Rules for mothers of grooms

[Opheliaaffrighted]

please give guidance as I feel a bit lost.

How do you get on with your future DIL?

Is this for the wedding day? Ok what sort of wedding is it? Big church affair where hats will be worn or more relaxed small wedding in the uk or even overseas. Have they suggested anything like black tie dress code etc.

Then tell us a bit about you (size, height, normal dress style etc) and I’m sure some very helpful MN S&B will give you some ideas, even if you don’t go with any of those it’ll at least get your eye in for when you go shopping.

I wore a dress with chiffon coat for both my DSs' weddings, one pale blue, the other pale grey. Hat first time, feathery fascinator the second.

Don't get pissed at the reception and do some embarrassing mum moves on the dance floor.

Don’t wear white or cream! Ask bride if there’s a palette of colours she’d prefer (so aesthetically everyone coordinates in the main family photos). Some brides won’t care, some will spend a long time choosing colours and themes and will appreciate the thoughtfulness.

Don’t do a VB .

There aren't any "rules", just go with you and the B&G are happy with. As to how to act/behave, well that's just common sense, e.g don't get pissed and embarrass your son & his bride.

There really aren't any rules in fact no weddings have any rules although some people on this forum go full bridezilla if the bridesmaid's eyeshadow doesn't match the centrepieces apart from behaving courteously, the same way that you would anywhere else.

I suppose not dressing as if you are the bride is probably the only thing I can think of - although my former MIL dressed in the same colour as me at my wedding to her son - some people were horrified, I couldn't have given a toss. It was fairly clear that the 26-year-old in the strapless gold and burgundy box pleat dress was the bride as opposed to the 60-year-old in a burgundy shift dress and matching hat.

Are there rules? Just look respectable and don't outshine the bride. Just wear something you like, and then you can simply relax and enjoy yourself. If there's a dress code (eg hats in church), stick to it. Or if it's informal, eg with a reception in a field, then dress down a bit. Wear comfortable shoes.
A friend of mine got her mother of the groom outfit in a charity shop - she looked great, and nobody would have known (there are very smart charity shops in her area, but try it - you could buy a couple of things, to give you options).

Ideally don't do what my MIL did and wear colours that clash horribly with the wedding colour scheme

Don't wear white/cream/Ivory or the bridesmaids colours.

…and don’t wear head to toe black and sit there with a face like a slapped arse.

where what makes you comfortable, what makes you look good for you, show your ds in advance?

Check with bride and bride’s mother regarding colour before buying anything .

Thank you. Lots of useful information here.

My now MIL wore black and quite a few people commented on it to me afterwards, in a "oh crikey I noticed she was wearing black on the big day".
It stood out for the wrong reasons, especially as my immediate family already knew that she isn't my biggest fan!

Show interest. Only give advice if it’s asked for. Otherwise be interested, how lovely all the choices are, how excited you are.
Ask about any colour preferences re your outfit.
Ask if there’s anything you can do in the lead up, the day before, and on the day.
Don’t question any food choices, just say what a great choice they are. (There was a BBC news article at Christmas saying never questioning food choices at weddings/Christmas etc surprisingly stops a lot of annoyances between people!)
It’s a big day, have fun, make memories