Non-traditional funeral outfit... Please help!

[EmEn]

I really didn't want to have to ask online in case anyone relevant sees it, but I am really struggling here so I'm hoping someone will help me and that if anyone does see it they will understand!

I have a funeral to go to. Not immediate family, but I'm still very sad about it, she was far too young ☹️ Anyway, the details of the service have emerged, and there is a dress code... "Please come dressed for a day at the races. Whatever you are comfortable in". What do I actually do with that?

I seriously struggle with shoes, therefore prefer trousers to hide inevitably ugly ones under. The one outfit I have which I think would work for the races (flowy jumpsuit) is a light coloured floral print which doesn't lend itself to a jacket and I am struggling to get my head around it for a funeral...! I've never been to the races either. I do not want to stand out.

I'm so worried about getting this wrong and obviously can't ask the family right now. I can shop and buy a new outfit but am floundering a bit with what the dress code actually means. Any thoughts on this would be very much appreciated.

The dress code has clearly said rule out anything you would normally wear for a funeral. It's not unusual for people who have died far too young to want a non-traditional dress code and plan a celebration of life.

Your jumpsuit would be ideal if it wasn't November. I'd get something smart, colorful and that hopefully I could wear again if it wasn't too upsetting.

Sorry for your loss.
tbh the last time I went to the races, I wore decent jeans and a jumper, with a ski jacket as it was March and cold.
The ‘dress-code was ‘smart casual’ though a few lasses came dressed for Lady’s Day at Ascot and froze while their stiletto heels sank into the muddy grass.
Nobody will be looking at you and that bothered about what you are wearing, as long as you are decently dressed, I would think the family just don’t want a funeral with everyone in black.

Nice hat and a pair of binoculars round your neck. Overcoat or trench coat. That's it. Oh and a biro in your bag for marking the card. Sorry for the loss of your friend and I know I'm probably insensitive but anyway...

I can't believe this. Whatever about asking to use a particular colour, but to dress as if for the 14.20 at Kempton is a bit odd.

Just wear ordinary and not black - minus the binoculars! They are not going to throw you out of the service are they?

I think your jumpsuit is fine. I would buy a pashmina to swish over it rather than a jacket.

Thanks. I think it's nice to have some colour rather than a wall of black. And frankly, whatever the family wants is ok with me, I just don't want to miss the mark. I'll keep the trench coat + biro idea in mind, but I think that would be more likely to stand out here 😆

A velvet or similar jumpsuit? And one that can be worn with a jacket.

If you already have a jumpsuit it's possibly also something that you might wear again.

Personally I would go with Navy trousers and a bright but smart blouse.

If the person was young, it's probably going to be a really big funeral and lots of people will be dressing in more office type attire. I would rather stand out for less than more.

The races here mean sensible shoes, warm trousers and and a woolly jumper, country clothes rather than lady’s day at Ascot.

id suggest they just mean notations mourning. Wear whatever you are comfortable in. It will be fine

very sorry for your loss.

I would translate that as
"Not black, not scruffy, not sombre", just a smart respectful version of you. It does say dress comfortably, so do that.

I can never understand the angst of people attending a funeral and wondering what to wear. Unless you are immediate family the chances are no one is going to notice or comment upon your clothes. For this time of year I would wear whatever you normally would for a day out.

I agree. Wear your normal clothes, just not anything black. Where I live people don't generally wear black for funerals and no-one stresses over what to wear. As long as you look tidy and neat you will be fine.

People dress up to go to the races, so just wear a non-black dress or outfit. I also wouldn’t go and buy something you wouldn’t wear again.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I also think that's a really unhelpful dress code.
My interpretation is that they're asking you to avoid anything black / funereal but otherwise to dress up as much or as little as you like.

I should add that I've only been to the races twice in my life. Both times I dressed up as did a lot of people - some of them very extravagantly - but there were also many people in jeans and T shirts and everyone mingled together. I also had a friend who used to go regularly and never, ever dressed up.

On a practical note, I'd also dress warmly and wear flat shoes, especially if it's a burial.