My current style as a chubby woman in her 40s

[MomWithChinHairs]

First things first, I will speak to my therapist about my latest freak out. On to yesterday, I bought some new clothes because of my weight gain. I needed comfortable clothes other than tank tops and leggings. I listened to a lot of the advice from here and tried to just look for things that make me comfortable. Things that reflect how I am right now. Things that I like.

I'm a mom. I'm a wife. I'm a dance teacher for adult women. I live in southern California. I have a belly. I'm in my 40s.

The seemingly oddest choice is I got some tennis dresses. Do I play tennis? No. Do I like how the dresses look on me? Yes. Did anyone ask or even imply that I should buy them? No. It's truly a choice I made for myself.

I got some more wear relevant athletic clothes. I got some blouses and mom jeans. Shorts with an elastic waist band.

I talked to my husband and he apologized for he phrased things to me. He said he never wanted me to try to look older. He said he was trying to explain that I've gotten more beautiful since I've gotten older. He said to just look how I want to look, as I'm beautiful in anything.

I'm going to try to stop others apparent or actual opinions influenced how I look. I'm in my 40s, I look like I'm my 40s, and that's okay. I don't need to look younger nor olderm My daughter and husband live how I look. Things are fine.

That’s great OP. The outfits sound lovely and it seems your husband thinks you’re beautiful exactly as you are.

This is so weird

Who are all these people so fascinated with what you’re wearing? Or is it just from your husband?

Aw, thank you. I know I still have a lot of work to do in accepting how my aging but I'm much better now than I was a few months.

Just read your past threads including the one from yesterday.

There is clearly a lot going on here, and I agree very very wise to raise with your therapist.

It really shouldn't matter but I noticed the difference in how men treat me. It's so stupid for me to care. I don't hit on as often I used to.

You bought tennis dresses, but you don't play tennis

None of us do, dear- none of us do 🤷‍♀️.

I just hope we are not raising our daughters to be like me, even it comes to this topic.

I’m not.

Then again I don’t start multiple threads that are often baffling and quite honestly - a touch concerning

Perhaps you will decide to take up tennis. If you do, you'll already have the perfect dress!

Seriously, who cares? It means absolutely nothing if a man hits on you. Watch who they hit on. It’s not always who you’d guess and many men are very undiscerning….

But -far, far, far more importantly - why do you care? Why are you measuring your worth by how attractive men find you? So, if no man ever hit on you or paid you a compliment, you’d be nothing, would you? Of course not!

Forget about your supposed tummy and buying new clothes, and get some self-esteem. There’s only one place that stocks it - you. No clothes, no therapist, no husband can improve your basic self-esteem because it comes from inside you.

However, that doesn’t mean you should sit there navel-gazing and solely focussing on yourself, just that you should work on your self esteem as you go about your life. I suggest that you turn your focus outwards and keep busy so you have less time to obsess like this.