling etc), and suggest some styles that will really suit you. That can change your whole face.

I had Invisalign. See an orthodontist, not a dentist, as they are more trained on moving teeth. My treatment was only 6 months because I’d had braces as a teen, didn’t wear my retainer, so Invisalign was just sort of pushing them back to where the braces left them. I don’t regret it at all, but it is expensive and can be long.

I would tackle that stone you need to lose, as it's really not a lot.

Do you eat bread?
Do you drink alcohol?
Do you eat sugar?
Do you eat mindlessly or snack between meals?
Do you eat takeaways or ready meals?
Do you exercise at least three times a week?

If you give up the first five things (or at least keep them as occasional treats) and ensure you do the sixth I promise you you'll lose weight. And the great thing is that none of them cost anything!

Please please please stop wearing leggings and hoodies with a mum bun if you are already lacking confidence. That looks sends a message that you don;t feel good about yourself or care about yourself. (I'm sure there are many glam/sporty exceptions to this rule, but you know what look I mean.)

Instead, get one or two lovely sweaters in strong colours that suit you - a chunky one for cold days, a lightweight one for milder days, with some fitted long sleeved tops for underneath and a pair or two of well fitting jeans or cords in a style that works for you. Wear with boots or clean trainers. Strong block colours that suit your skin and hair tone suggest confidence and choice. Or you could go for soft neutrals for a subtler look.

Buy a wrist cuff or long pendant - again a single piece of jewellery that looks intentional, and start wearing it more often.

Get your hair cut and brows shaped. Just ask the hairdresser to discuss a style that would work with your face shape, and is easy to maintain.

Look up facial yoga and facial massage to strengthen the jaw muscles to prevent jowls developing too quickly.

Stop worrying about your weight and focus on your strength, agility and posture. Do core work (sit ups, russian twists, slow leg raises and lowers etc) to strengthen your abs and practise walking with shoulder blades pinned back, chin slightly up and bum tucked right in. You look like you lose half a stone visually if you have good posture, and you feel more alert and confident.

I am like you in that I cannot stand to see what I look like in pictures. I just try my best with make up and hair then go out and face the day.
However people constantly tell me they do not understand why I do not want my picture taken.
If you are like me in this respect what I do is
-work quietly on weight
-find a few outfits you feel comfortable in

• healthy always looks good

Accept that ageing is going to happen. There is no point in being upset about it- lean into it- maybe you would look stunning with white hair

I felt like this at one stage.
What helped, and what I can suggest is trying to tackle one thing per month.
I.e: One month invest in a nice face cream,
next month 1-2 new pieces for the wardrobe, next month book a Botox, etc, (examples only, you’ll know your preferences and budget)…
But it gets you started, then the thing snowballs gradually into feeling better.
2026 can be your year!

Maybe make a list of what bothers you most and gradually begin to tick off things as you tackle them - sounds like swapping out the leggings could be good if they have served their day for you.

I saw a friend the other day and when she smiled I immediately noticed her teeth and how good they looked. She’d had composite bonding done. It’s cheaper and less damaging than veneers, although it doesn’t last forever. It might be worth looking into. I want to get a couple of my teeth done now, to give a straighter and wider impression.

This is said with nothing but kindness and understanding - I am also someone who has struggled with self image. Lots of people are giving you great advice here on how to look better - fantastic. But your post strikes me that maybe there's something more going on. Our self image is, in some ways, nothing to do with what we look like - it's what's going on in our head and the stories we tell ourselves. Some very average looking people have enormous self confidence and literal models think they're ugly and worthless. While you're drinking more water and whitening your teeth and buying your palazzo pants (all recommended! 💜) can I gently suggest you look into self esteem too? Maybe podcasts, books or influencers that will help you see the wonderful, gorgeous person you already are?

Stop hiding in clothes that don't make you feel good and invest in some new clothes that fit and suit you, do your hair and your make up. I've been where you are and felt so much better about myself once I started making more of an effort. It's about self-worth and self esteem.

Thank you so much for all of these responses, I hadn’t thought about wide leg trousers (I think that’s what palazzo are?)

Yes def with the leggings/hoodie/hair up it’s gone from some days to every day to stopping me doing things like going for a meal out with husband because I don’t want to/can’t face attempting to dress up, I don’t want to buy clothes in a bigger size & admit defeat on my weight but that also means I have nothing to wear 😂 The last time we went out I stayed in my leggings & just kept my big winter coat on to hide my clothes.

I’ll look into composite bonding. With my hair I have no idea what would suit me, I’ve had the same hairdresser for years so maybe someone with a fresh pair of eyes might be able to suggest something.

Budget-wise it’s not massive, like I can afford to do things like get my nails done every now & then but £1000s on braces it out of my reach.

I totally understand where you’re coming from - I work from home and I realise Ive been living in jeans, no make up and hair in a mum bun. it’s not left me feeling great about myself.

I definitely think a few little changes can build up and help - new trousers, making the effort to wear jewellery…

There was a thread recently on how to look more polished and I thought that had some good tips. I’ve been trying to do little steps to make myself feel better - I bought a new foundation and lipstick, had my hair cut and a smoothing treatment done, bought a new jumper. Little things, but gradually reminding myself I am worth the effort and can look ok.

I also second the facial yoga recommendation - I don’t like being sat in front of the mirror to do it, but it does definitely help with jowls and loss of volume in the cheeks.