Outfit help for someone who has lost their way...

[Kittybelle123]

I'm hoping that someone can help me out.... I'm 47, 5'4" (163 cm), size 14 - 16. I have lost my way with my sense of style overall, but my biggest issue currently is that DH and I host a large party every New Year.

Last year was the most humiliating for me. I looked haggard, my outfit clung to all the wrong places; and to top it off all of my guests looked stunningly beautiful and well put together. Even though I love hosting I could not wait for the night to end so I could hide away.

Through this year I've really tried to sort myself out - however I am peri-menopausal and have a hugely stressful life with 2 demanding SEN DC. The weight is not shifting and the bags under my eyes are more entrenched than ever.

So - my issues are:
I have a limited budget (no more than £100, but the lower the better).
I struggle to shop for my size and still look for clothes that would flatter my size 8 body from 20 years ago. I want to hide my tummy and my upper arms and I would love a low heel to lift me. And I would just like to look and feel good, just for one night.

Can anyone recommend anything?

Have a look at never fully dressed, this is beautiful, but £169 - it might give you ideas

https://www.neverfullydressed.com/products/black-sequin-bow-dress

Do you have a comfortable bed? Supportive mattress and bigger than the bed, weighty duvet? Between you and your DH, are you able to manage enough good quality sleep, even with demanding children? Sleep is the one thing that will immediately and drastically improve your stress levels - and help to regulate your weight and decrease eye bags. (Apologies for lecture!)

In your position I would rent something fabulous that would otherwise be way beyond your budget. The best way to approach it is to browse all the dress rental sites, work out which brands you like and then either go and try those brands in store, or order and return on your credit card so you know exactly what size you are with particular brands, and how they fit. Then you can place your rental order with confidence. It’s trouble free and cost effective.

This is the best guide to rental sites:

https://www.redonline.co.uk/fashion/a37750531/rent-clothes/

Examples of things you could rent (have filtered to size 16):

https://www.hurrcollective.com/listings/camille-crystal-velvet-dress

https://www.hirestreetuk.com/products/jigsaw-clouded-leopard-silk-jumpsuit?_pos=136&variant=55469235962235

https://www.hurrcollective.com/listings/emory-dress-countryside-devore-black

https://byrotation.com/products/bella-freud-blue-jackets-cmi91pjxe07h6piy3xrf5642o

https://www.hurrcollective.com/listings/crepe-dot-mesh-sleeved-midi-dr

Is this a good time to get to John Lewis for that personal shopper help thing? I've never done it, but it's mentioned on here a lot, and I thought of it when I read your post. You're feeling really down about yourself and lost for what to wear and it could be really helpful to get an outside perspective irl.

Thank you so much to all of you for responding 💐

@Rina66your suggestion is beautiful! Thank you. It is sadly out of my budget and I also wonder if I would be brave enough to wear it, but that says more about how I feel about myself right now.

@TroubledBloodyMarythank you for the lecture! I appreciate it. We have recently got a new mattress which is incredibly comfortable and I’ve taken your advice on board re the duvet - ours is wider than our bed but I think I may go all out and get an even wider one for comfort. I do have trouble staying asleep - both due to my age and the amount of stress I have in my life (I’d love to reduce it but it is almost entirely linked to my children’s needs). But I really do appreciate the lecture and will take even more steps to get better sleep.
thanks as well for the suggestion about renting - I never think of this! And to take all that time to find suggestions for me. This would have taken me days! I love this idea and will keep on looking - that Camille dress is beautiful!

@dudsvillethank you for this suggestion. You are spot on with your suggestion and I think it would be really helpful to have someone to guide me IRL.

Thank you all so much for taking time to come back to me 💐

Glad to be of help!

I feel you now need another thread on sleep … But in case you don’t have the energy:

Definitely get a duvet one size bigger than your bed. If your bed is larger than king size consider getting one double duvet each - otherwise laundry and changing of bed linen becomes the equivalent of two hours at the gym.

Especially if you invest in a wool duvet. I spent ten years under my ‘trial run’ Soak & Sleep winter weight duvet and could scarcely be persuaded to part with it until the peak of summer heat. Then I suffered a few months away from home under a cheap synthetic thing and scarcely slept at all. My skin turned grey, I felt sluggish and forgetful … Recently bought a Devon Duvets winter weight; it is a beast of a thing, vast and embracing. I feel more alert and my skin has regained some glow. (I’m only awake now because I went to bed ridiculously early.) Highly recommend.

Also - fistfuls of magnesium salts in an evening bath. Wonderful for skin and will absolutely aid deep sleep. If bath not possible, the magnesium spray is worth trying.

Seriously, get on top of that and everything in your life will feel easier.