Funeral outfit - is this okay?

[OSTMusTisNT]

Just trying to plan my outfit for MIL's funeral. (UK based so being warm is a priority).

Current plans are black shoes/boots, black trousers, smart cream M&S knit raglan style jumper and dark burgundy wool coat (blazer style).

I don't own a black coat and none of my navy coats are funeral suitable. Could buy a black coat but 1. Chances are it won't be the same shade of black and I hate the 50 shades of dark look and 2. What's the point spending money on something I won't get much use out of.

Does that sound okay? I refuse to be cold and if all the men get to wear a white shirt I think a smart cream jumper is okay for me but suspect DH might think that isn't suitable.

Slightly different view but do you like the cream jumper?

Will you or husband always associate it with what you wore to the funeral? If so, it’s a reason not to wear the cream jumper.

Sounds fine, maybe a black scarf with it?

MIL was very elderly and FIL away many years ago so DH and I are the main family. She was the second last of her generation familywise so not expecting many people will be there.

It's a cremation and having been there several times before, I don't think it's a warm enough room to take coat off at this time of year so the main thing folks will see is my coat until the wake, probably less than 20 people.

After posting this I asked DH what he thought of my outfit choice and he's fine with it. (And, totally denying he persuaded me to wear all black as his Uncles funeral 20 years ago!).

I think you have to go with your DH and if he’s happy crack on. I think a lot comes down to the norms in the family. My granny wanted her funeral to be a party and not something depressing so she said no black and bright colours. That wouldn’t have flown at all on my husband’s side where the funerals I’ve been to have been very traditional. I think the white jumper would have stood out at the traditional funerals I’ve been to and would suggest swapping the top like others but would have been totally fine at the more relaxed ones I’ve been to.

I’d wear a top that’s mostly black - black and burgundy sounds better than a pale top. Burgundy coat is fine. Black bag and shoes/boots are just right too.

Sounds fine. I wore black skirt, red jumper and green coat to a winter funeral

It was my father’s funeral yesterday so I am probably being hugely oversensitive. But if a family member was wearing cream I would have been hurt/ offended. I wouldn’t have said anything of course but I would have noticed and felt it was inappropriate. Just being brutally honest but I am very freshly grieving so I may not be the best person to respond.

I’m a celebrant OP…your outfit sounds perfectly fine!

I have done 5 funerals this week, and at only one of these was everyone in ‘all black’ traditional funeral attire.

It’s actually very rare now that all black or majority black is worn by everyone.

I have a funeral on Monday morning where the family are Portuguese…they have requested black, but this is my first service (of over 100!) where this has happened.

If the service is in a crematorium/chapel, you’ll be warm so don’t worry too much about your coat and definitely don’t buy new! Even if it’s a burial, honestly, you’ll see all kinds of coats, anoraks, jackets.

Keep the smart coat on.

I just buried DF and, having planned the funeral beautifully, realised the night before at 9pm I had no acceptable black dress. Or coat.

I wore a 50s black vintage opera coat with bracelet sleeves, a suspiciously dark blue dress (thanks for life, next online overnight delivery) and a cream Bella Freud jersey that says LOVE HURTS as a scarf. Flats.

Men wear suits, women wear dark, that’s it. Bits of colour allowed.

Cream is absolutely fine. My family are very formal and I’ve been to far too many funerals in my life to count, we are the type of family that we all own funeral clothes we’ve had for years. All black, black & white (cream in your case) are perfectly acceptable.

Just wear black or dark colours. I wouldn't worry too much about the coat.

At funerals people should be focussing on the service and the bereaved, not judging outfits. If they do it says everything about them and nothing about you. Your job is to support your husband.

I am sorry your mothe4 in law has died.

It all sounds fine but not sure about the cream top. If there's even a tiny chance that your DH or another relative finds it disrespectful then I'd err on the side of caution and wear a dark top. Doesn't have to be black but a dark colour might be safer.

It’s fine. I went to GMIL funeral recently. I agonised about what to wear and when I got the there no one was in black except a few elderly gents in black suits and ties.

most just wore a smart, plain mainly dark outfit.

I would wear what you are planning to.

We had elderly MIL funeral recently. Close family all wore basically black outfits (I had black trousers and black blouse with cream stitching around the neck and cuffs, cream wool coat). Other attendees at the funeral wore a mix of dark, smart, and various casual clothes. It felt appropriate.

I don't think I have ever been to a funeral wearing any black - apart from when I had to go in my motorcycle leathers. As long as you turn up, give your respects and are not wearing anything 'inappropriate' I don't see what the problem is.

Last funeral I went to most were wearing jeans.

It depends on family expectations, but in general funerals now are just smart. I've never been to a funeral were everyone, or even family, are in all black.

It’s not disrespectful to wear a cream top but something toning with the coat and bottoms just looks better. More pulled together and not a rummage on the work clothes section of the wardrobe. It means there’s an outfit for any future similar event.

It sounds absolutely fine and I've been to quite a lot of funerals. I don't wear black to them, I just make sure whatever I'm wearing is smart, totally unmemorable - and also warm. I'm sorry for your loss.