Finding your “new self”

[howdoyousurvive]

Background:
Early 2022 had first baby
late 2023 second baby with pnd
Mid 2024 dad died

I am 30 next year and I am determined to find myself again. Not just a mum or grieving daughter to feel like me again (not just for short snippets).
style is one thing I feel lost in. Love shopping but I feel like I’m forever in that, “but I need something to go with it’.
also, when (if ever) do you feel put together again? Not like a drowning rat most of the time

what tips do you have that genuinely changed your life as a parent in giving you that glimmer of yourself? Clothes, hair, makeup, fitness all of it!

x

What a good project for a new year!

This may not apply at all but I lost five stone and looking more put together came much more easily then.

Youre far too young for Botox which is my only other tip I guess.

I had a baby in 2023 and another a few months ago. After my first I had no idea what my style was anymore and it took me close to two years to get an idea.
Personally I realised that any ‘fashion’ accounts on social media that I was drawn to were the ones who wore a lot of pattern and colour - e.g. dopamine dressing. A lot of these women are mums who were also finding their style. So I know I love patterned trousers, oversized t-shirts and jumpers etc. Getting inspiration from social media gives me confidence that colours will look good together.
I love seeing people who wear neutrals and how they always look so put together. It’s not my style, but I think neutrals look smart and always go well together. So if you like that kind of style then try to find inspiration for those kind of outfits.

For me exercise was/is really important.

I am so sorry that you have had such a rough time these past few years. Like you, I had PND with my second baby and 20 years later I still remember how horribly disembodied I felt - like a different person was living inside my body. I found ‘me’ again by prioritising regular exercise and improving my diet. For me, it was running because that is what I enjoyed pre-babies. Is there any form of exercise that you used to o and enjoy or would like to try? Thanks to PND and an increasingly unhappy marriage I literally had forgotten how to smile, laugh and engage with people. My world had become very small and very grey. I made a conscious effort to smile and be friendly with everyone I met and, together with the running and improved diet, gradually found that I was getting back to the lighthearted, confident, stylish person I had been pre-babies. Appreciate that it is super tough to find the time for exercise and sel-care when your children are small but it is so important to find time to look after you. Do you have anyone who could look after the children for an hour or so on a regular basis to enable you to do something on your own that you enjoy? If not, there are loads of fitness and yoga/ Pilates videos online which perhaps you could do when the children are napping or have gone to bed? If exercise isn’t your thing, spend the time doing something else that you used to enjoy (eg facials, nails, music, crafts, etc). As long as it is something you are doing for ‘you’ that gives you pleasure, that is all that matters. Good luck and wishing you all the best for 2026 - new year, new (old) YOU!!

Korean skin care has been a game changer for me. I’m in my 40s and my skin glows.

Also, yoga for my mental health.