Help me crawl, confused tired but not yet quite defeated, out of this hole into the New Year using S&B as a crutch

[BlinkingFail]

Somehow, over the past year, due to family & health issues, combined with grief, I have stopped caring about my looks. For a few months I could get away with not caring but now it’s really starting to show and I’m depressed and unsure how best to address it. I also feel I comfort eat when I feel like this - when I know that’s the exact wrong thing to do, but feel defeated - so I get further and further into the black hole of doing and eating the wrong things.

I know it’s superficial but how I look and feel does affect my mental mood. When I look back at photos from last year in my photo memories and compared to now I look bloated, wrinkled, dull whereas I used to look ok.

I am sure at least part of this is due to putting on about 1/2 stone- but I also no longer use beauty products or cleanse my skin properly.

I suppose what I’m looking for us tips to “glow up” during the next 4 weeks so I can feel and look more like my old self. I am mid 50s by the way.

I also don’t really know what to eat any more… I am in a rut of tiredness / boredom.

I also don’t have the budget I used to- and I am too tired to meal prep - my typical breakfast is ready made porridge pot or toast & marmalade- lunch - sandwich or nothing, then graze during evening on crackers, cheese, hummus etc- maybe more toast & marmalade or a ready meal.

I don’t like fruit except apples.

Any help or advice welcome!

I also detest water and feel so dispirited when people say “drink water” - I can just about tolerate hot water but just don’t like cold water- weird I know. Is green tea ok instead? I’d need to drink gallons…

Yes you can get decaff green tea. I love herbal teas in winter. I can only really drink water from a steel bottle if its cold and has a suction cap. I'm partial to sparkling water these days as well. I have a ' giant mug' I got on Amazon for tea - quite economical as I get more from a bag. Fresh green tea leaves in a cafetiere is also fun.

Your diet speaks out as somewhere you can get more energy.

I do homemade porridge in the microwave, add frozen blueberries and almonds, live yoghurt - lots of prebiotic fibre. I grate an apple into it, and add some chia seeds for fibre. Frozen raspberries also have lots of fibre. I just whack them on the hot porridge and they melt. Also frozen mango is fun in porridge. Not dissimilar to the marmalade vibe so may appeal.

Do you like eggs? I'm a big fan of eggs and have a second breakfast of eggs on sourdough toast most days - they have collagen (as do blueberries) which is great for skin. Lots of ways you can do them - poached, scrambled (I do all versions in a microwave), boiled mixed with cottage cheese for more protein. Chuck a few cherry tomatoes on the side.

If you're having ready meals ensure it's got good amount of protein and try add more veg to the side. My rule is to try and eat something green every day.

Fruit and veg makes a huge difference to skin glow.

Skin - main thing is what's your skin type? If it's dry, you'd want a balm cleanser (I just use Garnier Rose) and a tonic water, then follow with a serum to lock in moisture (I'm a huge fan of Inkey List Hyaluronic Acid serum, it made my skin very soft). Then moisturise as per skin type. Dash of SPF 50 every day.

How's your hair? I sometimes go an get a nice blow dry (if I can find a small excuse with some event coming up..) which makes me feel good. Going back for highlights soon which is my current plan for hiding greys.

Book something nice for you to do, facial, or a brunch or something, you sound like you deserve it.

My sympathies with the hard time you’ve been having, @BlinkingFail.

Good advice above - you absolutely don’t have to drink gallons of cold water!

But you are going to have to try with food - regular, nutritionally rich meals will help everything in your body, which will give you the energy to start feeling better. Could you manage a weekly veg box? No pre-determined items, just choose exactly what you want.

Riverford

is really easy, if they deliver to your area. Good bread (with seeds) and cheese only needs a salad vegetable and some easily heated soup - that way you’ll be full enough to sleep well (as well as possible) at night. If you do eat eggs, an omelette need only take five minutes, and you can throw in whatever’s in your fridge.

Do you eat fish? Tinned fish is an effort free way of getting plenty of protein. Add to some beans or bread with a couple of chopped tomatoes.

What else … ? Obviously you’ll know your own priorities but if you can manage a trip to the hairdressers (if relevant) you probably would leave feeling uplifted and mildly interested in effecting other changes in your appearance.

One other thing - what’s your local environment like? If there’s somewhere you enjoy walking I would try to do that as often as possible.

Thanks so much. Some really good ideas there. I do like eggs & could make -an omelette.

I used to love fish but currently living with someone who hates the smell and says it makes them heave.. so I can’t cook salmon etc - although I guess I could buy ready cooked - but more pricey.

Hair - is long and hasn’t been cut for about 6 months. I have a slight phobia of hairdressers - style looks ok I think it’s one of the least areas of concern - although I could get highlights maybe.

Skin is very dry. I am currently using up an old prob gone off Vit C serum. In fact it was scrabbling around to find something to put on my skin this morning which prompted this post- as I really have no idea what vit c serum is even supposed to do.

For cleansing I’ve taken to using wipes. I don’t use much makeup except concealer and mascara.

There’s a canal I used to enjoy walking along but the person I walked with no longer here so it makes me a bit sad. I have to move on I know..

I used to be able to walk to the canal but having moved I’d now need to drive to it, then walk as am further away - too far to walk to canal access point now.

Find another favourite place - not somewhere that automatically suggests barriers to achievement!

Don't know if any of this might help - more content than expected:

https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2026/jan/02/how-not-to-look-tired-even-when-knackered

Thanks @Tocsin some great content there.

moisturiser. anything will do, doesn't have to be fancy. then, blusher. I know you don't wear much make up but, a quick bit of blusher will make you feel a bit brighter when you catch sight of yourself in the mirror. You don't even have to buy one: just use a bit of lippy, dab it on, rub it in: instant livener.
then... a walk. every day, even if it's only for ten minutes. Bit of sunlight on your face, a quick stroll to put some fresh air in your lungs, cheap, easy, done.
the rest? don't be too hard on yourself. sounds like you've had a hard time, and you're just emerging from the cocoon of turmoil. chin up.

Thanks @NewLimeFish - I do actually have a bobbi brown cream blusher somewhere; you’ve just reminded me :-)

The thing I am struggling with most is motivation, most days I just feel I can’t be bothered! Maybe depression?

Of course it's depression, plus january blues.

Or you could simply be feeling exhausted and unhappy? You’ve mentioned family and health issues and grief - it is perfectly natural not to feel on top of the world at such times.

It strikes me you don't eat any veg. Start with that. And are you taking enough Vitamin D?

I think the main things that you should start with are:
fruit and vegetables every day- the easiest would be a banana with breakfast, an apple with lunch, carrot and cucumber sticks with a bought hoummus or tzatziki, an orange after lunch or dinner

shower or bath every day- treat yourself to a nice shower gel or bubble bath

walk every day, even if just 15 minutes around the block

Oh wait - you don’t like fruit. Red pepper slices and any other raw stuff with your dips then

Lots of great advice here that will definitely help you. It sounds like you’ve had a rough time and you’re feeling pretty low. I’d suggest not trying to implement too many changes at once. You risk feeling overwhelmed and giving up then you’d be back to square one! Pick a few easy things and keep adding more as you go. Maybe think about therapy and/or medication if you haven’t already?

You’re right - I don’t eat any veg, @RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie - I do like raw veg with dips though - so could def try that for lunch.

Are there any quick fixes looks wise - skin wise - to perk me up a bit and make me feel more motivated to improve my diet etc? It’s hard to eat healthily when you look a mess - or I feel it is any way - as I think ah sod it, I’m a mess anyway so might as well have another biscuit. I think I suffer from a lack of self care.

I totally agree with not doing too much at once. I would start with one thing....do it for a week and then add something else. Keep it very small and manageable to start with but tiny changes can add up and compound over time. So over January I'd do something like:

Week 1: Drink more water. It doesn't have to be cold. If you like green tea buy a decaf one and drink that. I'm currently sat with a giant mug of peppermint tea because it's too cold to be drinking my usual water from the fridge and herbal tea is still hydrating. Maybe try one of those mixed boxes so you can try a few different flavours. If you're dehydrated you are going to look and feel rubbish, so get that sorted.

Week 2: Add nutrition to your meals. If you currently have porridge and you only like apple as a fruit then have that. Proper oats and fresh milk will be better than a ready made UPF porridge pot. You can mix the oats and milk in a bowl the night before, leave in the fridge and then just microwave it in the morning. Add some cinnamon and chopped or stewed apple. Or just eat the apple alongside your porridge if easier.

Find some nuts you like and eat a small handful every day as a snack. I like walnuts and pecans.

If you like eggs then scrambled eggs and spinach on proper wholemeal toast is an easy but nutritious meal. Or avocado on toast with a fried egg on top is one of my go to lunches. Just adding some fruit and veg where you can. You could add smoked salmon on the side if you like fish but don't want to cook it.

Forget the ready meals and buy some BOL fresh soups from the fridge section of the supermarket. They have extra protein added through blended beans rather than protein powders. One of their vegetable/bean soups with some good bread and butter or a chunk of cheese and an apple for your dessert will do you good.

Making your own soup or other healthy recipes can come in time. Keep things manageable for now.

Week 3: Do 20 minutes of movement every day. It could just be a walk, or some yoga stretches. If I think I don't have time I do a 5-10 minute walk after each meal and tell myself I'm helping my digestion but actually I've suddenly done a few thousand extra steps throughout the day.

Week 4: Skincare and other self care. Get rid of the makeup wipes and buy some flannels and cleansing balm instead. Find a decent moisturiser to help with your dry skin and use it every evening. Put an SPF on as your moisturiser in the morning. If you are using wipes then you're not cleaning your face properly which will be contributing to you feeling your skin looks dull.

There aren't any quick fixes in terms of magic creams. Most of how you look and feel is going to come from what you eat and drink so start thinking about eating better and drinking more water as an act of self care.

There have been some great ideas for you on here already I’d add:
Join a gym and get fit. Or a running group. I spent most of the summer languishing on the sofa eating myself silly after being diagnosed with arthritis. Following the phisio advice to start exercising a lot my mood is now good and I feel very alive and glowing.
Buy some Jones Road Miracle Balm (Bobbi Brown’s current brand) This will make anyone look super healthy and just very naturally wonderful.
Good Luck with your transformation, spring being round the corner will help.

Try simple swaps and build from there:

I also don’t have the budget I used to- and I am too tired to meal prep - my typical breakfast is ready made porridge pot or toast & marmalade- lunch - sandwich or nothing, then graze during evening on crackers, cheese, hummus etc- maybe more toast & marmalade or a ready meal.

Get plain oats (without all the added sugar) and make your own porridge with apple. Takes the same time as ready oats.

Warm water with lemon worth a try.

Etc.

I packed on weight with a long term illness and steroids. Coming off slowly with high protein, lots of veg and lower carbs. Microscopically slowly. In the old days would have shed it in weeks.

Really try to sleep well.

Two things I swear by:

1 strength training, makes me feel strong & capable and I have lost more weight than I did with cardio alone

2 I have created “uniforms” which look put-together with minimal thought

For example my hiking uniform is leggings, socks, long tops . I have a few that all go together and can be mixed and matched and look good with minimal effort.

My casual “uniforms” is wide leg jeans, boxy jumper, trainers so again have a few I can mix and match.

My winter work uniform is a certain style of dress that suits me, black tights and boots

Means I look put together with minimal daily effort

Magnesium, B Complex and Vit D supplements.

Veg box delivery.

Glycerin serum for face and lips, retinoid, multi-peptide from The Ordinary. Really affordable brand.

Glowy, lightweight makeup such as IT Cosmetics SPF 50 Hydrating CC cream, with a cream blush and dewy setting spray.

Comfortable, timeless, simple clothing items that are made of good materials. A wool jumper with a flattering cut, a pair of wide legged trousers, a nice pair of boots. Can source lovely things from Vinted.

One gentle walk a day.

Guided meditation on Youtube.

Low impact exercise (yoga, pilates - again Youtube) if you have the time.

3 small things that will make a difference in a week:

drink 2 more cups of whatever drink you like (people will say decaf or whatever, doesn't matter at this point, just get some liquid in you.
walk 10 mins a day (listen to a podcast so you don't think about the persion you used to walk with ) - just around the block is fine
moisturise - use anything you have to use up, or to hand. Use body lotion on your face.

I promise you'll see results, and then will be motivated to add something else next week ...

Elf do a lip and cheek oil. I find it makes a great difference to morale and energy to have a pop of colour on the cheeks and lips