I need to completely change my style

[livelyparsnip]

I used to be really stylish in my 20s.

I’m now 40 and a single mum of 3 and I wear the easiest most boring unflattering clothes ever (like an grungy teen) and I really want to change this now.

My figure is mostly ok, I am size 8 and 5’3, so petite usually is good if I can find it. But I am stocky. I am not delicate. I have decent legs but my arms and shoulders are quite ‘athletic’ so anything that makes them larger is a no no (absolutely no puffy sleeves for me). I have a waist but slim hips.

I want to look feminine and colourful again, but I am really struggling. I also don’t have a huge amount to spend so I’m trying to do this all through Vinted which isn’t easy, but I’m not averse to buying new if the items are worth it.

ChatGPT thinks shirt dresses with a waist or a belt are my go to and I think I agree.

I dont really know what my question is other than…does anyone have any advice?

Invest in a personal stylist. Will open your eyes to lots of new ways to wear, how to shop, what colours to go for.

If you're currently dressing like a grungy teenager, which i asume means in hoodies, sweatpants, jeans etc than belted shirtdresse might be a bit of a leap in one move.

How would you like to dress? What's your life like? Do you need office clothes or just casual?

If you live in jeans & tshirts - focus on finding nicer versions & cool tops - shirts / blouses / knitwear & decent trainers

Start small & keep adding to it

What I’ve noticed on S&B is that once people step over to Vinted, they seem to lose connection with what’s currently being sold in shops - and how things are currently being styled and worn.

But there’s absolutely nothing to stop you browsing websites from & Other Stories / Zara / Massimo Dutti to Net-a-Porter and SSense, just to keep your eye in and get some up to date inspiration. Actively observing, without buying, will provide ideas on how to wear the clothes you already own, and how to choose things on Vinted that contribute to an overall look.

I’m considerably older than you, constantly browsing, and personally find shirt dresses a bit boring, but I agree they’re easy to wear. I’m also just under 5’3 and shop entirely from non-petite sources. (I’m happy to have things altered whenever necessary - if you’d rather not spend money on that do you possess a friend or relative who sews and could undertake simple alterations?)

In addition to the high end multi-platform stores, and Zara family brands I’ve mentioned above, have you looked at any of these lately - to identify what sort of style appeals to you - regardless of price?

Collagerie
Cos,
Essential Antwerp
Justine Tabak
Klements
La Double J
YMC
Doen
American Vintage
The Frankie Shop
Damson Madder
Simone Rocha
Hades
Sister Jane
Jo Gordon

Don't know if she would be your vibe but there is an Instagram personal stylist I follow called StylebyClaireLopez and she demos loads of different ways to dress according to your shape (even though she's clearly tiny herself) and ways to dress up or down various looks.
I don't find just going into a shop or looking at online stores helpful at all because, beyond colour, I just don't know what suits me. This influencer gives loads of helpful tips about, for example, which style boots to wear with certain trouser shapes.
I initially assumed her links would be to expensive designers but a lot of her stuff is High Street although you can also look for cheaper versions if you see a look you like.

I also second Claire Lopez - whilst slimmer than me she’s roughly my height I think (am 5 3).

I'm pretty sure she has shared in the past that she's 5'3 and a size 6.
I am most definitely not but I can still use a lot of her suggestions.

Thank you everyone!

the list of shops is very useful, there’s lots I haven’t heard of.

would love a stylist but I imagine that will be way out of reach for me! Maybe one day.

i will definitely have a look at this instagram woman.

I need smart/casual for work (more casual than smart but I like to look professional). One of my issues is that I’ve always valued utility a lot, and I think I used to be able to get away with this when I was younger and still looked good, but now that I’m doing it I just look dated and uncared for. It’s depressing. My mum and boyfriend keep trying to encourage me

Utility …

So, you browse (and I mean religiously):

Margaret Howell
mfpen
Our Legacy

and, thus informed, then shop from

Community Clothing
Uniqlo

I don’t understand how there are so many labels I’ve never heard of! Thank you

There are also cheaper online stylists, that will do colour analysis and body analysis like this one, which costs £40-55 depending on the service you opt for.

https://www.stylemehappy.co.uk/colour-analysis

I can personally vouch for Emily as she did my colours and gave me style tips years ago....maybe around 2021 when she was starting out? Anyway she was great and it was really helpful.

Word of warning (and I won’t labour the point) - over the past twenty years I’ve found that people who’ve ’had their colours done’ blend into themselves to the point of invisibility. I might meet a friend for lunch, or a colleague for a meeting, and find it absolutely impossible to later remember anything at all about what they were wearing.

I guess they're happy with this effect. It really wouldn’t be for me.

For me personally, I found the Style me Happy experience a real disappointment. I genuinely got the same advice on both colour and shape via ChatGPT and got no responses from her to my follow up. I know others rate it (which is why I tried it) but given you are on a tight budget wanted to share a different view.

as a naturally unstylish person at a life changing stage (menopause/kids leaving for me) I have spent a bit of time where you are over the past few months (not that you are unstylish! I mean are trying to find yourself a bit). Instagram, Pinterest, stuff on the kibbe style system, sites like this one:

https://www.nikiwhittle.com/2022/09/the-pear-body-shape.html

even something like Kettlewell - yes it’s a bit Bridget Jones Mum but there are some articles which could be really helpful re colours.

But I think where I have gone wrong in the past is wanting something to slavishly follow then I’d expect it to make me look immediately stylish. For me I’d then lose a bit of ‘me’. So I found experimenting with some suggested guidelines is the key and in my personal experience that can be hard via vinted because of it doesn’t work for yo, you have to resell and may not get the same price so that makes it easy to ‘make do’ or settle.

I use places like M&S or Sainsbury’s for jeans, Primark or Next for cotton T-shirts (my primark ones have lasted years), Sainsburys for my most complimented work shirts (100% cotton again). Then vinted for stuff you know works. I know lots of people love Uniqlo too - it’s a bit boxy and the colours don’t tend to work for me personally but I have friends who wear it loads for work and look great.

it is a bit boring but basics that suit plus accessories that make you smile (here I do tend to lean into the cheap because I have a fondness for pops of colour and/or a bit of animal print) and some good grooming and you will make a load of difference.

Sorry but I don’t follow this line of thinking at all and it’s absolutely not my experience.

You've got your hands full right now with 3 kids so for the time being, I think short cuts are in order. I don't follow any influencers or stylists and I've not used ChatGPT for style advice but I think anything that'll give you a lift and a bit of direction is worth a try. I'm on the fence about colours because I know what I like on me and I must admit I struggle to understand why looking in a mirror isn't enough, but I'm clearly missing something.

As a longer term project, I'd try and reconnect with that 20-something stylish you that you've talked about. I don't mean recreate what you used to wear 20 years ago - your life is different now so that would be pointless - but I'm going to take a punt that you had a lot more confidence in your own style then.

I have an outfit I used to wear in my 30s a lot (I'm quite a bit older than you) that always made me feel fantastic. I've kept it, not because I've any intention of wearing it again but because I get it out sometimes and remember how I used to feel when I wore it, and then I seek out clothes that give me a similar feeling now. I don't know if you've got anything like that, or can remember an outfit that did that for you?

Also you're a size 8 with what sounds like an athletic build. Lots of us would envy that and yet you talk about your body in quite a negative way. I get it, plenty of us have been there but, I'd try and shake that off.

Oh this is affordable, thank you

Interesting…I wonder why

Useful, thank you!

the rest of my life is really really challenging at the moment so I’m just trying to find some joy in this one place right now, but feel suddenly so clueless

I am also older than you (in my 50s) & have time & money to invest in my style.

I've always had an interest in clothes but when i was at your stage in my 30s with young dc i was a sahm & had far more limited means & time

I develoed a sort of uniform for those days - back them it was skinny jeans, ash trainers, breton long sleeved top (h&m, boden in sales or gap)

Then i hit on a formula that made me feel great & look stylish (at that time) of french connection or jigsaw demin jeggings, long brown boots & dress style tunics from Noa Noa with coordinating cardigans - warm, practical, easy to thrown on & always dresses properly. I had several variatons.all bought in sales

I got a lot of compliments as i'm tall & slim & those shapes worked on me

I wouldn't wear any of that now but i think that approach would help you

I would also throw some more brands into the mix to be used for inspiration on styling - you're young & dressing shouid be fun!

Essentiel Antwerp
Sezane
BA&SH
Claudie Pierlot

For buying....m&s have really upped their game & seem to have lots of dupes for brands like Sezane

Can you elaborate on this? It doesn’t make much sense and I’m interested to know what you mean?