I don’t know where to begin

[1976a]

Honest post upcoming- be gentle please. I’m 48. Had a really tough time over the last 15 years or more. Work full time but was off with a complete break down for months this year. Trying to rebuild myself. ADHD recent diagnosis, menopause. Omg my mental health has been so bad but I’m here and manage as best I can. I’m addicted to food and I’m size 20 but I’m working on this area of my life next. Given up cigarettes and most alcohol- odd glass on wine

I own two pairs of next mom jeans, two pairs of next cords in black for work and going out. 10 next T-shirts in blue, black and white, 2 old joules cardigans with birds on, a jumpsuit (which won’t fit now) and that is it. Mainly work from home do lots of awful pj bottoms.

summer- 3 pairs of wide cotton trousers in black and navy, Birkenstocks x1, crocs x1

I own Nike pros, two black pairs of brogues and one pair of heels which hurt so can’t be worn for long.

i go to shops every week when my girls are at brownies/ guides and cannot find a thing, i walk round aimlessly and then go back to the car and often cry. This is low and I then feel worse and tell myself that my wardrobe is enough!

I need to go to a Christmas meal too and I’m dreading it as I have nothing except an old monsoon top that is too tight and is so old and out of fashion

the shops are m and s next and Asda- on a retail park.

i want to look lovely. I’m not bothered about being young if you understand me, just the best version of myself. I gave completely let myself go.

i have thick greying hair, strong nails and dry skin. I wear no make up but do try face creams. Estée Lauder been recommended but everytime I go to these shops I’m ignored as I don’t look like I have money to spend if you understand. Because I’m big I’m a second class citizen in some shops and completely ignored!

budget is better than I’ve ever had as I gave saved for years (obviously not buying clothes). I currently have a lot of £2000 to spend on this. This is not to gloat but thought the budget might help in deciding what next.

any offer of kindness, support, links to other items or people who have been in a similar situation would mean the world, thank you x

Yep, haircut all the way and then some good and basic make up. Maybe something light like a BB cream to make your skin look a little better without being heavy? I also love the Elf cream blush stick as it’s cheap, light and brings a nice bit of colour to your face.

Clothes wise, as some other PP have mentioned, a killer pair of trousers will make all the difference. I absolutely adore these M&S trousers, I have them in every colour - they hang brilliantly, wash well, and you can dress them up and down as you want www.marksandspencer.com/crepe-tab-detail-wide-leg-trousers/p/clp60579903?color=BLACK&extid=ps_ps-pla-pmax_ggl_ww_ch__-UK-_-_bau&cq_src=google_ads&cq_cmp=20011577753&cq_con=&cq_term=&cq_med=pla&cq_plac=&cq_net=x&cq_plt=gp&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20014443268&gbraid=0AAAAAD7g6bQKxQhdxJIQgz62XulEs8O3C&gclid=CjwKCAiA24XJBhBXEiwAXElO3zRhGAteV-oGK3ZKyifj3P7ItcmRiARikYvmJdNF91BVYw38wH7nnRoCdf8QAvD_BwE

Would you be interested in watching some styling videos for your shape? Melissa Murrell videos on You Tube are brilliant with lots of tips & advice. I also follow her on Instagram. She styles ladies of all different shapes & ages.
Secondly some of the make up counters will do a mini make up for you which would be useful. Clinique will give you samples of their foundation so you can try it over a few days to see if it suits you. I think spending a bit more money on make up is a good idea.As I found cheaper foundations don't sit as well on more mature Skin. Skincare can be simple like Cerave/The Ordinary & doesn't need to be pricy.
I do agree a good hair restyle & colour would be the quickest way of making you feel better. Mounjaro would make you feel more in control & works really well for binge eating. It is a big decision though & requires some major thought.

If you live near a john lewis, book a style appointment. I did one, as health issues meant I put on weight, and I had no idea what to wear to make me feel better and what would suit my body shape. So still hour glass but blown up. And I'm very short! I looked frumpy.

The stylist was amazing. She knew the stock, she knew what I wanted- everyday clothes that suited my new shape.

I ended up with some fabulous khaki green silk cargos from ted baker, a couple of silk mix t shirts, a lovely hoody, and cool trainers. Wore it constantly, felt great always.

I wouldn't have even tried on the cargos myself. I was taken aback tbh. There is no pressure to buy.

It all got slung in the washing machine. No bother. The other thing I do is look on Pinterest. I find a celebrity who is my shape and colouring, check out her looks. I even copy hair styles and make up.

I seem to have a thousand emails this weekend from clothing brands, advertising sales and BF reductions. Boden, Whistles, Phase Eight etc etc, all have size 20

Can I join? I’m 46 and also adhd late diagnosis and I’ve had 3 breakdown with 6 months off work. They are normal in my industry but one was bereavement. Anyway I ballooned after the first one I looked like id been inflated and I just wanted to hide but the clothes I bought back then made me even more flat.
op if mj is too much just yet I have found intermittent fasting and calorie counting with an app worked far better than I expected. I’m slacking just now but I got a good few pounds off doing that and I started to feel like me again.

i would say get rid of all the miserable pj bottoms for home working. Buy 2 sets of nice lounge wear and make yourself a work uniform. Honestly bin the jammies you will feel better.
the other things which helped me are step tracking - 12k steps a day is best but if this is hard with wfh you might need to go for a walk twice a day. I walk the elderly dog in the morning and if I do that then the porteribv around the office will do the rest.

I must get back on the wagon with fasting it was so easy. Just black cofffee and water until 12. No eating after 8pm. Stop eating mayonnaise all the time honestly that was my biggest calorie thing!!

Please do join! Although I hate to think anyone has gone through what I have, it’s so lovely to know I’m really not alone in this world feeling like this.

the advice on here has been astounding! I am working my way through everyone’s posts and making detailed notes as that helps me. I keep it all in a file for reference.

i recently rescued 2 beautiful old dogs and they have made me walk them 4 short walks a day. They are making me make good choices as I became reliant on being bed which was not healthy at all!

im ordering the m and s trousers above and going to look at the other suggestions x

Sorry you’ve had such difficulties over a very long time @1976a .

I just have a few suggestions to add to all the good advice above.

As a PP suggested, consider getting a colour analysis. I really would advise a face to face one because they need to see you in natural light. Not cheap, but I think you said you had quite a bit of cash saved up. I just had mine done and it was fun, affirming and amazing! I did it because nothing really looked quite right any more. Turned out I was a different season (summer) to what I’d thought (soft autumn).I bought a few cheap t shirts in the new colours, put them on and instantly looked slimmer. The great thing when you have a colour analysis is that you get a family of colours to shop with, which all go with each other. It reduces your choices, which is really helpful in the overcrowded clothes marketplace.

My other suggestion is to keep your Christmas outfit very simple, so that you don’t find choosing it too overwhelming, but add some things to elevate it to a bit more smart. You could maybe spend a bit on some smart shoes and jewellery, which you can still wear when you lose weight.

I’m sorry you have felt so bad. I have some advice : wear one colour all the way down, so buy a jumper in the same colour as the trousers . But don’t match your shoes- buy some gorgeous colourful trainers. Happy feet! Buy jersey trousers for work, and again match the colour for your top. Big coats are having a moment, buy something wonderful. I buy some stuff from Next Clearance, coats are particularly good value there. Hair cut, eyebrows and skin care are the way to go. I’ve only ever bought cheap creams, but I use it and my skin is good. As a former smoker, think about tooth whitening, it made a big difference for me. But don’t worry about make up.

Lots of lovely advice on here!

for clothes I would recommend scamp and dude but I do have a bit of an addiction https://scampanddude.com/

/ I love the patterns and colours - I feel like they make the clothes interesting. Also they go up to size 22. They are usually generous in size as well and the shapes are super flattering - take a look at the reviews, they state the size of the reviewer. The dresses are very popular and you can wear a jumper, cardigan or blazer over the top to keep you warm.

If it works for you then you can buy several items and they tend to go well together.

good luck, sounds like a glow up is on the way!

Just to add my voice too to the pp's singing the praises of Mounjaro. I've only been on it 3 months, and it's made a vast difference to my confidence. And that's the thing with weight loss (however you choose to do it); you don't need to see it as an insurmountable hurdle. By this I mean you don't need to set yourself a target goal that feels way off. Just give yourself a mini goal to start with, as even just a stone or two can do wonders for your appearance/confidence. I've gone from a size 16/18 to a size 14 in 3 months, and I feel fantastic. I'd still like to lose another couple of stone, but even if I didn't, I feel great currently. Even a smallish loss can make all the difference. After one stone all my clothes fitted and looked better. After two stone I dropped a dress size. My face looks better too, so I've been enjoying make-up more.

As for clothes, if you'd like some new things, aside from a couple of pairs of great-fitting trousers, I'd spend your money on things that'll still work after weight loss. In my opinion, a gorgeous cashmere jumper would still work in this regard. If you buy it in your current size, once you lose weight, it'll still look lovely in a slouchy way. Cashmere works like this as it's so soft and drapey. I bought a cashmere jumper from a charity shop last week in a size 20. I love the fit of it on me now (size 12/14 top half). I wouldn't even say it looks oversized; it just looks beautifully slouchy. Leather boots would also be a lovely addition. How about a maxi skirt with an elasticated waist? My skirts still fit me with the weight loss, because of the elastic. I'm tucking tops in to them now, is the difference, as I have a better defined waist-line.

Massive well done on the healthy changes you've made!

Can we see the rescue dogs then? The weight fell off me when I first got my dog and had to wear him out all the time.

Sainsburys have some lovely clothes at present, great for a Christmas meal. Maybe a sparkly top, black trousers and boots shouldn't cost too much. Splash out when you have lost weight.

How about ordering a heap of stuff from Next to be delivered in store. Try it on when you collect and return anything you don't want.

I find TU Sainsbury’s and Tesco can have some nice clothes especially for one off going out.
For beauty use a day cream and a thicker cream for night. I’m currently using a cetaphil one in day but also like Nivea. Personally I have used cheap and expensive and don’t particularly notice difference just using something is key.
I have my brows tinted and a lash lift. Have my hair cut & coloured. Don’t wear makeup daily but feel done with just those basics.
If you wear glasses get a modern style.
Look on instagram for over 50 fashion accounts to follow.

If your GP won't give you Mounjaro then get it from one of the online pharmacies. It will change your life and your style. You will be able to wear anything you like and not worry about how it looks on you.

Sorry you’ve had a rough time, it sounds as though you’ve been through a lot.

That’s a great budget! Whilst it sounds quite ‘mumsnetty’, I’d recommend having a look at Clare Watkins Stylist on Instagram. Seeing as you’re stuck for what to buy, it would be useful to understand what shapes and colours suit you. Clare is a big advocate of buying well as opposed to buying loads, so price per wear is a consideration.
Laura Adlington also dresses well, so maybe you could find some looks you like?

In terms of maintenance, brows and hair make a big difference. Fresh air, water, magnesium and Vitamin D, and a good vitamin C face oil will make you feel brighter.

Good luck and I hope you find some outfits that you love.

I always say first step, phones done by 6, and in bed early and sleep. Sleep and fresh air are HUGE! Best of luck op x

I was thinking of content like fabfatandfortyplus when I recommended instagram. She’s good for styling tips eg how to make a jumper and jeans look nicer.

Apologies for the hijack, but what would you wear these with? A shirt?

Clothes:

Snag
Scarlet and Jo

make up:

Beauty and the Boutique - she does super tutorials

best of luck!

• Hair restyle
• eyebrow appointment
• start taking collagen in your morning tea
• colour analysis with Emily at stylemehappy (she has a website or IG) and a great FB community page with loads of great content
• vinted is your friend- if you suddenly think ‘oh I’d love a lilac cardigan’ then you have no chance in the shops but guarantee there’ll be 100+ to choose from on vinted
• Bondi sands facial tanning lotion every few days
• l’oreal true match foundation- google their colour charts then buy about 3 to trial

@Doteycat Anything! I wear them with blouses or shirts at work but they look just as good with a t-shirt or a tucked in sweater. They sit really good around flat trainers in particular. I’m quite evangelical about these trousers - I normally only buy second hand but these were so flattering I bought two pairs

Than2s! Im going to buy some, I can never find nice trousers and these look good.